I found some porn in my bathroom

[Stupiditysquared]

.. and asked the DCs if they'd downloaded it.

This was a pretty stupid thing to do. Nuclear war has erupted. The trouble was that in 18 years of marriage, DH has never used porn (so far as I am aware). He never normally goes into that bathroom, whereas the DCs do. Also I did not know that he'd been at home. It never occurred to me that it was him.

Now DD is screaming at her father that he is a filthy pervert. He's screaming at me for being stupid, which in fairness it was. And I'm in shock really.

What next

Send him my way!

To the OP.

I would consider whether the symptoms are basically one of communication and lack of spine on your H's behalf.

If he has kept his porn use secret for many years he might have been wanting to come clean and this was his method. He might have considered leaving something where YOU could find it and where you would approach the subject with a more open mind thinking it might be one of the kids.

I know that many or even most women view porn differently to many men. My wife views porn as adultery and cheating, whereas to me it is simply fantasy material.

For what it is worth and my advice on being on the receiving end of a distraught wife discovering porn is to really try and calm your emotions. It is highly possible that he feels frustrated at being denied something that he feels is innocent and resents that, as well as being very embarrassed about it all coming into the open. Some men are proud to flaunt their interest in porn, but not all are.

Finally from a male perspective (mine anyway) remember that porn certainly does not mean that your H is unhappy with you, wishes you were someone else or is intending on cheating on you. I encourage you to talk to him but to try very hard not to feel threatened as mostly we tend to see this subject from very different viewpoints.