I'm NOT in an abusive relationship but SS don't believe me!

[HeiferInCalf]

About a month ago I had a silly row with my DH over the phone about him being in the pub late (he rarely goes to the pub) and in a temper I decided to go to my mums for the night. She lives about two hours away.
DH came home to find me and DS gone, rang me to ask me to come home, I said no. He then rang my mom and said he too was going to drive to hers and take DS back. Despite me telling mom this was all just talk she rang the police.
They came over and asked me about 30 questions. Which apparently is standard procedure (things like does he hurt animals, has he ever made threats to you or your child) answered No to virtually everything as he is not violent or nasty. To cut a long story short the police classed this as a case of domestic violence which they automatically have to inform SS about. SS are now investigating me and DH. I've told them my DH has never physically hurt me, never threatened to hurt me but they REFUSE to believe me. Everything I say they twist to make it sound so much more dramatic. They tell me that night I was 'fleeing an abusive relationship' that 'I don't understand how serious the problems in my relationship are' because I was honest and told them that we occasionally row. ( who the F doesn't?!). They also tell me that if DH were to push me whilst arguing I could fall on DS and this puts him at 'significant risk of harm'.
DH feels like he is being unfairly demonised by everyone and I have to agree. The more they investigate, the more they seem to negatively elaborate every tiny detail. I've been very honest and co-operative with them so far but I'm reaching my wits end! So stressed!

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

SS have far too much to do. They dont go around investigating people on IFs.

There is more to this. A lot more.

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

Your childishness when going to that extreme is enough for them to be concerned about your judgement of situations.

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

You haven't answered some of the more searching questions OP. Like what did you have to persuade your dm was 'all talk'? And why was she not reassured by what you said and saw fit to call the police?

[amillionyears]

izzyizin,if firearm is kept somewhere on the farm though not actually in the farmhouse, my points are still relevant as far as I know.They will also want to know where the keys are kept.
op,wannabes points 1 to 4 seem relevant too.

[TheCalmingManatee]

There are a few things that don't sit right with me

1. You say he stops you from seeing yoru mum, or doesn't like it.
   

THEN you say that she causes trouble with her over exaggeration of things.

Then you have a row over what tim he came home, or hes not home so you decide to "punish" him by going to your mums. Why would you do this if a) he doesn't like you to do ths and b) she causes trouble with her overexaggeration.

I can't see why SS would be concerned or interested if a firearms licence is held - these things are like gold dust, you have to be squeaky clean to get one thse. Officially less likely to kick off, so to speak.

[DontmindifIdo]

Get legal advice. I suggest you get your DH to get legal advice as well.

The calling the police in a total 'drama-lama' style is the sort of thing my mum would do, but then I wouldn't go to her in a dramatic situation, because I'm the opposite. If you are also a bit drama prone I can see why running to your mum who would'nt say "oh, you are being rediculous, go home and stop being so silly" would be the obvious choice, it's just backfired massively from being a bit of personal 'drama' to being very official and public.

I would suggest you dial down the drama too, your reaction wasn't normal. You were being a drama queen (flouncing out to piss him off because your DH had stayed at the pub rather than just eating on your own and then telling him he'd been rude the next day like a normal person).

Unfortunately, the police and SS don't know who are drama lovers and who are in danger. They have to assume you are in danger when you react like this.

Once you get this sorted (which you will if your DH isn't a threat and you act calmly with SS), then look at yourself, your behaviour wasn't normal, you need to dial down the drama.

[HeiferInCalf]

The 'all talk' refers to him saying he was also going to drive to Moms to take back DS. I think as soon as he got home he actually he had no intention of leaving, he was just saying it because he was annoyed and wanted to annoy me too.

[amillionyears]

TheCalmingManatee,my guess is that SS get official,and would then check all official angles which would include any dealings at all with the police.

[HeiferInCalf]

Oh and firearms are kept in locked cupboard in DH Fathers house. I don't know where the keys are. It's not my license so I have nothing to do with it.

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

Cant you see how damaging this point scoring is for your son??

At 3months he should be tucked up at home. Not driving two hours away because mummy wanted to piss off daddy.

As he gets older it will impact on him more.

[amillionyears]

op,I dont know if you realise,but you are coming across on here as very evasive.And we are a bunch of strangers.
If you are doing the same thing with SS,they are going to be very suspicious that something is going on.
Even if it is not.

