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Original poster

I found some porn in my bathroom

1002 replies

Stupiditysquared · 19/02/2011 12:58

.. and asked the DCs if they'd downloaded it.

This was a pretty stupid thing to do. Nuclear war has erupted. The trouble was that in 18 years of marriage, DH has never used porn (so far as I am aware). He never normally goes into that bathroom, whereas the DCs do. Also I did not know that he'd been at home. It never occurred to me that it was him.

Now DD is screaming at her father that he is a filthy pervert. He's screaming at me for being stupid, which in fairness it was. And I'm in shock really.

What next

OP posts:
LessNarkyPuffin · 19/02/2011 16:46

You have to be over 25 to print out your porn don't you? PMSL at "the pictures were printed on both sides of the paper".

squeakytoy · 19/02/2011 16:48

maybe he was quickly turning the page round to get a sort of "moving picture".. Grin

blimey.. that would be two aching wrists...

LessNarkyPuffin · 19/02/2011 16:50

At least it wasn't laminated...

Asteria · 19/02/2011 16:51

I should think that your DD was more horrified at the thought that her cripplingly ancient parents actually knew what sex was (aside from the two very functional occasions that happened 9 months before she and her brother appeared!). Discovering that her father actually looked at the same stuff as her peers - the images of him having some time in their bathroom will have probably sent her into complete meltdown! Poor love - I remember my mother approaching the subject of blowjobs with me and I was horrified!

Undoubtedly your DD and DS will be fine - if a little grossed out - your DH however needs to be more discreet about his personal viewing. You should have approached your DH first - if only to say "I have found this, what shall I do about it?" - rather than wading in there guns blazing. He has cocked up - but that doesn't mean that porn is bad perse, just that it is irresponsible to leave it where his DC's can find it. This whole situation seems (on the face of the information you have provided) to have arisen from a lack of communication between yourself and your DH - that may well also be why he feels the need to creep off to the children's bathroom and wank over printouts....

Original poster
Stupiditysquared · 19/02/2011 16:55

Only on MN - you've made me laugh. Thanks lots! Was a bit of a mess this morning.

OP posts:
TeiTetua · 19/02/2011 16:59

If you're able to laugh, well that's good.

Original poster
Stupiditysquared · 19/02/2011 17:01

Asteria - cross-posted with you - that's a very wise and insightful post.

You are right about the lack of communication thing, and there are clearly some underlying issues. The reason I didn't ask DH first (which I would normally) is that I collected DD from netball and DS from his friends last night. DH was going straight out from work to go out with some friends. So he wasn't there. And not only was he not there to ask, but I didn't think he'd been home all day!

Incidentally, he left before me in the morning, when the DCs left after me, IYSWIM. I didn't know that he'd left work a couple of hours early, gone home, had a shower and a wank (presumably) and then gone out again. I thought he was going straight out from work.

OP posts:
Malificence · 19/02/2011 17:16

If this is real, it just seems like such a weird thing for a man (who shares his space with a partner and children ) to do - has he told you why he did it?

Original poster
Stupiditysquared · 19/02/2011 17:22

Scepticism noted - but what can I say? It happened. I'm upset, the DCs are upset and DH is monumentally upset. I did namechange for the thread but if you like, and are happy to keep the details confidential, I'll PM you with my regular MN name.

I don't know why he did it. I certainly didn't know that he used porn. We've been married for many many years and I didn't know. I don't know how long it's been going on.

No he hasn't told me why he did it. He has just shouted loudly that he knew I didn't use porn (bit of irony there - turns out he knows me better than I know him) and that he absolutely thought it was normal and wasn't going to apologise.

I haven't got to the bottom of why, at all. Perhaps there is no why.

OP posts:
medicalmayhem · 19/02/2011 17:25

i have asked this b4, if it is soooooooooooo normal why do so many men hide it from their partners, if it is so common and average and run of the mill???????

FluffyMummy123 · 19/02/2011 17:29

why did oyu involve hte kids

emmyloopsyloo · 19/02/2011 17:29

He thinks it's normal to leave his wank fodder in the toilet used by his dcs and dragging this out with your help distressing your dcs.

He also refuses to apologise. You both have more issues than the porn here.

