I cheated and now unsure who the father is!

[Bianca123]

Hello everyone, I'm new on mumsnet so please bear with me. Please do not judge me, I had an affair and now I'm unsure on who the father might be.

First date of my last period according to scan was 16th May, I slept with guy A on 31st May & guy B on 2nd June (2 days apart), my cycle is 30days. With guy A we used withdrawal/ pull out method while with guy B, no protection was used. I just need to know what the chances are of either of them being the dad? Please help!!

[Bianca123]

Bisjo,

Nobody's perfect, don't worry my kids are well looked after and that's all you need to know but thanks for your input all the same.

[Bianca123]

And also Bisjo my husband's kids live with their mothers and do not live in England. So we've got 3 in the house not 6, perhaps you could verify next time.

All the same, thanks.

[Lazyjaney]

What an extraordinary situation this is turning out to be....

[YellowTulips]

What your ideal outcome from this OP?

Stay with your husband? Leave? Irrespective of who the father is what would you like to happen?

[stooshe]

Op, no offense, but is this a JAMAICAN set up? From you mentioned the whole heap of children for whole heap of women and the marriages which do not seem to display anything apart from ownership and convenience My red flag alert went up. Plus the fact that the two men in your situation appear to want to outdo each other and not contend with what is wrong or right.
If so, then you know that you have to stop thinking about your own convenience and get out of dodge. The "bun for Bun" business never worked and the bringing more children into the carnage is a crying shame, but so it goes.
You have little more time to concentrate on the impending birth. In the meantime, you should leave both of these men. They and you are fooling yourselves if you think that you are setting any kind of example for any of the how much children (whether here or "abroad"). You have a chance here to break what appears to be some loose livity by ALL the adults in the situation. And no, nobody's perfect, but you have waited so long until your child's parentage became a problem for you. I hate to be judgey, but you need to raise your standards. All these well looked after kids with careless parents. Parents providing good clothes and food for their children cannot be used as an excuse for adults to carouse and indulge their instincts and jealousy.
You know what you need to do. You know what you should do. Start acting serious with yourself, man. Cut your losses with both the men. Ascertain who is the latest child's father. Then you need to stop playing games. Nuff children are out there who were "well looked after" who had carousing parents. They have absolutely no template for life apart from "I want it and I must have it". No emotional intelligence whatsoever. Just swag and a charisma that fades with the first good analysis and females who stay with the partner who financially provides the most.
You need to stop with the victimhood and the "who is right not what is right' mentality. You done messed up trying to out slack two men who, just by the scant information that you have provided here are rolling stones who have found a better gravy train here than back home.
I hope you take my advice. It will be hard and long, especially if you are somebody used to instant gratification and reward. Trust me, you switch up your mindset now, the next generation will benefit. This isn't about the "adults" anymore. if you are part of my ancestral community, or are affiliated with it, then you know that we are fighting for our psychic soul. You've had your fun. Time to fix up.
Good luck with the impending birth. Children are a blessing. We shouldn't take advantage of their unconditional love and innocence.

[Rooners]

Stooshe I am ashamed to say I just read your whole post in my head in a full on West Indian accent and it ROCKED Sorry, I know that's missing the point a bit but I have a thing for it. Beautiful!

[fifi669]

Tell the truth. How will your relationship be with your children's father if you lie for the whole pregnancy, birth and newborn stages and then he's not the dad? It's not fair.

If you don't want to be with him anymore then don't be. If he won't give you a divorce you can petition for one yourself. I think you need to take the bull by the horns and sort your life out.

The others were right, this is a JK situation. All made worse because you weren't straight to start with.

That said I hope you get the result you want.

[WaitMonkey]

Why would anyone have unprotected sex with two men, within day's of each other ? Especially when your already a mother of 3. Don't you know how babies are made ?

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

Or have unprotected sex with a two men who you know have had unprotected sex with other women!

Condoms all round for the sake of these poor children getting dragged into this idiotic behaviour by supposed adults.

[paxtecum]

Bianca: Best wishes to you.

