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Original poster

I cheated and now unsure who the father is!

166 replies

Bianca123 · 13/01/2014 03:22

Hello everyone, I'm new on mumsnet so please bear with me. Please do not judge me, I had an affair and now I'm unsure on who the father might be.

First date of my last period according to scan was 16th May, I slept with guy A on 31st May & guy B on 2nd June (2 days apart), my cycle is 30days. With guy A we used withdrawal/ pull out method while with guy B, no protection was used. I just need to know what the chances are of either of them being the dad? Please help!!

OP posts:
YoureBeingASillyBilly · 13/01/2014 03:29

First day of last period isnt detectable by a scan Hmm

First day of last period is the date your period started which only you can know.

You'll need a DNA test. And and STD test. And an awkward conversation with your partner.

cupcake78 · 13/01/2014 03:29

I think you know the answer to this already. Most probably guy B but it could be either.

Your not the first op and certainly won't be the last this has happened to. Good luck

beachside · 13/01/2014 04:45

Serious question - if you are grown up enough to use a computer, how do you not understand contraception, and how this might affect your life and, far more importantly, a childs life?

BOFtastic · 13/01/2014 05:05

Come on beachside, that's a bridge too far...

KickThatDirtOffYourShoulder · 13/01/2014 05:08
Sad

Two days apart it could easily be either. What a mess. Do you have good support around you? Does your husband / partner know? Hope you are ok.

tracypenisbeaker · 13/01/2014 05:08

As you know, OP, it only takes one sperm to make a baby, so even though using the withdrawal method makes it less likely for you to fall pregnant, theres still a chance due to the pre cum that is ejaculated so you cannot just guess who the DAd is. Youre going to have to have the horrible conversation with your partner and get the DNA once the lo is here.

Please dont play roulette with your sexual health again. Im not going to lecture you on playing with other peoples lives, as Im sure many other posters will do that. Take care.

kutee · 13/01/2014 05:57

DNA test!!

AuntieStella · 13/01/2014 06:46

It could be either.

Your baby needs to know who his/her biological father is, and the father should support his child.

Both men need to be told that you are having a baby and that there is a chance they are the father. And that you will arrange a DNA test at birth to establish for sure.

Before that, you need to arrange an STI test for yourself because you need to safeguard the health of both you and your baby.

These are hard things to do. But looking after a baby involves doing the right thing.

IamGluezilla · 13/01/2014 07:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntieStella · 13/01/2014 07:09

Prenatal DNA testing isn't widely available in UK, and carries a risk to the baby. If invasive testing is required for a medical reason, then there would be no additional risk if DNA were tested for paternity from the same sample.

Is either of the potential fathers an established partner, Bianca123 ?

BohemianGirl · 13/01/2014 07:17

Just keep your secret to yourself and your mouth shut if you want to maintain a relationship with your partner. If you aren't fussed either way, DNA test.

phantomhairpuller · 13/01/2014 07:19

50/50 chance, basically. It could be either of them.

RudyMentary · 13/01/2014 07:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/01/2014 07:28

Don't judge me? Hmm Sorry but if you're expecting MN to act as a paternity test facility and not make any comment on your behaviour, you're going to be very disappointed.

RudyMentary · 13/01/2014 07:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmmaGellerGreen · 13/01/2014 07:36

I am really unsure why you are asking here given that we don't have a crystal ball any more than you do. Given the pickl you're in, you really should be judging yourself rather than asking us not to.

TravellingToad · 13/01/2014 07:41

You can't tell the first date of period from the scan

Clip clop....

OvertiredandConfused · 13/01/2014 07:46

This baby must be due in a few weeks. And you're only asking now? What have you being doing for the last six months? Very strange Hmm

RandomCitizen · 13/01/2014 07:50

Hi Bianca,

something similar happened to me once. It was the guy I didn't use any sort of protection with. The other one had withdrawn.

It was a difficult pregnancy for sure. The guy whose child it wasn't, was relieved and disappointed and quite angry. Obviously.

The other guy said we needed to have a DNA test so we did and it was conclusive.

I am sorry you are in this situation, I imagine you are aware of the opinions of others by now.

I know I was very ignorant at the time and shouldn't have done it. I've grown up a lot since then. I hope that you are in a better place soon and that you have someone to help take care of you and the baby.

Best of luck x

Turvytopsy · 13/01/2014 07:53

Are you still with one of these men op? Do they both know there is a chance they could be the father? Do they know about each other? Is the baby due soon?
I would say man b is more likely to be the dad but the only way to be sure is a DNA test.
Are you quite young?

Don't worry about being judged, it is not an ideal situation by any means, nor is it sensible to put your health at risk with random unprotected sex, nor kind to cheat. But you know all these things and many women on here could have been in your position at some point in their life but possibly got away with it! Let's not forget that both men had unprotected sex too!

Good luck op. I hope this works out well for all involved particularly your child.

NearTheWindmill · 13/01/2014 07:57

Are you still with the Guy you refer to as the baby's possible father. That is a key part of it for me along with whether you love and respect him. If the answers are negative I'm not sure why it's particularly relevant except of course in relation to maintenance.

If the man with whom you had unprotected sex is your partner and you are with him and love him, I think the chances of you being pregnant by the other man are so remote that you should quiet but treat your partner with absolute respect from now on.

dozeydoris · 13/01/2014 08:03

What type of scan did you have that tells you when the first date of your period was???????????
If you are a regular 30 day cycle then you can look at a calendar and count the days, why go for a scan.

This does not ring true to me.

Anyway, there is no way to know who is the father before the baby is born.

AuntieStella · 13/01/2014 08:35

The chances of it being either aren't remote as intercourse occurred with the two men within the in vivo lifetime of sperm, and both within a day of likely ovulation date. The only way to sort this out now is by DNA test.

Lovingfreedom · 13/01/2014 08:43

Much more likely to be B if A fully withdrew before ejaculating. Read stats on withdrawal method. Some studies found it as effective as condoms (for preventing pregnancy only) if the man always withdraws before ejaculation.

differentnameforthis · 13/01/2014 10:08

Withdrawal/pull out is only effective if you know your cycle/bodies signs of ovulation. Which is doesn't sound like you do.

It could be either of them.