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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I found some porn in my bathroom

1002 replies

Stupiditysquared · 19/02/2011 12:58

.. and asked the DCs if they'd downloaded it.

This was a pretty stupid thing to do. Nuclear war has erupted. The trouble was that in 18 years of marriage, DH has never used porn (so far as I am aware). He never normally goes into that bathroom, whereas the DCs do. Also I did not know that he'd been at home. It never occurred to me that it was him.

Now DD is screaming at her father that he is a filthy pervert. He's screaming at me for being stupid, which in fairness it was. And I'm in shock really.

What next

OP posts:
Original poster
Stupiditysquared · 19/02/2011 20:30

BOF who said that a woman would clean the bathroom more often? I mean that might be a perfectly accurate statement but I don't remember reading it on this thread.

What perplexed you about the OP? I'm a bit perplexed about the whole incident, but what was confusing about the OP?

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 19/02/2011 20:31

"jenandberry Sat 19-Feb-11 19:25:05
If I found abandoned porn in my bathroom I would take it as a sign that I needed to clean more often."

BitOfFun · 19/02/2011 20:33

Oh, I don't mean that I don't understand what you explained, but that -like you- I would find the whole situation hard to deal with and get my head around. I don't envy you, and I think that your dh giving you a hard time is appalling, frankly.

RumourOfAHurricane · 19/02/2011 20:34

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Original poster
Stupiditysquared · 19/02/2011 20:35

Thanks BOF :)

Well the porn wasn't there in the morning when I left. It was there in the evening when I came back though :(

OP posts:
jenandberry · 19/02/2011 20:43

FGS it was a joke, I even folloed it up by a "but seriously..

BitOfFun · 19/02/2011 20:46

Thank God for that. Sorry Grin

jenandberry · 19/02/2011 20:48

It as probably in poor taste.

dittany · 19/02/2011 20:48

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RumourOfAHurricane · 19/02/2011 20:49

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BeerTricksPotter · 19/02/2011 20:53

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Original poster
Stupiditysquared · 19/02/2011 20:54

Dittany - I promise I am not okay about the porn use. I feel strongly about it. Possibly not as strongly as you do, but strongly nonetheless.

The reason I stressed the forgetfulness, is that I didn't want DH to be considered to be some kind of paedophile, or in some way trying to sexualise the DCs. He's not.

The thing that I am trying to process is that my DH of umpteen years has just developed, or just demonstrated, an interest in porn. Which is a seriously big deal for me.

OP posts:
medicalmayhem · 19/02/2011 20:55

my ex kept porn in our family home even though i had asked time and time again for it not to be kept in the house, one day our DC stumbled across it as he had hidden it in their bedroom, they had a school mate round who saw it as well, later that day i had a phone call from the childs parents who were absolutely furious and threatened to phone social services, i was mortified, and to this day the so called school mate uses the incident to bully one of my DC, it is simply not acceptable IMO to have it in the family home,

BeerTricksPotter · 19/02/2011 20:57

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dittany · 19/02/2011 20:57

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squeakytoy · 19/02/2011 20:59

It is quite possible he has always had a vague interest in porn, but has respected your views on it, so never mentioned it.

I dont have any strong opposing views on adult porn, and my husband knows that, but he has never been all that interested in it either.. unless we have watched a film together... (((ooh dear, we must be perverts... Hmm )))

As for the comparing this to a teacher leaving a porn mag in school... that is just s very ridiculous comparison that in no way reflects what has happened here.

But then, it is Dittany... Angry

BitOfFun · 19/02/2011 21:00

HOw is the OP failing to protect her daughter? She has hardly ignored the issue.

squeakytoy · 19/02/2011 21:00

Oh here we go, Dittany will be suggesting you phone the police soon... ffs Dittany you never help, you just try to make posters feel even worse with your blinkered and biased views.

Original poster
Stupiditysquared · 19/02/2011 21:01

I'm not normally considered submissive Dittany. I'm just trying to take a balanced view

OP posts:
dittany · 19/02/2011 21:03

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RailwayChild · 19/02/2011 21:04

dittany is talking sensibly and I think that you need to see that the porn use is a separate issue to the 'carelessness' or 'considered action' that allowed your daughter to be exposed to this.

RumourOfAHurricane · 19/02/2011 21:05

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PeterAndreForPM · 19/02/2011 21:05

OP, you have said you think there might be "something in the territorial aspect to this"

for the 3rd time, could you explain what you mean please ?

if you mean he gets a thrill out of taking porn into his children's territory, wanking and then leaving it there for them to find I think you have a huge problem

could you reassure us that is not the case ?

Original poster
Stupiditysquared · 19/02/2011 21:06

One could of course argue that the careless action that allowed both DCs to be exposed to porn, was the parent who asked them whether or not they'd downloaded and printed it ... :(

OP posts:
RailwayChild · 19/02/2011 21:06

I'm with dittany - if a teacher did this what would you think?

Just because it's a father you want to protect him????

MAYBE it was a mistake but surely your DD'd feelings and protection comes first.

Your DH is the person who needs to make ammends not you - don't cover this up. Terrible message to your DD if you do

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