DS10 said his birthday was rubbish because I didn’t get him one decent present

[Dizevan]

DS turned 10 yesterday and this morning before school he told me his birthday was rubbish. Apparently I should have got him one good present instead of a load of things he didnt actually want.

I spent about £110 altogether which is a lot for me. I got him a football, a football shirt, a lego set he’d mentioned wanting and a couple of smaller bits. Got his favourite cake as well and let him choose what we had for tea. Nothing amazing but I thought it was a decent birthday and he’d seemed happy enough opening everything yesterday.

The thing is he wants a Switch 2. Has been going on about it for months because one of his friends got one for his birthday a few months ago. He knew he wasnt getting one though because I’d already told him I couldnt afford it. He didnt even ask for one for his actual birthday this year, he’d asked for the other things I’d bought him, which is why I thought I’d done alright really.

This morning he was saying I should have just bought one decent thing rather than wasting money on stuff he didnt want. The lego was something he’d mentioned before and he played with it yesterday so I dont know if he genuinely didnt want any of it or if he’s just annoyed about the Switch.

I’m not expecting him to be over the moon with everything I buy him and I know he’s only 10, but I was quite hurt by it. I’d put money aside for weeks and tried to get him things he’d like. I cant just magic up the money for a Switch because someone at school has one.

His dad hasnt contributed to his presents this year either but thats a separate issue really and I wasnt expecting him to.

I dont want to make him feel bad for being disappointed but I also dont want him thinking birthdays are rubbish unless he gets something expensive. Am I expecting too much gratitude at 10? Would you have a word with him after school or just leave it?

I think you need to sit him down and explain birthdays are not about what you spend on presents but about the other things. At about 9/10, they start becoming materialistic no matter what you are like as a family ( I have a 9 year old DS so get it!) They compare with their friends but they are old enough to know that not everyone can have the most expensive or more recent consoles or technology. Or not everyone is allowed that even if parents can afford it.

There is a difference between being disappointed and being entitled and I think your DS is swaying towards entitled (though no fault of yours from what you say). Remind him of the small things that might have got lost on him in the moment - his favourite cake, choice for tea.
Likely he is disappointed he has to go and tell his mates he didn't get the switch 2 when they have one and is projecting that on you. We had similar from DS on this 9th birthday (about a switch 2 as well) although it was more of a passing comment than a moan or telling us it was a rubbish birthday. I just reminding him that he has xx console or xx thing that others might not have, and remember to be grateful for what you get not unhappy about what you didn't.

Tween boys are just moody anyway so don't take it to heart too much

Is he someone who would understand that one decent thing means one thing? My DD is a one decent thing person and she knows she gets less because of that but she genuinely prefers one decent thing.

On the other hand, what you bought him sounds great. He does need to learn to manage his expectations. You can't buy what you can't afford and even if he did get one thing it wouldn't be a Switch as it is over budget.

A Nintendo Switch 2 is around £420 and presumably you'd need to buy games and accessories to go with it. So feasible it could cost £500. That's a lot of money by anyone's standards. Even if he did get "one thing", it wouldn't be something that cost £500 in any event. You need to sit your son down and to talk to him calmly but firmly about money and how the world works. The sooner he learns the better. Maybe not today on his actual birthday though unless it all kicks off when he gets home.

For that sort of behaviour my dad would have given me an extra gift of a good hard slap.

At 10 he's old enough to realise that what he has said to you is very hurtful and unkind. It sounds like you gave him a lovely birthday with some very nice presents. I'd be having a serious chat with him.

😂🤣😅

Your father was abusive.

Ungrateful little toad! I’d be sitting him down and telling him how hurt his words have made you feel. Encourage him to save up for a Switch. Even a second had one.

At that age they understand the price of things and probably added 2+2 to get 7. Does he understand how much they cost? You can get second hand (CeX, FB Markeplace etc) in good condition from £100. New ones start at around £250 for the Neon. Maybe you could talk to him about expectations vs reality/cost and discuss whether he’d like one for Christmas (if in budget) but that it wouldn’t be brand new.