[amillionyears]

Ah,you are now answering some questions.Sorry if I am being a bit premature.

[HeiferInCalf]

Ok thanks for that amillionyears. I didn't realise it. What do you think I am being evasive with? I mean anything in particular or the whole thing?

[LydiasMiletus]

If you are avoiding questions and down playing Thu gnon here, what are you like with ss.
I actually think they are concerned because your behaviour is childish. Its so silly they think 'there must be a reason' and the most obvious is an abusive relationship.
Have you told then you and your mum are drama queens and you only did this to piss him off as your mums behaviour (exhibited here)has caused problems before. Have you told them that you did this to point score?

[garlicnutty]

OK, this has been a crap year for farming and he's probably belting out the house whenever the rain stops, being anxious about lost income and fuming over spoilage. Meanwhile you have a new baby, which arrived in a very wet June, so you might be feeling isolated and you're both stressed to the hilt. Your mother's an emotional drama queen and you also have this tendency.

Don't be a drama queen. Take deep breaths, warm baths, whatever works. Don't piss about making nice dinners for husbands who are unlikely to be home on time! That's what microwaves and slow cookers are for. Eat your own dinner and phone your mum for a rant. Give H an earful if you need to, but try the breaths/baths first!

I'm still concerned about why the services are putting so much effort into you. Unless you live in the only over-funded, under-populated area of the UK they must have seen something in your story or have previous records concerning H. As things stand, it looks as though compliance will see your case closed and no harm done. You really might need to take a look at your relationship - I imagine this is clear to you both now!

Continuing to talk on here might be more helpful than you expect :)

[amillionyears]

wannabed 22.03pm
there were 4 questions there.
I think there are others on here not answered as well, but I am getting tired,so I may have to further answer tomorrow if necessary.

[garlicnutty]

... and what Lydia said above.

[LydiasMiletus]

I don't get why you had to try and convince your mum 'it was just talk'.
If dh and I argued and I left with the kids and dh called mum and said he was coming to get them. She would probably say 'wait til morning she everyone is calm then come over.' or 'come and stay here.'
if all hid has said is 'i want to bring my son home' and she has called the police then she is bonkers and Tbh OP you have made this mess by playing stupid games to piss your dh off. You knew what she was like.
What did she tell the police? Because I think she could be done for wasting police time, because she has lied. The police would not get involved for 'son in law wants to take his child home'

[HeiferInCalf]

I have told them Mom is a drama Queen, I haven't really said that I am ( not sure if that is through embarrassment or lack of realisation, tonight has been quite eye opening) I have told them I do get insecure and often I am the instigator of any rows we might have. Luckily we don't row often, maybe once every 6 weeks and never anything like this. They asked me if I was blaming myself when actually it was him. I denied that and I am even more inclined to think it is me not him. I perhaps need to stress this more to them.

[LydiasMiletus]

And why hasn't your mum told them she over reacted? Does she not think she did?

[Anniegetyourgun]

Could be that the SS in that area have had some nasty case just recently, or have just been given a rocket following a review, and are being extra sensitive to avoid any repeats.

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

Are you seeing now that the drama isnt good for children? You may have grown up thinking its great. But its not.

I think you need to look into your insecurity issues and your need for drama a bit more. It really needs addressed. If it really is you starting the rows then you need to do something now to ensure your son is brought up in a happy and calm environment.

Whatever it is thats going on, start dealing with it and cooperating.

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

You seem to have so little insight, OP. You don't even realise you sound evasive, and I agree with the poster who said that you do.

If there isn't more to this story than you say, can't you see what an idiot you've been? And what an idiot your mum has been? All of you now have to cope with ss putting your family under the magnifying glass. It feels like you are worried about what is happening or you wouldn't have posted, but that you don't understand your own role in this and how badly you have shot yourself and your whole family in the feet.

Despite the things people have said here, you seems bemused about it all and are airheadedly giving 'explanations' for all these things as if the way you have acted was totally normal and reasonable ('I like driving', 'ds was asleep all the way', ' I wanted a good night's sleep' etc)

[HeiferInCalf]

It may help for you to know I live near Haringey, so yeah SS here are 'on their toes' as they say.

[MrsjREwing]

I grew up with a drama queen Mother, she loves nothing better than a huge row.

You remind me of my Mum, the lack of awareness of your behaviour and it's effect on others.