What phrases do you dislike from estate agents details...

[KitschinSynch]

My pet hates are:
"this fine home" related to any Victorian house
"buff interior" buff meaning fit rather than the colour...
I will add more when they come to me :)

Our local paper recently advertised a house as "rarely found in this area" which had us boggling as to whether it, Brigadoon-like, appeared only at intervals.

Reminds me of my friend's house that really was difficult to find so he had the address "Number X, Street, behind the sex shop, Town name" officially registered with the Post Office.

A local EA round here has no idea how to write up blurb.

"Boasting from being an end terrace..."
"Benefits of it being decorated to a high standard"
"Boasts from parking to the side"

Miggsie

Nooo! PMSL @ behind the sex shop
hahaha

"Sea views" - yes, if you stand on the chimney pot with a pair of binoculars
"Vacant possession is offered" - that'd be nice, charming as I'm sure the current owners are

My favourite was a brochure for a flat that said "You arrive with a gasp into the reception room". I did gasp, as it was about two feet square..

I like "discerning buyer" for "people with at least a million to spend"

Ha,chansondumatin a favourite of mine is 'oblique sea view' - if you lean right out of a window you might see a sliver of sea...

cloakroom. Guess it sounds better than 'unfeasibly small toilet'. (Does anyone actually own a cloak these days ?)

Yes! Or "indirect sea views" (there's a block of flats and several massive evergreens in the way, but the view is still "tremendous")

"Uber cool architect designed property" - overpriced neo-brutalist eyesore

Two double bedrooms. What I actually found on viewing was a double bedroom, and a room that you would be optimistic to describe as a box room. It could only have been a double bedroom if you slept vertically!!

A house near us had the fourth bedroom described by the estate agent as 'irregularly shaped room' with no measurement given at all! I wanted to go and view just to see what they meant.

I guess my apartment could be described as irregularly shaped rooms. Basically it doesn't have one square or rectangular room

General hyperbole.

Near me, it seems every house is "absolutely stunning" and the agent is "thrilled" or "delighted" to offer it for sale.

I look forward to one day seeing particulars that say "bog standard Victorian terrace, just like all the others"

"Preferred first/second/ground/top floor position" *delete as appropriate

*DontDrinkAndFacebook Thu 18-Sep-14 06:25:27

I've just looked at a house on rightmove where the dining room was described as a 'dining hall.' It was 8 foot x 9 foot. Hardly of medieval castle proportions. hmm*

I guess they mean the hall as in the small room which contains the front door and the stairs, and they've stuck a dining table in it. Rather than a banqueting hall. You surely can't fit a normal-sized table and chairs in an 8 foot x 9 foot room, though, can you?

Formatting fail; sorry.

No, it was definitely just a small dining room, I saw the floor plan!

I love miggsies randomly appearing house

One of our local estate agents gives each property a special title in their newspaper ads. From this week's paper we have 'Natures (sic) your neighbour', 'Special K' (in a road beginning with K), 'Engage a relaxing lifestyle' and 'Elevated Alfresco Enjoyment'. The writing underneath is so small that I never bother to read the descriptions, so some of them don't make any sense to me at all.