I think it's sad people get so angry on these threads as it chases the op away. I don't understand why people are asking why ss are investigating this, as they have to if a child is under 1, & of course they take every referral seriously. It can also feel like they are putting loads of pressure on when they are just routinely investigating something.
There are gaps in your story OP, & if you want to fill us in that would be great as people here have v strong reactions about ss, & need to understand what's happening so they can judge it vs based on trust as on other threads. Mumsnet is rather on the side of children not mums in these circumstances, which I'm sure you can understand.
Anyway, my tuppence worth is: ss do question anything & everything when doing a first assessment, esp when referred through police/ child under 1.
My gp told ss when i confided in her my h had hit me, as my ds was about 8 mths old. It was a one off (from h & ss!), although was mamy momths before i managed to get h put of our home. I had a terrifying experience of children's services & any continued intervention by them would have actively hindered me from getting things ok for me & Ds BUT I'm sure that it isn't the case with alot of situations. (i was in the midst of becoming disabled & in absence of any other help h was my carer & i was not independent w/out him... Physically. Leave him or we will take your child doesnt work in that situation! & no help offered or referral to adult services, just alot of guff about how every woman feels they can't cope on their own & I will & also the gem, we re not here to help you we re only here to safe guard your Ds.. Err glad I'll miraculously heal, Anyway that's my story & that bit not relevant to you).
Luckily for me they just threatened me alot with what they'd do if anything was ever reported again & disappeared never to retirn either to help or hinder, leavimg me with a million unanswered questions & a fear that my ds would be taken away at any time. They never opened a file (i found out after chasing it up) but it left me feeling like they had done alot more than that.
Anyway v diff story from yours as h was abusing me (?), & different cos i def wanted out but I was also struggling with becoming disabled & being trapped in my situation. But i was very aware of trying to do the best for my baby & scared of any harm shouting, stress & hostile atmosphere & it's effect on him. And got out as soon as I could, (when I had help for me physically)
It's feels incredibly scary & intimidating & yes, I would say from my experiences they try & take everything in a 'worst scenario' type of way. However that's the environment they work in, they see worst scenario every day, & hard to get them to see anything other than text book abuse & woman allowing abuse of her child by proxy. If there are any signals that's your situation then they will push to see they've got any more grounds for intervening.
In my experience there was alot of blaming me for any effect violence of h had on Ds, which I can see came from probably immense frustration that mothers get so trapped in abuse they don't see the harm or stop it for their children. I would die for my Ds & am very (too much prob!) aware of any potential harm for him, & they backed off when they realised that I wasn't a weak willed / selfish person who wouldn't react putting Ds first.
I think maybe they'd be worried that you aren't talking about having weighed up a decision to drive when emotional with your child.
'late at night' I personally think is a red herring as my Ds wouldn't have cared less where we were or what we were doing as long as he was with me. He would have cared if I was upset though, & potentially dangerous driving would have worried me...
I wonder if it's worth you thinking about arguing styles & how to vent? As with a small baby it's easy to argue (tired, changing roles, frustration and again, tired!) but maybe you can work out healthier ways than points scoring?
I feel for you having done something which seemed ok & in anger at the time then escalates out of control & becomes bigger than
It is. Just wondering of you can think of different ways so this doesn't happen again - can you talk with your h about it? How does he feel about all this? How is he acting to you?