I'm NOT in an abusive relationship but SS don't believe me!

[HeiferInCalf]

About a month ago I had a silly row with my DH over the phone about him being in the pub late (he rarely goes to the pub) and in a temper I decided to go to my mums for the night. She lives about two hours away.
DH came home to find me and DS gone, rang me to ask me to come home, I said no. He then rang my mom and said he too was going to drive to hers and take DS back. Despite me telling mom this was all just talk she rang the police.
They came over and asked me about 30 questions. Which apparently is standard procedure (things like does he hurt animals, has he ever made threats to you or your child) answered No to virtually everything as he is not violent or nasty. To cut a long story short the police classed this as a case of domestic violence which they automatically have to inform SS about. SS are now investigating me and DH. I've told them my DH has never physically hurt me, never threatened to hurt me but they REFUSE to believe me. Everything I say they twist to make it sound so much more dramatic. They tell me that night I was 'fleeing an abusive relationship' that 'I don't understand how serious the problems in my relationship are' because I was honest and told them that we occasionally row. ( who the F doesn't?!). They also tell me that if DH were to push me whilst arguing I could fall on DS and this puts him at 'significant risk of harm'.
DH feels like he is being unfairly demonised by everyone and I have to agree. The more they investigate, the more they seem to negatively elaborate every tiny detail. I've been very honest and co-operative with them so far but I'm reaching my wits end! So stressed!

[HeiferInCalf]

Yes. What a difference a day makes! Things do look very different now compared to yesterday.
Shown the posts to DH and we have talked (calmly I might add) about all of this. He was shocked and surprised at some of the responses also. Most people have been really helpful, some . . well, not so helpful.
For now I think I have given as much detail as I feel comfortable putting on a public post, i mean the whole thing is google searchable.
Not going to post as much either for the time being. I don't want anyone to think I'm now being ignorant but I have a LO who really needs my attention :-)

[Proudnscary]

I guess I'm in the 'not so helpful' bracket, but err glad all is fine and dandy now :-)

[MrsjREwing]

What in particular was shocking and unhelpfull? I am glad things have improved for you both today and that there were helpfull posts for you both.

[Mydogsleepsonthebed]

I think you and your mother were a pair of drama llamas and it's come back and bit you on the arse. Either that or there's a helluva lot more to this. But, whatever, as long as you're OK and all's well

[amillionyears]

Glad it has made you both think things calmly through.
If you post on MN again,I would possibly change your name.
I dont think it is at all helpful to you to post the general area you come from.
Anybody and everybody could be on here.
Good luck op.
And in all seriousness,be very careful indeed what you say to you mother.

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

Unhelpful Well if hearing the truth which you would rather avoid is unhelpful then ok.

Waste of time. I genuinely hope you catch yourself on for the sake of your son.

[garlicnutty]

YY, OP, good luck and don't feed your mum's melodrama!

If - and that is IF - more issues crop up, do start another thread in a different name :)

[LydiasMiletus]

I think the OP has made a mistake its not unhelpful its the truth.
I laughed that the dh is shocked by response. Not more shocked than when SS are accusing him of abusing his spouse?
Op never did answer if dh had been questioned or if she had admitted to SS she was a drama queen and this started so she could point score.

[RabidCarrot]

It really is not normal to drive 2 hours to your mothers house because you are pissed off your OH went to the pub, and has your mother always over reacted to every little thing, I mean calling the police because a childs father said he was coming to get his child, what a waste of police time, I think you and your mother need to grow up really I do

[GhouliaYelps]

What a load of shit

[kinkyfuckery]

A couple of weeks ago, my brother was arrested for beating the shit out of his wife. It's all ok, because she told the police that it was nothing, that she was fine, that everything was ok. I have no idea how she explained away the fact that she'd called them in the first place, the broken ribs or the cuts and bruises.

It is SS place to investigate if they think something doesn't add up. I, for one, hope to god that they push and push with my SIL and determine that actually, no, he IS an abusive bastard and persuades SIL to leave with niece.

If you've truly nothing to hide/cover up, and fear what might happen, you should seek legal advice.

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

Shown the posts to DH and we have talked (calmly I might add) about all of this. He was shocked and surprised at some of the responses also. Most people have been really helpful, some . . well, not so helpful.

One thing being on MN has taught me is that people don't always tell you what you want to hear. It can be unsettling, upsetting even. But it doesn't mean it should be dismissed as unhelpful. When I've been in that situation myself I haven't enjoyed it, but I have learned from it. There is a lot of wisdom on here, don't ask for advice if it's only endorsement you seek.

Anyone being investigated by social services needs to shine a light on their relationship/family life. If there is 'nothing wrong' in the family, why are ss making a mistake? What has led them up the wrong track? Social services do not have the time/money to chase red herrings. YOU and YOUR FAMILY did something to get them on your back.

You need to think about that and learn from it.

