Location move not going well

[Jo20111]

Hi, advice needed please,

8 weeks ago I moved to a much better area 2.5hr away with my family. The new school is outstanding but the children (12f & 14m) don’t like it. They say everyone is too posh and they don’t fit in. I kind of get where they’re coming from with this. We are very well off but not posh at all - our accents really stand out. We’ve been planning this move for a year.

Our house sale still hasn’t gone through yet, we’re living in a rental and I’m ready to throw in the towel. Husband thinks it’s a bit too soon.

I don’t know what to do. It’s half term next week and we’re going home. The kids are beyond delighted to get back to our old house and see their old friends. They’re adamant they don’t want to come back.

I worry about the future though. We could try a move again in 2 years when eldest has finished his GCSEs but the children will have greater ties to their friends by then. I also don’t want to stay in the area - the house is amazing but the area is awful and I can’t imagine retiring there with no nice places nearby to go for a coffee/hubby to cycle/play golf etc. I would also rather not have my kids/grandkids raised there - I think there’s far better places with better prospects and lower crime. The problem is, our house is amazing and we’ll not get anything as large or with as much land in this new area.

My son (14) is getting on better than my daughter (12) who’s really struggling to gel with anyone at school. It’s heartbreaking to see her sat inside every night on her own. She used to be out with her friends all the time.

Would you stick it out? Try again in 2 years? Or just resign yourself to living in a sh*thole for the rest of your life? 😂

This isn't going to do your kids any favours at all OP. They can't keep changing schools, I think you need to go back to the rental and stay in the school where they've spent the last term.

You say your son is finding his feet, it’s going to take more than half a term to do that fully so stick it out. Your daughter is 12, she’ll settle. I think you’ve done the right thing. I wouldn’t go back to your old house though each holiday, it will not give them the new start they need if you keep going backwards and forwards.

Nothing weird about favouring tap water. The first thing I used to do when I got home was have a big glass of cold tap water. Soft water off the Pennines that’s filtered its way through the millstone grit (excellent for retting wool)

They’re going back to their old school which they both loved.

I think you'll have a much harder time convincing them to move again, especially as they will be older.

Honestly @Jo20111 it's going to be harder and harder to move them given their ages and where they are in their education journey.

I can't believe that you've gone back!

Have you thought of renting the northern house out? and renting another one that you prefer in the Cotswolds? The property market is pretty stagnant atm.

Sorry if this has been suggested and I've missed it.

You’ve done the right thing for your family 👏

Our house isn’t the type of house you’d rent out unfortunately. If we got a bad tenant they could do £100,000s of damage and if they didn’t pay the rent we’d be stuck with a very expensive rental down there.

It’s not all bad I guess. We know for sure we want to move, we might just have to put it on hold until the eldest has done his GCSEs. We have 18 months to sell now and don’t need to rush anything. I’m going to put more effort into finding people/clubs our daughter might like before we make the move again. Hopefully it will lead to a smoother transition.

There’s some lovely up market bits of Lincolnshire… around Stamford. Never sure what’s Lincolnshire, Leicestershire, Rutland etc round that way but some villages as nice as Cotswolds, good schools and very horsey.

You just have to hope he passes some...

It doesn’t have to take 18 months to sell a house. You just take the highest cash offer. A freehold house can shift from an offer to completion in a month with a motivated buyer. An offer with a mortage but no chain only needs to take as long as the mortgage approval.

If this is true, that's a crazy move. What possessed you? Surely there's somewhere 'naice' closer. Why not Cheshire so your daughter could see friends at weekends?

Well, you’ve just told your kids who’s running the show. Fantastic life lesson there @Jo20111. You never really wanted to move either, did you?

It's called insurance!

Forgive me this one, ye I;m being pedantic, but I just out of interest did a quick squint at rental properties worth over £1,000,000 in the UK. It bought up properties that were available to rent up to about £55,000pw. Presumably these could have ,£100,000s of damage done to them too.

I'm concerned that you are taking your children back to an area that is, as you have previously mentioned, pretty dire. Leaving it 'another 18 months' during what are formative years in the children's upbringing doesn't seem to make much sense.

Probably just me.

If your financial postition is so strong, why the hell didn't you get out of the area before? Why have you allowed your son to get to the stage where he's studying for GCSEs at such a shit school where misbehsviour is normalised and on pitch aggression is standard? You clearly aren't that bothered about getting them, or yourself, out of there!

@Jo20111 I just think you have completely buggered up the timing on all of this.

In 18 months time it will be really hard to move your older one.

If you have to stay in Scunthorpe, their current school is shit and you are in a good financial situation, the very least I would do in your situation is get them in a private school. I would do this as a matter of urgency as this will most likely have a positive impact on them.

I grew up in a poor, deprived area in the north west. I was fortunate to go to a good private school. Teaching was very good, behaviour was good (there was the occasional misdemeanor but nothing serious), horizons were expanded, soft skills were honed, oracy was encouraged and sports and arts facilities were great.

Changing their school environment will definitely make an impact particularly if you live in a shitty area. Please don't let your own blinkered thinking on what private education is stop you from exploring this avenue. It was transformational for me and many of my peers. Most of us have moved away and / or have established successful careers. That is not the same outcome as a lot of my friends who went to the local comp.