I found some porn in my bathroom

[Stupiditysquared]

.. and asked the DCs if they'd downloaded it.

This was a pretty stupid thing to do. Nuclear war has erupted. The trouble was that in 18 years of marriage, DH has never used porn (so far as I am aware). He never normally goes into that bathroom, whereas the DCs do. Also I did not know that he'd been at home. It never occurred to me that it was him.

Now DD is screaming at her father that he is a filthy pervert. He's screaming at me for being stupid, which in fairness it was. And I'm in shock really.

What next

I find that quite odd to be honest. :(

The only thing I think that is weird here is that he printed porn. As well as leave it in the bathroom.

Oh Squeaky - voice of sanity and reason - thanks for that post

Bloody stupid of me to ask the DCs first though, eh? I should have just hung on until DH came home.

The reason he's cross, which is I think valid, is about involving the DCs. Making them confront the evidence of their parents' sexuality. And all children like to think they've been immaculately conceived, don't they? Asteria is right.

Am just engaged in a long and earnest conversation with DS about masturbation. He started off literally dying with embarrassment and shame. He's just about managing to look me in the eye now.

So maybe some good has come out of this.

Toy. Although I think there is more issues to this. Op has said in her posts she has what looks like political objections to porn. This is allowed and the fact her husband won't even listen speaks volumes.

He is being an arse.

Why? we've been married for 26 years, I expect to know everything about his sexual preferences and vice versa, what's odd about that?

Malificence, if you felt the urge to have a bit of solo fun.. would you tell him before or afterwards?

And would he do the same with you?

See, I am going shopping in a moment and will be out for an hour.. which would give my husband plenty of time to indulge...

I would much rather he didnt tell me...

I have absolutely no problem if he was having a wank while I was out though.

Some things, you just dont need to know about. It isnt keeping a secret.. it is just having a little bit of privacy and a right to it.

Given the specific circumstances - didn't know he used it, didn't know he'd been home and in the wrong bathroom - then I don't think asking the kids was exactly a crazy leap to have made! He is unreasonable to be blaming you for his mistake.

Re porn in general - many people think it's normal/no big deal, others hate it, others think it's exploitative. I think it's something that every person/couple has to make their own decisions about it. There is nothing wrong with not liking it though if that is how you feel.

I think your DH is being a bit of a knob to be having a go at you for this.

We're talking about porn use here though, not simple, private masturbation - although it's no longer very private now that he's left what is a fairly disturbing picture out in the family bathroom, it would be just as bad as if he had left a dvd in the family dvd player or porn files in a general photo file on the pc.

If your husband uses porn and you are fine with that , that's great, if you don't know if he uses it, but don't care if he does, also great, but if you don't agree with porn and don't think he does use it but then find out that he does, in secret, surely you can see how upsetting that is?

Its not good to pretend that porn doesnt exist though. Nor is it right to think that just because one person disproves of it, then anyone who does like it is a pervert.

If you are aware that your partner doesnt agree with it, that shouldnt mean you have to also disagree with it, but there is no reason why you should have to tell them and be met with their disapproval.

The mistake here of course was leaving the offending article in the bathroom.

However, it has opened up an excellent opportunity to calmly discuss individual opinions on porn with the teens, which is always a difficult subject to broach.

I do think it is important to make sure that the daughter isnt left with issues about her dad being some sort of pervert, when he isnt.

lol at no secrets relationships

yeah you keep on beleieving that

DH has calmed down a bit. He has acknowledged that it was stupid to leave the pictures in the bathroom.

DD however is another story. I'm going to have to have a heart to heart with her later tonight. She is adamant that all people who use porn are perverts. I've pointed out that on that basis, the majority of the population must be perverts, that sex and masturbation are perfectly normal.

She is eyerolling me.

I'm trying to process it dittany

It's not easy

dittany, I mentioned this several hundred posts back

nobody else, including the OP, picked up on it

weird

it seems to be being put down to "forgetfulness"

how conveninet

OP has managed to convince everyone that this thread is real and not a piss take

personally, I hope it is a piss take because there are some issues here that are quite disturbing

"lol at no secrets relationships,
yeah you keep on believing that".

There's always one fucking moron who has to come out with that old chestnut.
What about "all men use porn and if you thnk yours doesn't you're a naive fool", that's the usual follow up .

If my DH had (inadvertantly) exposed our DD to porn when she was a young teenager, I would have been beyond angry, I hope OP's husband is thoroughly ashamed of doing that - he should be. He should also man up and explain to OP exactly why he feels the need to use porn, it's the least he can do after all this.

100% with Dittanny on this. I think I even used the phrase fucked up in here somewhere.

*Dittany

Bollocks Dittany.

YOU think it is prostitution on film. That is your prerogative, it does not mean that is fact. Just your perception.

The bathroom is part of the house, just because it is mainly used by the teens in the house does not mean anything sinister apart from to someone with some sort of warped mind.

PA, the thread is real, I know who the OP is - a regular poster.

If I found abandoned porn in my bathroom I would take it as a sign that I needed to clean more often. I hope it was laminated.

Seriously I would be angry with my DH if he did this

I don't think finding out my dh wanked to porn would be the end of the world to me.
A bit of a shock, but not the worse thing.

However, how, factually speaking, can porn not be prostitution on film -doesn't money+sex=prostitution. How many people do porn for free?

Anyway, op-- I think your reaction is normal and sane and you've experienced both extremes of opinion on here.