God in heaven, there are some judgemental people on here who have nothing to offer except abuse.

Please accept that some people have lives that are quite complicated.

[YellowTulips]

Yes life is complicated and so are relationships.

I make no moral judgements about the number of sexual partners people have.

However as a PARENT having unprotected sex with 2 different men (and presumably - though happy to stand corrected as it's not explicit in the thread - failing to take the morning after pill) is just plain irresponsible.

That's why I asked what the OP wanted. The situation is so bizarre I can only assume there was some sort of game plan here.

Revenge on the husband, trapping the OM, wanting to be found out as a way out if a bad marriage...I can't fathom it....

[Offred]

With respect to the fact he may well be the dad I think what he wants to do about the birth is irrelevant.

You need to be safe and happy and stress free and supported in order to have the best birth you can. If you think you can get that from him then have him there if you don't tell him you want your mum.

[Bianca123]

Wow well said Stooshe, couldn't have put it better myself. However as hard as it may be for anyone to believe, we are all educated and working citizens- the other guy finished his PhD last year and I'm just in the middle of my Masters in Psychology and my H is a qualified nurse. I cannot comment on his other kids I wasn't with him. I've been with him for 10yrs, my other 3 kids are from the same father. And if u read my previous comments you'll see that I even had a termination booked but decided against it! I do not take pleasure in this situation and neither am I being a victim.

Thank you for taking the time out and replying to my post though. Appreciated.

[Bianca123]

Thanks Paxtecum, I won't read any negative comment from now on cz I could do without those, all I needed was advice and I've got it. I know what I've done wrong, might be too late but least I've learnt from my mistakes and I really don't need anyone pointing out the obvious. After everything is said and done, I still can't wait to have my bundle of joy regardless of who the father might be. A blessing from God.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Stooshe, I hear you!!!!!

Amazing post. Just so true.

[Bianca123]

Thanks all for your replies ???? I really appreciate you all taking time out to offer advice. Thanks again xx

[NearTheWindmill]

stooshe is right. The problem is that the UK has facilitated this sort of behaviour by sybsidising it. As it should have for the sake of the children but that doesn't make the behaviour of the parents right.

I don't suppose you or the children's fathers actually meet all the bills of looking after them personally. That's a shame because I think it would help you all to modify your behaviour. I'm glad your DC are well looked after I would be more glad if you come on and tell me it is all financed by their mother(s) and father(s). Not really something to be proud of when other people fund your existence.

[Offred]

Disgusting post near.

[NearTheWindmill]

Why is it disgusting? I had to plan the children I could afford. If the OP and the fathers are so well educated why can't they. I don't think the majority should have to fund the OP's lax morals. F the people concerned are educated then they need to take full parental responsibility for the hildren they create so carelessly. If they are all pciking up the tab personally fine - but I don't expect to have to pay foe it.i

[Bianca123]

Near are you insinuating we live off benefits? Other people fund my children's existence? I take it you havn't read all my comments so I'll let this one slip.

[Bianca123]

Don't worry Near your money is safe! Where we come from we take care of our own regardless of how they came into this world. Oh God why am I even explaining myself to a stranger? Thanks for your input, I'll bear that in mind for future reference.

[iamonthepursuitofhappiness]

Stooshe is so right. It is time to change your pathway so you can be a good role model to your children and for everyone to stop playing games now. This baby should be the best thing to happen to you, s/he should make you question how you are living your life and make changes for your future that will benefit the baby and the other children you have.

Best of luck to you; it will be hard, but they say it is not about the destiation but the journey so make sure you and the kids have a good one :)

[Bianca123]

Near funny how you automatically assumed we don't work or we rely on the government coz we've got more kids than the average Brit? You planned your kids according to your pocket and we are having ours according to ours. The post wasn't about me complaining about financial difficulties due to having more children so I'm not sure where you are coming from.

[Bianca123]

Thanks iamonthepersuitofhappiness, like I said I totally agree with most of what Stooshe said and I've already done some self reflection and all that and realised there's no point in crying over split milk and what matters now is the future like you say. Thanks again

[NorksAreMessy]