I cheated and now unsure who the father is!

[Bianca123]

Hello everyone, I'm new on mumsnet so please bear with me. Please do not judge me, I had an affair and now I'm unsure on who the father might be.

First date of my last period according to scan was 16th May, I slept with guy A on 31st May & guy B on 2nd June (2 days apart), my cycle is 30days. With guy A we used withdrawal/ pull out method while with guy B, no protection was used. I just need to know what the chances are of either of them being the dad? Please help!!

[Peekska]

OP you said you were going to let it slip. Then go back with 2 more posts. Don't let people on the internet get to you.

[Lweji]

He's a nurse and uses the withdrawal method?

[EmmaGellerGreen]

This is an astonishing mess, especially given that the adults involved appear to be well educated! I don't really know what to make of it really other than suggesting not having unprotected sex with multiple partners?

[Bianca123]

Peekska yes I wasn't going to justify their post with a response but I couldn't resist it just amazed me that some people are still so stereotypical. More children equals benefit scrounges? But yes I'm better than this so I won't bother anymore, some people get their satisfaction out of putting others down and I refuse to play a part in any of it. My children are already proud of me (for the one who said I need to make them proud).

I'm 26 doing a Masters degree, working and a good mummy to my beautiful kids, they want for nothing-emotionally, physically or psychologically, which is more than can be said for most people on here esp the ones throwing abuse around.

[Lweji]

Actually, you sound like you have a good plan of action and you know who the most likely father is...
Not sure what you wanted from this thread.
People will hardly give you support for cheating on your H, even if he cheated on you,for having unprotected sex with a married man and ultimately leading to bringing a child into a mess, when you should have been using protection or have taken a morning after pill.

I do hope you have learnt something from this and that the children don't suffer too much from the choices of their parents (as he has also cheated).

[Lweji]

they want for nothing-emotionally, physically or psychologically,

They will. And I say this from the point of view of a single mum, because H made the wrong choices.

Your OH made a wrong choice, and you compounded on it, bringing a child that is most likely by another man and thus causing a big mess.
Then you'll have to deal with the emotional and psychological fall out on the children. Because they will cope, but that is not the same as being in an emotionally stable family. And be in no doubt that they will pick up the emotional mess you and your husband are.

[Alexchallex]

I would guess that the date of last period is an estimate. If they know how many 'weeks ' the baby is, which they will from the scan, then they can work out when your period was. In terms of pregnancy, you are 4 weeks pregnant 4 weeks after the first day of your last period not 4 weeks after conception.
You have no way of knowing who the father is. You couldn't even guess

[Alexchallex]

And there is no need to pass judgement here really. It has happened now

[NearTheWindmill]

Well unless the OP starts taking responsibility for contraception, she will likely have another two or three children by the time she's 30. I do think society needs to start judging actually because behaviour like the OP's has become normalised by society at the expense of good services that underpin the majority of UK families who do try a little harder to operate as secure units.

The OP says her DC want for nothing and she isn't a benefit scrounger. I iagine therefore that the OP owns her own home, receives no HB, no tax credits, is above the child benefit threshold, will never claim a free school meal, will never need sure start or a state provided early nursery place. If the OP is totally reliant on herself she can do as she pleases. If she isn't then she needs to think why the state should subsidise her feckless and irresponsible behaviour and that goes for the fathers too.

[Offred]

I'm disgusted that you even feel that is an acceptable thing to think nevermind say given you come across as reasonably intelligent near. Apart from being utterly offensive it is logically incoherent.

[lottieandmia]

I have used withdrawal v effectively - never got pregnant this way and I'm extremely fertile. If he pulled out quickly enough then I would say it's far more likely that B is the father. Don't know why people are saying it's 50/50 - it's clearly not.

[lottieandmia]

This thread isn't about the OP's financial situation and she didn't ask for an opinion on that. Wow some people really are brainwashed by the government aren't they?

[NearTheWindmill]

You are entitled to your opinion ofred as I am to mine. Interestingly edward Leigh has said pretty much the same in this morning's Telegraph.

[lottieandmia]

Nearthewindmill - where do you get off deciding you know everything about someone just because they have a lot of children? You know nothing at all about the OP's finances. Your posts therefore come across as a deliberate attempt to stick the boot in. But well done Bianca for not rising to it.

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

Near i assume you were privately educated and have only ever used private medical care? I hope you've never used an ambulance or needed the services of the police or fire service?

[lottieandmia]

Edward Leigh?? (Laughs) the man who thinks it's ok to use public funds to pay for his Italian lessons. Yes we all need to take lessons in morality from him I'm sure.

[mrsmugoo]

Jeremy Kyle!

[Offred]

Near - I think it's perfectly acceptable to expect that you are able to justify your pronouncements on social policy given they, in reality, amount to eugenics and seem to be based on a poor understanding of economics, your own prejudice and superiority. Although perhaps you should start your ow thread as like others have said, contraception advice aside, the op's finances are none of your business.

[dozeydoris]

Well the benefits are being cut. Whilst we still hear constant reporting about the poor in society.
There are not sufficient benefits to go round as it is.

I am entitled to go 'Hmmmmm' when I hear of babies being born with unknown father, or unsure father, despite OP's claims that she is living benefit free whilst studying for her Masters and already bringing up her other DCs. Perhaps her behaviour will send existing DH off to the nearest solicitor and there will be two homes to run, but I am sure that won't be a prob for the well-off OP. No repercussions for anyone else, just happiness all round.

[lottieandmia]

This is not a thread about benefits Doris. HTH

Sorry your thread was derailed, OP. The only way you can know for sure is a DNA test. I hope it all works out ok for you one way or another.

[NearTheWindmill]

I think dysfunctional state supported lifestyles are very much the business of society as a whole because it is usually the rest of society that ends up funding them.

The OP needs, I agree, a dna test. But even more than that her DC need a stable home and parents who are good role models.

But, as you say the OP is free to do as she pleases.

[lottieandmia]

Well if you're concerned about people's lifestyles why not start a thread about it? Instead of making assumptions on threads where it's not even relevant?

[paxtecum]

It is a great shame that OPs who start a thread asking for advice are derided and pilloried so much by a few posters.

It does seem to be happening more and more on here, which I think defeats the purpose of the forum.

I find it a similiar mentality to being put in stocks or lashed.

Maybe people shouldn't post if they haven't anything helpful to say.

[Offred]

Assumption is the mother of all fuck up near. I suggest you do some wider reading on welfare stats and the structure of the economy.

[lottieandmia]

I find it really worrying that people come on here and regurgitate crap spouted in the media by Tory hypocrites when it's not even relevant to the thread. Are people really so incapable of thinking for themselves?