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Original poster

I need to get laid

315 replies

fastdriver · 26/04/2013 14:37

That's it really.

I separated six months ago (after several sexless years). I was a faithful wife.

I don't want another relationship, I don't want to shag anyone else's man (either deliberately or inadvertently), I don't want to end up with genital herpes of anything similar.

I want a NS relationship that's mostly about sex (God I sound desperate Grin).

I'm fussy about men, don't like bald or shaved heads, beards, paunches or poor hygiene.

I'm 42 and reasonably attractive.

How do I make this happen? Most men are gagging for it, aren't they? It can't be that difficult but I don't know where to start...

Has anyone been in this situation or can give me any advice?

OP posts:
Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 12:33

I wouldnt put Michael Fassbender of for 4 months, not even 4 secs.

boyfromipinema · 30/04/2013 12:35

I didn't message anyone else as I agree, it would look sleazy, and I'm not desperate. It was her OP so I messaged her.
I did think afterwards that there were one or two posters who I would have liked to message, but by then it was too late.
I'm a one booty call man.
ps
Not that she's replied by the way.

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 12:36

:( Boy

ItsYoniYappy · 30/04/2013 12:46

Well I decided last August I was sick of dating and was going to give me a year off to find myself, so I'm doing that, I still haven't found self as yet but it's only April....4 months to go.

To be brutally honest I also decided to stop watching what I ate and ate chocolate and cake daily from Oct-Mar and have gained weight and I feel very unconfident, I'm not massive a 12/14 but to me I'm massive, it's a confidence thing.

I cannot have a reltionship right now due to my children and I detest serial dating so I will see. I am actually very bored at weekends when the DC go though. I like the Fri/Sat but after that, I get lonely, so sometimes end up chatting on the dating sites, I just say no the dates and stick to it!

I may wait and find a dominoes partner when DC leave home.

ItsYoniYappy · 30/04/2013 12:48

Boy IMO

You have played this all wrong,when OP said erm.. whatever night this started 'has anyone else had pms' you should have fessed up it was you and voila! Date-time or erm sex-time!

She may reply now.

Wont you Fast ? Grin Please, I'm bored and that would make a good MN story, well for me!

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 12:48

Yoni, i been single 4 years, so i know what you mean.

ItsYoniYappy · 30/04/2013 12:55

I would also have to say no to Brad Pitt.

I moved house and couldn't sleep, I had 2 options:

  1. Take pills from GP and get fat (they are originally for anorexia and make you crave sugar)
  1. Manage on 3 hours sleep per night and get even thinner

I went with option 1. sleep and get a bit fatter. All of sudden the summer is here (over 15 degrees in Scotland) and I've got mummy tummy boobs to match!

Tbh my ex was hanging around until December 2011 and threatens me with a risk assessment on my DC and their suitability to be around any man I meet, and that's if I even look at a man. and he finds out

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 12:57

Sounds like a charming man Yoni,

AnyFucker · 30/04/2013 13:02

Yappy, your ex can make whatever threats he likes, but he's talking bollocks

Unless you are previously flagged with SS for inviting dangerous men to move in with your children, they will tell him to take a running jump

ItsYoniYappy · 30/04/2013 13:19

Yeah I know, I don't take too much notice as he doesn't live near us he would make trouble wherever he could though, it's not great having him as baggage, he contacted me today again with his threats and weird accusations, he has a new g. friend, and baby, well not so much the baby as she is in care but I he has half a live to live I wish he would just fuck off tbh Grin

I told him as much this morning, along with how much he physically disgusted me and I had no idea why I stayed with him for so long.

Then blocked his fake profile and left facebook. He has no other way to contact me so that's that.

I am seriously thinking of moving to very very North of Scotland away from him, or Leeds (family).

boyfromipinema · 30/04/2013 17:14

Actually messaging fastdriver was a bit sleazy and opportunistic on my part now I think about it. Her original post wasn't about looking for a man on this forum for sex with, but for advice on where to find one.
Don't blame her for not responding.

AnyFucker · 30/04/2013 17:20

Preee-cisely Smile

AnyFucker · 30/04/2013 17:22

and, mate, you need to stop attempting to prompt her into replying to your message

< points 2 fingers at my eyes, points 2 fingers at boy's eyes >

boyfromipinema · 30/04/2013 17:23

lol.
I don't want her to reply and I actually want to retract the offer.
I'm not really ready for it yet if the truth be told.
Still a bit heartbroken.

boyfromipinema · 30/04/2013 17:24

....and I've still not finished my course of treatment at the sexual health clinic.

AnyFucker · 30/04/2013 17:27

erk Grin

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 17:27

AF reminds me of a dad trying to keep pervy teenage boys away from the daughter lol

AnyFucker · 30/04/2013 17:28

louly, I have a 17yo dd

tell me abouuuuut it Grin

boyfromipinema · 30/04/2013 17:28

And thinking about it, even if I was to meet her it would probably make more sense after my penis enlargement procedure.

AnyFucker · 30/04/2013 17:29

Her bf's have been petrified of me. I can't think why. Arf.

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 17:31

AF, it all becomes clear now lol

ItsYoniYappy · 30/04/2013 17:32

Ha! Class AF, it's funny when you can exactly what someones doing (up to) and just come out and say so, I do it in RL a lot too. Especially with males.

AnyFucker · 30/04/2013 17:35

Good luck with the procedure, boy

You will be irresistable when it's all over.

Loulybelle · 30/04/2013 17:37

AF, you could do a testicle retraction from your sharp wit alone.

boyfromipinema · 30/04/2013 17:38

Cheers. Actually is a correctional procedure as they mucked it up last time. It ended up looking like a toilet brush.
Just got to get the flatulance problem sorted after that and I'll be god's gift.