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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I need to get laid

315 replies

fastdriver · 26/04/2013 14:37

That's it really.

I separated six months ago (after several sexless years). I was a faithful wife.

I don't want another relationship, I don't want to shag anyone else's man (either deliberately or inadvertently), I don't want to end up with genital herpes of anything similar.

I want a NS relationship that's mostly about sex (God I sound desperate Grin).

I'm fussy about men, don't like bald or shaved heads, beards, paunches or poor hygiene.

I'm 42 and reasonably attractive.

How do I make this happen? Most men are gagging for it, aren't they? It can't be that difficult but I don't know where to start...

Has anyone been in this situation or can give me any advice?

OP posts:
Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 22:00

i've had a 4 yr dry spell, god help the guy who i sleep with, hes gonna be ruined

Darkesteyes · 30/04/2013 22:05

Ive had a 5 and a half year dry spell since splitting with OM.

Original poster
fastdriver · 01/05/2013 01:40

So, boy said upthread that he wanted to retract his 'offer'. But this was after he'd PMed me again at 7.25 this morning to have another go at talking me into a hook up. Complete with link to his webpage with photos - no bog brush cock shots thank God.

There's a guy I was at school with who is pursuing me but him telling me about what kind of porn he likes wanking to the most is a bit offputting tbh

I might go out for cocktails with the surgeon...it's safe because I know I wouldn't sleep with him because he's married and his wife lives in a different country so no chance of upsetting anyone. Is that wrong? We could talk about work...

I've got a 28yo and very handsome colleague I get on like a house on fire with. He's got a gf but we share an interest in the Telegraph crossword.

Also have the option to choose a work placement with a guy who I have no doubt is the love of my life... I adore him and think about him still. But he is also married and has LOs. It would torment him and he deserves it, the bastard. But not sure I've got the guts to dive into such shark infested waters.

I need another better option than these losers. Anyone got a nice, single/divorced/separated db/dbil?

OP posts:
ItsYoniYappy · 01/05/2013 01:55

Grin @ this thread!!

No fastcar stay away from the married man, talking or whatever just don't go there, I know it's 'just talking' but meh....it's not even truthful chat he will just talk a lot of shit!

Nope! I have an ok ex? Not the one I have talked about on here as clearly he is far from ok but I have several others who are okayish, but they are all Scottish.

ItsYoniYappy · 01/05/2013 01:57

Wow 5 and half year! Shock

I get twitchy after a year, although last Julys all nighter my well have done me 5 years Grin

ItsYoniYappy · 01/05/2013 01:58

may well

Original poster
fastdriver · 01/05/2013 02:00

I meant 'xdbil' not dbil, obviously

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/05/2013 06:49

FD,, stay away from the attached men, yeah ?
Don't play games with someone else's relationship, that is not cricket.

You would be better off responding to boy (if he is single)

VoiceofUnreason · 01/05/2013 08:16

He really is a naughty boy isn't he? Tut tut.

ItsYoniYappy · 01/05/2013 08:36

Naughty naughty boy

Fastcar what's wrong with Boy ?

Loulybelle · 01/05/2013 09:55

Lol, Mumsnet matchmakers, you 2 ever thought about running it lol

Original poster
fastdriver · 01/05/2013 10:20

What's wrong with boy?

Well since you asked...

Call me old fashioned but I'm suspicious of men on MN...just feel a bit uneasy about them...shouldn't they be out chopping logs or something?

But mostly it's because he spells 'ipanema' wrongly in his name.

Any other glaring errors of spelling/syntax would be similarly dealbreaking (misuse of apostrophes for example).

No one is perfect and I'm aware this kind of pedantry probably isn't high on most men's list of qualities they seek in a sexual partner. Blush

But hey-ho.

Interestingly, another male poster has now PMed me to say he can't believe boy had the audacity to do so...

Not quite sure why this warranted a PM Wink

OP posts:
Loulybelle · 01/05/2013 10:26

Fast, who is the other male PM'er?

VoiceofUnreason · 01/05/2013 10:28

Because I didn't want the thread to be derailed into a public thrashing of boy (even if deserved)

Suspicious of men on MN? Quite rightly, obviously. Mind you, while we're out chopping logs, shouldn't you mums all have something better to do? If you don't need to keep busy with babies and toddlers, how about taking the washing down to the river to bash against the rocks?

Wink
Loulybelle · 01/05/2013 10:29

touche Voice Touche lol

Original poster
fastdriver · 01/05/2013 10:31

I don't think it's fair to out him Louly.

But I ain't bullshittin' ya

OP posts:
Original poster
fastdriver · 01/05/2013 10:32

Uh oh x post

OP posts:
Original poster
fastdriver · 01/05/2013 10:45

Because I didn't want the thread to be derailed into a public thrashing of boy (even if deserved)

Really, Voice? Ah, so that is why you PMed me to say that you found it 'bizarre' that boy had contacted me seeking a hook up, were 'simply gobsmacked' and then gossiped to me that he'd 'offered himself' on another thread?

It was all because you didn't want the thread to be derailed. Ah, I see. That was the point of your expressions of outrage. To avert a public thrashing. It all makes sense now. Thank you.

OP posts:
Loulybelle · 01/05/2013 10:45

He outed himself Fast lol

VoiceofUnreason · 01/05/2013 10:55

OK, fine, let's make it public. I wanted to clarify it (although you took it as I was accusing you of lying by so doing) because I seemed to recall that there was another thread once along very similar lines where boy offered his services to someone who had asked about hook-ups. It was taken as being 'amusing', presumably because he did it in the body of the thread.

This, to my mind, is rather different from PMing people about hook-ups and I felt it was better to approach it privately than publicly in case I was mistaken and it wasn't boy.

If it wasn't boy, then obviously it would be wrong to do so publicly, but you have made it an issue. I apologise boy if it wasn't you, but I was fairly certain it was.

I was happy to "out" myself immediately.

Incidentally, I often get PMs from people on threads that I have never spoken to before. I don't regard it as suspicious.

boyfromipinema · 01/05/2013 11:11

Blimey...just got back from chopping logs to all this.
To defend myself, I did start a thread looking for a date. It wasn't a thread looking for NSA hook ups though. I did actually get a few responses and was on verge of arranging a couple of dates but in the end I just thought
I'm not over my ex so it's unfair to meet anyone else yet.
That's also what I ended up thinking yesterday too when I was honest with myself.
I also felt sleazy when I thought about it all.
I decided I'd have a break from dating for a while.
I only came on mumsnet for some break up advice.
I agree blokes probably shouldn't be using it so I'm leaving to climb a mountain.

VoiceofUnreason · 01/05/2013 11:16

Final thought for the day, fast

See that banner at the top. It reads:

"MUMSNET - by parents, for parents"

So it is NOT exclusively for women.

Still, Bill Roache (Ken Barlow from Corrie) has been arrested for rape, so there's something else to discuss now.

ItsYoniYappy · 01/05/2013 11:35

I'm gonna make a website for lone single parents!

YappysDating

For lone parents by lone parents!

So no-one hooking up for no string sex today then?

ItsYoniYappy · 01/05/2013 11:38

Lone single parents Confused same thing.

Fastcar you wouldn't like the guy I dated his spelling is terrible I always wanted to pick him up on it but tbh I didn't want him for his words. Grin

AnyFucker · 01/05/2013 12:58

Good God, this thread morphed into a schoolyard spat Shock