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Original poster

I need to get laid

315 replies

fastdriver · 26/04/2013 14:37

That's it really.

I separated six months ago (after several sexless years). I was a faithful wife.

I don't want another relationship, I don't want to shag anyone else's man (either deliberately or inadvertently), I don't want to end up with genital herpes of anything similar.

I want a NS relationship that's mostly about sex (God I sound desperate Grin).

I'm fussy about men, don't like bald or shaved heads, beards, paunches or poor hygiene.

I'm 42 and reasonably attractive.

How do I make this happen? Most men are gagging for it, aren't they? It can't be that difficult but I don't know where to start...

Has anyone been in this situation or can give me any advice?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/04/2013 17:40

Smile Aww, I am very nice too if they don't step out of line

Darkesteyes · 30/04/2013 18:35

Its Yoni Happy Bloody hell. Size 12/14 is what im trying to get down to. Ive been living on Weetabix Fish and vegtables for the past two weeks and clothes are loose already.
im about a size 20/22 There is a lot on my breasts though. My newest bra is a 38 K .
I tried to diet last year but back then wasnt prepared to give up the pasta and potatos (i didnt have to ten yrs ago when i lost ten stone but i cant seem to get away with eating so many carbs now) now ive dropped pasta potatos and diet coke and just drink water based low sugar squash. I just hope it continues to work.

Oh and i had this really weird sex dream about someone who hasnt even been on tv for years and woke up in shock.
It was Bob Cryer from the Bill FFS i never even used to watch it.

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 18:55

38 K, blimey Dark, i thought my 38 F's were huge.

ItsYoniYappy · 30/04/2013 19:00

Sorry Darkesteyes, I have ishoos with my weight, well size, I refuse to step on the scales, I realise it sounds very shallow but this weight hasn't even distributed itself correctly, I look 16 wks pregnant, I may go for a quick walk tomorrow Hmm

My eating is back to normal levels again thankfully, maybe the weight will just go as fast as it came Grin

Sorry Fastcar ya got a date though with boy the disease riddled farter with the bathroom brush dick. How can you ignore that?

ItsYoniYappy · 30/04/2013 19:01

I have my mothers boobs!

34Ds although they are trying to burst out (sorry boy tmi) but I refuse to buy more nice under-wear I just need to quit the cake!

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 19:03

Yoni, i wont go on the scales either, it just depresses me.

ItsYoniYappy · 30/04/2013 19:03

Bob Cryer from The Bill Grin

Well done on the weetabix and weight loss

I have ate today

2 slices of seeded bread (I cannot do no carbs I love toast)
8 coconut rings
tea x 8 cups

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 19:06

Im going on slimming world diet, apparently its good.

ItsYoniYappy · 30/04/2013 19:07

I'm 5'8 so I can hide it well if I suck in my tummy and wear baggy jumpers, but the summer is here [wail]

I wish I was comfortable at this size, then I could keep eating cakes.

38 KKKKKKKKKKKKKK OMG Some Men would pay to see them btw!

ItsYoniYappy · 30/04/2013 19:08

I don't know what I'm doing yet diet wise, usually if I stop eating cake it goes away again, I'm not a great eater when I'm not on pills designed for anorexics (thankfully)

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 19:08

38K, i can imagine causing injuries with those puppies.

ItsYoniYappy · 30/04/2013 19:10

That's 7 alphabet letters up from mine. I was trying to judge the size I refuse to start googling females breasts, my Dss will be wondering WTf is up with me.

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 19:13

lol, i have 38 F, and i hate them.

Darkesteyes · 30/04/2013 21:07

I dont have scales in the flat. Id never be off the fucking things.
Boobwise im an F cup at 11 stone and a size 12. I have my late grans boobs and she was big up top.
When i dropped the 10 stone i went from a 46G at 21 stone to a 34F at 11 stone. My boobs just seem to stay bigger.

Darkesteyes · 30/04/2013 21:08

5 foot 8 and a 12 to 14. I bet you look great.

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 21:10

Dark, how the fuck did you drop 10 stone.

Darkesteyes · 30/04/2013 21:10

my ex OM used to like me to go on top and lean slightly forward so that my boobs bounced in his face. It was also perfect for putting pressure on the clit so win win.

Darkesteyes · 30/04/2013 21:16

It was on Slimmimg World when i was 29/30 Now 10 years later it doesnt seem to work Not the Green plan anyway hence lowering the carbs.
But i lost that ten stone too quickly. A stone a month for seven months then over a year to lose the last three. About 4 stones into it i got gallstones. The pain of that was excrutiating Has gall bladder removed ten years ago . It was 10 years the Sunday just gone.

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 21:39

Im starting on Slimming world soon, i tried the Kee Diet, lost 2 stone in 8 weeks, i hated every minute of it.

Darkesteyes · 30/04/2013 21:50

The Kee Thats a new one to me.

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 21:52

Soup and Shakes, my brain hurts whenever i think about doing that again.

Darkesteyes · 30/04/2013 21:56

God i want sex.....badly Sad

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 21:57

i feel your pain Dark :(

AnyFucker · 30/04/2013 21:58

I think that is pretty clear, going off your post at 21:10, DE Shock Grin

Darkesteyes · 30/04/2013 21:59
Wine
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