Facebook status updates you wish you could write. XXXX...

[Tigresswoods]

Following the success of this thread in "Conception" I thought I would share its cathartic qualities here in "Pregnancy" too.

I'll give you a starter for ten:

Tigress has no symptoms at 6 weeks except for exceptionally sore nipples

See, you can't write THAT on Facebook!

grumpy has shagged just about every man she's ever known in her dreams recently. Yes, that includes YOU!

grumpy has an itchy fanjo, sore arse, ahcing tits and wants to tell the real world to feck off for the next 20 weeks and let her focus on being a better preggo.

Bluemonkey She's on our Antenatal thread and there's nowt on FB so no I don't think she has.... Could be very wrong though!

I just had one of those horrible lightbulb moments, and I realised I posted something on this thread, thinking it was under 'Conception' not 'Pregnancy'... I think it must have been deleted cause I can't find it, but apologies if I offended anyone

I'm not a troll, honest! I knew I'd end up making a tit of myself at some point

Lozza79 made mayonaise from scratch for dinner last night and laughs in the face of salmonella!

I would like to copy GracieGirl's comment:

Gracie Rubylove1 would like to shout very loudly that NO I HAVEN'T HAD THE BABY YET AND WILL EVERYONE STOP TEXTING / PHONING EVERY 5 MINUTES TO CHECK - I promise I won't forget to mention it once I've given birth! Baby not even due until saturday anyway!

What I actually put was:

"NO I haven't had the baby yet, NO there aren't any signs yet, YES of course I will let you know when I have had the baby and Im FED UP and UNCOMFORTABLE. Also I DO NOT KNOW when she will arrive because I threw my Crystal Ball against the wall and it smashed, my guess is she'll do what she wants to, when she wants to...JUST LIKE HER MOM!!"

Already had a snotty comment back (like I give a shit)

Just having one of them days

Lola is utterly incapable of cooking or baking during pregnancy. I have tried! I am constantly hungry too and being close to tears as my cake didnt work is surely wrong.

Lola is also fed up of other ppl annoying her. Yes I am eating a bit more. I am growing a baby I am hungry!
I am not having a good day I am pooing my pants about my consultant scan 2moro. Leave me and my big broken cake to come dine with me and go live on your salad island.

I do apologise for rant.

Posie couldn't care less about people's not so subtle boastful status.

LateForWork was 'working from home' today and feels only slightly guilty that her only two achievements were 1) discovering the world of Mumsnet and 2) witnessing the first baby kicks which actually made her stomach twitch visibly.

AllieW would love to tell everyone she's pregnant, but has had to make do with a select few.

AllieW feels like the 6 1/2 weeks until her 12 week scan are an absolute eternity and just wants to have some proof, other than symptoms and 8 positive pregnancy tests....

Picklepants, I'm sure it doesn't matter that this thread is in pregancy and now conception - we will let you on here anyway

bluemonkey wants to tell the world to go screw themselves today

Boodleboot has discovered that she is able to orgasm just by DH touching her nipples....the first welcome side effect of thsi pregnancy so far yippeeee.

hoops is very and about boodle post!!

hoops has stuff coming out of her nipples!!

grumps wants to be able to write what Boodle wrote

Willow would kill her DP for even looking at her nipples at the moment so fair play to boodlebot

wendsw found out yesterday that she is (allegdly) 6 weeks pregnant but, after 2 years of trying, doesn't quite believe it yet

zyggy found out yesterday that she is (allegdly) 6 weeks pregnant but, after 2 years of trying, doesn't quite believe it yet

right today i felt like writing this after someone posted for the millionth time if there were any 'signs' baby was coming

• Yes i am in full blown labour but decided to come on facebook and write about something completely different in my status bar. F*CK OFF!

i mean seriously, the 'signs' of impending labour are things like losing mucous plug, waters breaking, the runs. How appropriate to write that i have lost my mucous plug while in the shower or something to that effect.