[MrsjREwing]

Not everyone known to SS are reported. I asked for assistance due to disability. Wish I never asked, got no help, hastle and looked down on by the dc school, big mistake.

[tittytittyhanghang]

Going by your posts and taking them at face value, then i would say go get legal advice first thing in the morning! people pulling the at driving 2 hours to your mothers i do not understand, especially since your dc is so young, im sure your dc is neither aware or cares thats they are in a car and not likely to face a lifetime of repercussions becuase of it! 2 hours driving is a lot to some people, to others its just the daily commute and think nothing of it!

[garlicnutty]

Yh, I was a bit puzzled by all the reaction to the 2-hour drive. Good thing those posters don't live in a big country like Canada, I thought!

[Iamjezabel]

Its not the drive itself. Its doing the drive, unplanned late at night because the had a stupid argument and she was trying to point score. And went to someone she acknowledges causes problems in her marriage.

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

And taking the baby. I always felt vulnerable driving on my own at night with my dc when they were little and I would never have taken them on an 'unnecessary' long journey, I felt too protective of them. Just can't imagine scooping one of my babies out of its warm cot to put it in the car and drive in the dark.

I don't think it's normal behaviour, if unthreatened. To do this to prove a point is crazy.

[seeker]

I think there's more ton this than we know. But the at the driving is bonkers. I regularly took mine to my mums, which was 90 minutes away, and to mil's- 4 hours away from about 4 weeks old.

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

At night seeker? Just to piss your partner off?

[garlicnutty]

Whatever else may be up for debate here, it's not fair to project one's own fears onto another poster. I love driving, as OP said she does, and loved being in the car as a baby, like lots of babies. Some people feel vulnerable driving on their own at night; some love it! The fact that this would be a big deal for some doesn't make it a big deal for everyone.

[seeker]

What gqrlicnutty said.

Yes, frequently at night. Not actually to piss my partner off, becaue I never wanted to piss him off, and even if I had, going to my mum's wouldn't have done it.

[chipmonkey]

I drove for two hours once to surprise my parents with a visit. Only to discover they'd gone away for the weekend. Never did that again!

[seaofyou]

Hi OP.

I think when you were asked all those Qs that night it is a checklist to check if a MARAC or MAPP is needed! These are meetings that invlove every professional to discuss an at risk person in the community and what to do about it.
Now flagging up dh have a fire arm and 'yes' to a few other Qs you possibly scored high enough to warrent a MARAC/MAPP as most people don't have fire arms etc but throw in 'DV' possible situation and SS are going to be on this like fly on ....
They are just doing there job and although your dh has a 'fire arm' this has been scored highly possibly for wrong reason! The score chart don't say rule out vets/farmers/MI5 etc etc and only score drug dealers, psychopaths, bank robbers etc or any one else having a 'fire arm' with licencse.

I think SS will carry on with their investigations until they are 100% happy as you have 3 month old baby their too with you. You may just have to grin and bare it!

Agree with others seek legal advice because your baby is so young, but I guess they would have removed your baby by now.

You need to come clean with SS and explain you were being childish and GM was drama queen....to rule dh out if this is the case.
Good luck but they may hang around for a while which you can understand why can't you?

[Lueji]

Not knowing when the OP left home, a 2 hour drive would mean getting late at night at mum's, plus the usual packing and logistics with getting a baby out of the house.

And just for one night, to get at OH.

I don't think anyone will do that lightly and if they have again it's either childish/drama queen or there's a more serious reason.

Also, access to firearms is dangerous regardless of being farmer or drug dealers. Either can shoot their wives in anger.
And people with licenses can more easily get access, plus they usually do have them or handle them.

[confuddledDOTcom]

What is it with MN? This is the third thread I've read in a week where people are reading more into things than is there, where people have assumed that the OP has spoken to SWs like they post, where they must be lying and hiding stuff!

My OH has told me he'll sort dinner and then been out so late he's "not hungry" and just wants to go to bed when he gets in, it is incredibly frustrating! You go hungry because they've asked you not to do anything then either cook late at night for one or go hungry all night. He did it on me yesterday, we went over to my parents and I asked to stop at Tesco on the way, I asked if I should pick up some meal deals as he said he'd do the girls beans on toast and he said no he'd do us some cheese on toast, so I didn't. Then he realised he had enough beans for himself to have some too (I don't like them) so didn't do me anything and when I said I hadn't bought myself something he shrugged and said "whatever" I was furious! I wasn't feeling well and having to help our children, my niece and nephew to make things for my brother's birthday and now got to make food for myself on top because I'm the only one who didn't get any and it was worthy of a "whatever". I don't drive but I have put the catch on the yale! Yes, over him not being home in time to cook my dinner, the selfishness of telling someone not to cook/ eat and then staying out too late to eat is incredible!

We've been out late at night driving, go to visit relatives in another city and get stuck or a 3 hour journey taking 2.5 times the time. My parents used to bundle me in the car to settle me and it could take a couple of hours because I'd only sleep in the car.