I cheated and now unsure who the father is!

[Bianca123]

Hello everyone, I'm new on mumsnet so please bear with me. Please do not judge me, I had an affair and now I'm unsure on who the father might be.

First date of my last period according to scan was 16th May, I slept with guy A on 31st May & guy B on 2nd June (2 days apart), my cycle is 30days. With guy A we used withdrawal/ pull out method while with guy B, no protection was used. I just need to know what the chances are of either of them being the dad? Please help!!

[Rooners]

There is NO hypocrisy in slating someone for being hugely unkind and sneering at someone in a real life situation that presumably Gini and Beachside have no actual experience of, or help to offer regarding, especially when I have never participated in or watched that horrendous exploitative programme.

I may have watched it for about 2 minutes once but that was enough to make me want to throw up. I have never watched it since.

So you cannot call me a hypocrite.

[Rooners]

'To be fair, this is exactly the sort of thing JK was designed for.'

Oh I agree. Totally. But does that make it necessary to point it out on a support thread?

Is that was Mumsnet was designed for? Hypocrisy indeed.

[perplexedpirate]

Ok, lazy. Good point.

Grow the fuck up, Gini.

That better?

[rainbowfeet]

Agree with what's been said already the 2 possible conception dates are just too close together to be sure without DNA testing I'm afraid.

Unlike on TV & in the movies I think I'm right in saying DNA testing is done by using swabs taken from inside the mouth (not a strand of hair plucked from a hairbrush)!!! So whoever you choose to use as the test he will most defiantly know about it.
My DS's dad was tested this way via the CSA (his choice because he's a twat & tried to prolong paying)

I personally think you need to know for yourself more than anything, you can try to convince yourself it will be your secret but that's hell of a secret to keep for the rest of your life plus there is the possibility of hereditary health conditions from the paternal side too.

[Logg1e]

I think the exclamation mark in the title is unhelpful.

[Bianca123]

Hi Rooners,

I think that's what I'll do, get DNA on the most likely father and take it from there. I won't say anything till then.

[Rooners]

Good luck pet.

[Offred]

You'll have to say something if you're getting DNA done though otherwise how will you get the sample and the testing done?

[Offred]

you need consent

[Rooners]

yy you definitely need consent and the person has to be there.

[Offred]

And normally I'd be very much in favour of a birthing mother getting the support she needs in labour in her way with other people's needs coming secondary, in this situation I think it would be beyond cruel to allow someone who you aren't sure is the father to go through the pregnancy and birth and early days without knowing. I also think if you get that far you won't tell him. It took my friend about 6 years to do the DNA because they couldn't face knowing once the baby was born.

[CoteDAzur]

Not that I ever would be in this situation, but if I were, I would terminate this pregnancy. And never cheat again. And never tell your DP what you did.

Anything else will probably lead to the end of your current relationship and you being a sole parent to this baby.

[TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge]

You do realise the one you want to test will actually have to know what you are doing,right?

Have you told either of them?!Doesn't sound like it.

It could be either.

In the meantime,get yourself checked for stds and don't do anything so daft again,or lie to either man

[mammadiggingdeep]

Is one of them your long term partner? How old are you?

Talk to your mid wife if you think she's the sort who'll listen and not judge.

You must be very stressed- try not to get too worked up. Focus on yourself and baby, all this WILL be sorted.

[CosmicDespot]

Bloody hell Cote, that's a shocking thing to post!

[QuintessentialShadows]

If you are expecting twins, what are the possibility that they are both the fathers?

[Offred]

I'm not shocked my cote's post.

More shocked by some of the giggling bitchy posts tbh.

[Lweji]

Does one of them expect to be the dad?

Guy B would be more likely, just statistically from number of sperm cells around.
However, there is some evidence that occasional male partners have higher chances of conceiving than permanent male partners.

BTW, you couldn't possibly be sure from date of last period unless you knew when ovulation occurred, and even so, they could both overlap.

[Lweji]

As the pregnancy seems to be 8 months along, I don't think terminating is a real option.
That is why cote's post is shocking.

[Lweji]

Regarding consent, and if you don't want to tell your current partner, you could test the non-permanent partner, but you'd have to tell him that he could be the father of your baby.

[TalisaMaegyr]

Is one of them your DP.

A long time ago, I heard that if you have sex with 2 men in a set period, and get pregnant, you're more likely to be pregnant by the 'strange' sperm - as over time, your body becomes more immune to sperm it's used to. That's probably complete shit, mind. Not helpful really, am I

[Offred]

Yes, I realised that it is 8 months along but also that cote probably hadn't. As advice for the op it's not relevant but as a "what I would've done" it isn't shocking.

[Offred]

Yes, if you're intent on keeping it secret lweji's suggestion sounds a last ditch effort to keep a lid on it.

I do think it might be better to be honest though. It is unlikely to stay secret and you're going to have to deal with registering the birth etc and lies upon lies during the time you should be enjoying your new baby.

[CosmicDespot]

It was cote's idea that the prospect of lone parenthood ought to mean a termination should be sought that shocked me.

[Offred]

I didn't think that was what she said. I thought she was saying the prospect of bringing a baby into such a conflict ridden situation would make her think termination was best. It isn't exactly single parenthood that's the issue. Children of single mothers still have fathers.