Original poster
Stupiditysquared · 19/02/2011 17:35

Cod, this was my stupidity

But they are teenagers, they must be a bit curious about stuff. I thought it was them. It literally never occurred to me that it was DH. He hadn't been there, he never normally goes into that bathroom and he didn't use porn (I thought)

I know this was stupid, in retrospect. Really stupid.

OP posts:
Malificence · 19/02/2011 17:46

He thinks it's normal to come home to an empty house to get ready to go out, to print out a porn picture and then have a wank to it in the bathroom ?

The having a wank in the bath bit I can understand, it's a pleasurable activty, but the premeditation to actually source out printed material seems exceedingly weird indeed, as does the fact that he uses porn and you aren't aware of it - if he thinks it's so normal, why has he kept it from you for who knows how long?

squeakytoy · 19/02/2011 17:53

right.. lets put a perfectly plausible female twist onto this..

everyone is out.... mother of the house fancies a little "me" time... (quite literally)..

runs herself a nice bubble bath, gets the rampant rabbit out from its hiding place, and saunters off to the bathroom... quite possibly clutching a westlife calender (substitute for hearthrob of choice here)... and bear in mind, most women dont need a graphic photo to get their fantasies into working order.... whereas men are more stimulated by the visuals...

mother has a grand old frolic... gets up, dries off... and wanders off totally forgetting the the rabbit is lying discarded by the hot tap....

now, leaving the soggy westlife calender wouldnt have raised many eyebrows.. but anyone else finding the rabbit would have had similar reactions to what has happened in the OP.

Is the mother a pervert for having a bit of solo fun.... nope.. not at all.

Would the son be up in arms screaming at mum she is a pervert.... nope... probably disgusted at the thought of it and mortally embarassed.. but he would get over it.. and his mates would probably get off on it...

Should the husband be furious with his wife for her use of the vibrator and her ability to orgasm without him...... nope..

Grin

You all need to move on from it.. its one of those family farces that happen now and again.... nobody was hurt.. nobody comitted a crime... and yes, you will all laugh about it in time..

Malificence · 19/02/2011 17:58

The husband should indeed be furious if he didn't know that she even had a vibrator .

It's not knowing about a very intimate part of your partner's life that is so very worrying and upsetting, plus the fact that he left his evidence behind and made her look like an idiot.

zonkin · 19/02/2011 17:59

Well said squeakytoy.

squeakytoy · 19/02/2011 18:01

The husband should indeed be furious if he didn't know that she even had a vibrator

why should he??? Confused

squeakytoy · 19/02/2011 18:03

he made himself look a bit of an idiot by leaving the evidence behind...

she made herself look a bit daft by tackling it the wrong way..

no need for anyone to be worried, upset or furious..

Scrumpet · 19/02/2011 18:04

Blimey, I'm amazed that a dh should be furious that he didn't know about his wife's vibrator. Is a woman allowed no privacy at all in a marriage?

Malificence · 19/02/2011 18:05

Because secrets like that have no place in a relationship, I'm not saying she should ask his permission to use it, or inform him every time she's had a bit of DIY time, but for him to not even know that she has it is wrong.
If she didn't have a clue that he used porn, he has obviously covered his tracks up until now, why has he kept it from her?

squeakytoy · 19/02/2011 18:08

My husband wouldnt have a clue if I have used porn and a vibrator occasionally.... I wouldnt have a clue if he had done the same as the Ops husband.

There is only me and him living in this house, and I know the dog wouldnt be printing off anything...

I wouldnt go mad.. I might take the piss a little.... and I certainly wouldnt expect him to go mad in a reverse situation... I might expect a bit of ribbing....

Thats a healthy relationship.

Malificence · 19/02/2011 18:17

That's a healthy relationship for you you mean, you've obviously decided between the two of you that having that kind of personal privacy is how you both like to function. Wink
The OP obviously thought they had no secrets of that ilk, can you not undertsand the utter shock of finding out something deeply intimate about your partner that you had no idea about?

If I found out that my DH had been secretly wanking to porn I would be furious because it's the type of thing I would expect to know about, that's the kind of relationship we have, no secrets.

squeakytoy · 19/02/2011 18:18

Do you not allow each other to have ANY privacy with regards to your own bodies?

Malificence · 19/02/2011 18:21

No, we don't.

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