About a month ago I had a silly row with my DH over the phone about him being in the pub late (he rarely goes to the pub) and in a temper I decided to go to my mums for the night. She lives about two hours away.
DH came home to find me and DS gone, rang me to ask me to come home, I said no. He then rang my mom and said he too was going to drive to hers and take DS back. Despite me telling mom this was all just talk she rang the police.
They came over and asked me about 30 questions. Which apparently is standard procedure (things like does he hurt animals, has he ever made threats to you or your child) answered No to virtually everything as he is not violent or nasty. To cut a long story short the police classed this as a case of domestic violence which they automatically have to inform SS about. SS are now investigating me and DH. I've told them my DH has never physically hurt me, never threatened to hurt me but they REFUSE to believe me. Everything I say they twist to make it sound so much more dramatic. They tell me that night I was 'fleeing an abusive relationship' that 'I don't understand how serious the problems in my relationship are' because I was honest and told them that we occasionally row. ( who the F doesn't?!). They also tell me that if DH were to push me whilst arguing I could fall on DS and this puts him at 'significant risk of harm'.
DH feels like he is being unfairly demonised by everyone and I have to agree. The more they investigate, the more they seem to negatively elaborate every tiny detail. I've been very honest and co-operative with them so far but I'm reaching my wits end! So stressed!
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Relationships
I'm NOT in an abusive relationship but SS don't believe me!
HeiferInCalf · 22/09/2012 18:43
So SS came to our house, had a look round, checked DS bedroom and DS. Spoke to us both separately and together. I made sure I was as honest and clear with them as I possibly could be. Made sure I told them how DH doesn't drink a lot. They asked about drug use, DH is the most anti-drugs person you will ever come across. I admitted I once smoked a spliff when I was at college. (Once, 10 years ago and it gave me a cracking headache and I had to sleep all afternoon so I never tried it again.) Got noted down as 'a cannabis user' 
For now they are playing their cards close to their chest (which I suppose they have to) should find out the outcome of their assessment next week.
They did recommend a relationships course that is being held at the local community centre. I have been to the first class, was really, really educational and I left feeling quite emotional. I have a lot I need to work on and a lot we need to work on. There were some Moms there with older children who were explaining how bad relationships (with partners/parents/friends) have affected their kids. It surprised and scared me, looking forward to next weeks class.
Spoke to my Mum, wasn't a great conversation. She really doesn't like my DH! (More than I previously realised) it all basically stems from this belief that she has some sort of clairvoyant ability (my ass) and she has had some kind of premonition that he will cause her misery. Sounds like a self fulfilling prophecy to me. Because I think the best thing I can do is maintain the distance. At least until things are much more settled and everyone can talk without it being so emotionally charged.
Thanks for the advice and support MNs
Absolutely leguminous. Both me and DH have realised we need to find better ways of dealing with conflict. I need to not storm off, he needs to not say antagonistic things. We are going to go to relate which is also at the community centre.
The worst realisation was a) I have become so much like my mother after swearing all through my adolescence that I would be nothing like her 
b) My DS who is such a happy, content little baby would also learn these behaviours and turn out exactly like us. I know this sounds so completely obvious now and I do feel a bit of a dickhead, but it hadn't really occurred to me.
It is hard though not talking to my Mom. She is a nut job really, but she is also a kind and helpful Grandma and very generous. She does do a lot for charity and I don't want people thinking she is only some evil cow that enjoys meddling. (not that it makes any difference because none of you know her) But I still feel guilty for portraying her in a bad light, even if it is true.
I've always told her everything and in some ways I feel like I have lost my best friend.
The whole affair has left me feeling confused, overwhelmed, stressed, sad, embarrassed, stupid, fearful and in someways positive that things are going to get better.
depending on the outcome of SS maybe this was a wake up call that I needed and will result in a better Family life for all of us. I feel utterly exhausted and the long journey has only just begun! Best make some 
I think.
Heifer I think a lot of us only realise now odd our own families are when we come to have children of our own. Behaviours that seem reasonable and normal based on our previous experiences can look very different from the perspective of a 'normal' person.
It sounds as though you're making progress though. It's bound to be emotionally draining, but worth the effort. Have some 
with the tea :)
Got the result of the assessment letter this morning. 'No further action to be taken'
Thank goodness! This has been the most stressful two weeks of my life!
I'm determined to carry on the positives that have come out of this, like going to the relationships course, relate, counselling etc.
Got so much to do and so far to go.
I really do want to thank you MNs. You helped me see things much more clearly and from a different perspective (and possibly keep a hold of my last bit of sanity) 
Seeing as I think this has all come to a conclusion, this will be my last post. Going to change my MN name now as others have suggested. While 99% have been really helpful even when the truth is harsh, 1% are really vitriolic and nasty tbh! (That was one of things DH was surprised about, 'judgemental b*tch' was the phrase used and that's after dealing with me and DM!)
To the future!
Thanks, Heifer 
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