So I've finally got the pension valuations and he's crying on the phone

[KirstyWirsty]

Discovered STBXH's affair last new year .. Put him out and contacted a lawyer .. Got my own pension valuations by April .. Finally got his through last week

Our house was sold in August and DD and I have been living with my mum in a tiny house for the last 4 months .. I am desperate to get my own place

So the finances are being split 50/50 and he has £16k that he owes me off of his half of the house equity as his pension is worth much more than mine. And he was crying on the phone saying that if he fives me the £16k it will mean he won't be able to buy a house in as good an area for our DD7.. My mum thinks it is just emotional blackmail

He said that I earn more than him but he has more potential for promotion and is 4 years younger and so could take a mortgage over a longer period

Any views on this? He always makes me feel as though I am being unreasonable

Who has resident custody?

What does your solicitor say?

I think he's left it a little bit late to worry about this, he should have thought about his DD (as well as you) when he started his affair.

he is crying because he doesn't want to give you money that you are entitled to ?

Are you are listening to this, because ?

And not "are"

£16k won't make any bloody difference to where he can buy a house, he's using emotional blackmail, your mum is right.

I am the resident parent i have DD 4 days and he has her 3

My solicitor says I should get the money

He cares more about money than his child.

Then tell him to stop snivelling, it makes his sound like a pathetic little worm

Just cut off any conversations like this with "you will be hearing from my solicitor" and put the phone down

him

take the money and dont think of him, cos you can bet your life he wasnt considering where you would live when he started an affair

It solicitor and m are right as are u. His mistake, for every reason u mention. He will earn this back quick enough u probs wouldn't , just gonna have to make an effort isn't he....

Sorry my dear.

I say get the full amount you are owed. He could marry someone else, who won't care as much as you do about your dd's best interests and will quite happily benefit from the money he rightfully owes you!

Sod him being upset, he should have thought of that before he shagged someone else.

You can only rely on yourself to do right by your child - he may or may not. Let him rent in a nice area if he can't afford to buy, or get a smaller place. He's not your problem now. Look after yourself because he won't

Like your mum, I reckon he's trying it on.

Tell him to try crying in court and see whether the judge is moved to say he doesn't have to pay up.

You should get exactly what you're entitled to, the tears are emotional blackmail.

^^ All good advice. I especially like the 'try crying in court'.

This is one of those irritating occasions where mum knows best.

Take no notice of his crocodile tears and rejoice that his chickens are coming home to roost.

Given that you have a dd, is there any reason for the 50/50 split rather than 60/40 or similar?

TAKE THE MONEY

izzy I was happy just to go 50/50 to avoid fuss

He has already shown you that he is a lying piece of shit by having an affair behind your back.

He is still a lying piece of shit and you need to take the money you are entitled to. Do you think that suddenly he is an honest person?

Tell him he should have though it through before cheating on his family. That's all there is to it - he's trying to cheat you AGAIN! Don't allow it!

Couldn't he just agree to give you £16k from his pension by pension sharing order instead of the cash?

Take the money.

Why do people think men's tears are so meaningful?

I'd take it. And I'd find his tears slightly repugnant.

He should have considered those issues before cheating on you.

I'm sure your DD won't mind the area.

He will, though.

Tough.

Hey Kirsty - of course he wants you to feel you are being unreasonable. He's having to face up to the consequences of what he did and he didn't like it. You and your DD have been living with your mum because of what he did, you need a house, you need to get your life back together. If it takes him longer to get his own life back together that's just tough shit. You are not being unreasonable, do not feel sorry for him.