What phrases do you dislike from estate agents details...

[KitschinSynch]

My pet hates are:
"this fine home" related to any Victorian house
"buff interior" buff meaning fit rather than the colour...
I will add more when they come to me :)

My husband hates "viewing advised" because obviously you would just go of the details and I recently snorted at one that told me a house was painted with f&b paint throughout.

Also property that "boasts" about having x many bedrooms or a kitchen diner to all the other houses in the street.

Yes,yes to benefits from an indoor wc. Aye seeing thats the minimum and aw that

We're looking atm. Everything is apparently "stunning".

Nothing is.

'Intriguing' seems to be on the rise. Usually a euphemism for poky, smelly or peculiar layout.

a bijou residence = ???
conveniently situated = above a chippy and next door to a pub
courtyard garden = tiny with no room to swing a cat

'Benefits from' -UPVC windows

Delightful. Lots of delightful properties here

Interesting layout = impractical
In the catchment area for local schools = no chance of getting in to a decent one

Apple - what you said! Plus 'Improved' with UPVC windows, beige buy-to-let B&Q kitchen, etc.

What gets me most is the spelling though. None of them can spell.

Boasts
Benefits from

Often used in relation to things like windows, doors, bedrooms. Of course it has those, it's a house!

The willful misuse of 'cottage' for a house of any size, age and status within 20 miles of the countryside.

Betwixt, whats wrong with between?

Ahh yes - the 'low maintenence patio garden' haveyoutriedarewardchart

A little off message but one of my favourite photos was a photo of bathroom that had a round table in it, with table cloth, family photo on it and a bell. A bell. The mind boggles.

There's an EA in Hitchin that gets it just right:

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-47168162.html

:-)

Oh FFS, Dreamboat that is gag worthy!!

'Charming'. Is the house going to ask me out on a date?

All of these!
Also 'home' - its a flat or a house
and 'moments from'

bijou = tiny. Do not buy if you have more than one suitcase of belongings or claustrophobia.

suitable as pied a terre = not big enough to live in full-time and you'll be dying to get out of it by the weekend

I'd love to write copy for an estate agents. I think I would enjoy conjuring up an appropriate level of hyperbole. My house is on the market at the moment, and thankfully the description is not too over the top, but it does specifically mention the presence of bamboo and banana plants in my garden which made me laugh. Perhaps that was all they could find to say that was positive?!!

Deceptively large-in my book this means small but to the EA it apparently means looks small but is large really.

Can we include letting agents' phrases too, please? This thread came up in active and I am trying to find somewhere to live at the moment, so very, very, very fed up with jargon. Especially 'benefits from' as said above!

'mezzanine bedroom' - you stuck a pallet on the wall and provided a ladder.

'spacious open-planing living area' - bedsit you don't want to list as a bedsit.

'quaint' - health and safety hazard.

'communal garden' - dog toilet no-one takes responsibility for clearing.

'Comprises of'

Why do they all use exactly the same language? Is there a manual?

Do you think they size you up in the job interview? And look sad when they realize you're highly qualified, but unfortunately you let slip three correctly-applied prepositions so they'll have to let you go?