Facebook status updates you wish you could write. XXXX...

[Tigresswoods]

Following the success of this thread in "Conception" I thought I would share its cathartic qualities here in "Pregnancy" too.

I'll give you a starter for ten:

Tigress has no symptoms at 6 weeks except for exceptionally sore nipples

See, you can't write THAT on Facebook!

ArcticFox should accept that when the midwife tells you to eat an extra 300 calories a day, she does not mean "go and get a Big Mac".

and on that note,

ArcticFox should not be surprised that she can barely get her jeans done up at 8 weeks

bloomingbex has room to breathe in the trousers today. Ahhh relief!

bloomingbex wonders if her dp is the only one who keeps patting his bits and congratulating them on a job well done.

Glasto peed herself while throwing up this morning

Glasto thought morning sickness was supposed to be non-existent by 24 weeks

Glasto hates her pug ugly boss and wants to rearrange his face into something less offensive

Gracie would like to shout very loudly that NO I HAVEN'T HAD THE BABY YET AND WILL EVERYONE STOP TEXTING / PHONING EVERY 5 MINUTES TO CHECK - I promise I won't forget to mention it once I've given birth! Baby not even due until saturday anyway!

Gracie would also like to mention that at 9 months pregnant I spend a lot of time either on the loo or pretending to be asleep, so please don't panic and ring my Mum and tell her you think I'm in labour just because I didn't reply to your text within 20 mins!!

KarrierBag feels like shit and may have to be induced at 37 weeks due to PROM.

itshappenedagain- knows what she is having...a baby...and yes i am big...see previous comment.

or
itshappenedagain could sleep for a week and still be tired...no im not lazy just ill and cant go into hospital to rest as there is noone to take care of DS!

SeaShells hates being a short tempered hormonal cow around her ds - its not his fault Mama feels this way, and can't tell anyone why yet!

Monstermuncher has really bad wind and nearly let rip in a team meeting today

or

Monstermuncher is having dirty dreams about random people at work who she doesn't even fancy

I'm glad I've found this thread.

I'm so p*ssed off at the moment that I'm so close to actually posting something very sarcastic about my non existant friends.

It would say something like:

Just because I know you care so much, hence the barrage of texts/calls asking how I am, I can hardly walk and am in agony. Thank you to the very few of you that have bothered with me, you know who you are. It's always times of crisis when you find out just exactly WHO your friends are.

I am suffering with extremely painful SPD and am virtually housebound. No offers of help,support, not even the odd text or message on FB just asking how I am.

I've never felt so alone and unloved by my so called friends in my life. Thank God I've got a fantastic DH.

i actually posted this - been very gassy recently and needed a giggle:

'pppfffffttttt.... oh excuse me, was that my ass?!'

Tigress is 39 + 3 and figures the baby will just come when he is ready

Tigress is big, tired and ready to go now

Bluemonkey123 would like to thanks Tigress so much for starting a thread which has given her the most entertaining hour of work I have ever had!!
I have laughed and cried my way through all 32 pages and thoroughly enjoyed myself...now for my contribution.

Bluemonkey123 would like to tell so called Friends that I don't go on about being pregnant half as much as you go on about your friggin lives, so stop rolling your eyes every time I so much as mention it. I am allowed to talk about it sometimes you know!!!

Tigress would like to put a pregnancy related status everyday but fears she would bore everyone silly

Tigress is off to buy some raspberry leaf tea and feels like she is going to buy something illegal!

Tigress wants her baby to arrive on St David's day

Tigress has got a nursery full of cool stuff and no baby yet to use it with.

AmesBS7 has not had the baby yet, although it really is funny when you all keep asking whether it's come or not. And remarkably, being 40 weeks pregnant, she already knows about sex (dear God), pineapple (heartburn), curry (doesn't work) and raspberry leaf tea (vomit) being recommended.

AmesBS7 knows that she's supposed to enjoy these last 'precious' moments of freedom, but really would prefer to not be unable to move any more.

AmesBS7 is sometimes annoyed with the bump.

I did actually post yesterday on facebook;
" Has piles , beat that ! "

surprisingly only got 1 comment !

Way to open for the Brits !

I did actually post yesterday on facebook;
" Has piles , beat that ! "

surprisingly only got 1 comment !

Way to open for the Brits !

Hermya321 after a weekend of misery has managed to eat one and a half pieces of toast (even though it took me an hour) and not feel like her tummy has turned inside out. Victory, I think so!!

hoops has thrush, which equals a very itchy foof

hilarious thread! if only we could be so honest on facebook.
allow me...

alannabanana is pissed off at her male friends for not understanding that of course her husband can't go on that stag doo 4 weeks before she's due to give birth, and they should have the balls to have a go at her (if they think they're hard enough) rather than DH!

ahhh, and relax.

"Anifersgirl wishes her relations understood the meaning of 'discreet' and realised she doesn't want the whole of facebook knowing she's pregnant. Oops."

Anyone fancy a shag?

I wouldnt, and wouldnt take up the offer, but i am alone, and my very human side wishes to emerge sometimes.... haha

Kitchenkate is secretly doing pelvic floor exercises at her desk.

IsaacsMomma has a very sore and swollen wami due to 4 days overdue baby pushing down on it so much. Please come and say hello soon, please .....

wonders if Tigress has had her baby yet?