What phrases do you dislike from estate agents details...

[KitschinSynch]

My pet hates are:
"this fine home" related to any Victorian house
"buff interior" buff meaning fit rather than the colour...
I will add more when they come to me :)

"Conveniently situated"

Usually means ...on a busy main road, next to a pub.

All depends on what you want to be convenient to I suppose.

Or near a public toilet maybe?

"Requires improvement" = You will spend all your time and money on it until you eventually sell it.

"Flexible accommodation" -usually means they have listed the house as a four bed but the fourth bedroom is accessed from the garage.

"Must be seen" - well yes clearly otherwise how else will you know whether to buy or not?!!!!

'Sort after location'

'Deceptively spacious' - they mean it's small but looks big, I think - actually means it's spacious but doesn't look it...

Requires some updating = total shit heap.
Has great potential = is in a right state.
Charming and quirky = dilapidated and falling down.

'Comprising of'

Starting sentences with 'having'.... Ie 'having double sockets to hallway.'

"Well presented" - not for any particular reason, they just always use it if somewhere is decorated neutrally.

I actually have a bit of a problem with 'property' and 'home'. I would prefer 'house/flat/bungalow' but then I like things to be plain and factual.

Our last house was a "handsome executive home". That's code for "lots of dead/unusable/environmentally un-friendly space and grandiose details thought up by someone with no taste and delusions of grandeur".

Requires some modernisation - needs to be gutted and start again.

Tucked away location down a back alley with no access by car

glimpses of the river if you stand on a chair and crane your neck out if the tallest window

'Benefits from' something you'd expect as a matter of course, like a bathroom.

'Keenly priced' which means they overpriced it in the first place and the vendors are sick of not selling.

Potential for extension = pokey shithole

Bags of potential = shithole

Do-er-upper= midden
Vibrant location=noisy

Light and airy.

a great opportunity to acquire = kid yourself you're getting a bargain because it's cheaper than the neighbours, but by the time you've finished doing it up you'll have spent way more than you should have

undergone modernisation but still managed to keep all of it's charactor and charm. Neither modern not traditional. Bit of a hotchpotch

Vendor suited- does that mean a well turned out vendor?!

"Stunning" - the most over-used and inappropriately used word. Have been looking and can't find it but recently saw a garden described as stunning.... it was 20 feet of concrete surrounded by a cheap wooden fence. No plants, no greenery whatsoever. Some old clothes hanging from the fence. In the middle of a local authority estate.