I think children don’t really understand (no matter how many times one might ‘sit them down’) adult finances. For a lot of children, they’ll have only recently stopped believing in Santa.

I remember being absolutely desperate for a horse at a similar age and no matter how many times it was explained to me it was impractical I came up with ten year old responses!

I think this is one of those things where least said soonest mended. Turning it into a battle of wills isn’t going to make him grateful, or hitting him (ffs) or lecturing him. He’s allowed to be disappointed, you’re allowed to hold the boundary.

Hmm, those gifts would be retracted, forthwith. I wouldn’t allow my son to speak to me like that. The disrespect is breathtaking.

And what does he think about his dad not contributing?
Does he get any blame, or is it just you?

What is it with all these selfish entitled kids and birthdays at the moment?

He's 10. He's being rude and entitled. I would be very clear that if he doesn't like the presents he can give anything unopened back to you so you can donate it in the Christmas charity toy appeal.

In future I'd ger the argos or the syths catalogue and tell him to mark what he wants and you will pick a few things in your price range.

My kids what a Nintendo switch 2 for Christmas. I've said absolutely not and dont ask again. They got a switch 2 years ago. I dont have that sort of money.

I’d be picking up the gifts he got and saying that his response has made it clear he doesn’t like them therefore they are going to the charity shop for a child who will be grateful. I’d also have a proper money conversation and explain that a Switch 2 is the equivalent of food for the family for a month. Just to give him some perspective! But he doesn’t get to pull that nonsense and have no reaction.

He might have a point though, although the way he said it was rude. You say he wanted a Switch but you also that he didn't ask for one and he knew that you couldn't afford it. So he may well have come to terms with not getting the Switch. Did you ask him what he would like for his birthday instead? Of course children need to learn to be grateful but that doesn't mean that he isn't allowed to feel disappointed - just as adults do. I think your gifts sound great but there might have been something else that he would have liked which might even have been cheaper that what you bought. Being disappointed at 10 y.o doesn't necessarily make him a brat.

At 10, he is far too old to be so deliberately nasty. I’m sure like most mums, you work your arse off for our kids, so it’s important he knows that this isn’t acceptable.
the poster above spoke about a good hard slap in days gone by, and whilst in today’s society we thankfully know that isn’t acceptable; there is definitely a balance to be had. Parents were abusive to kids in the past, but I’m 100% sure you didn’t get ten year olds behaving like this in the past. As a teacher, I can report that behaviour of many children is now at a level where you can’t teach anything. There is a balance to be had with how far we’ve gone with child centric atm and the abuse of the past. This must have been horrible for you and he needs to know that.

I'm so sorry you had that kind of childhood, I hope you have found someone who texted you better as an adult

you say Dad didn't contribute? does he know the present is just off you? is he lashing out at you cos he's disappointed in Dad?

I can see both sides, and you have mentioned he's spoken about things you'd got him, but it might have been brutal honesty rather than a sense of entitlement at that age.

I remember Christmas/birthdays when I was around that age and REALLY wanting one thing on a few occasions (one of the toys was £15 and I'd asked 3 years running), and never got it. Instead lots of small bits that I didn't want but wrapped up made it look like a lot - batteries always wrapped separately. The justification, I was repeatedly told was because I'd be disappointed with only one present. I really wouldn't have been.

Absolutely, plus if I had done that at the age of ten, my mum would have taken my presents away to give them to someone who appreciated them. And she would have been right.

Possibly time to sit him down and talk to him Bout money so he understands how earning money works and what things cost and how people have to budget. He is being rude.

I’d tell him he was a being an ungrateful little turd and at his age he needs to know his dad is not paying what he should

that’s not parental alienation - he’s old enough to understand the consequences of a parent not paying their way

Honestly at that sort of age my dc were much better at looking at the second hand prices of what they wanted and could (and did) say that they would like cash for birthday/Christmas and put it all together to get a second hand whatever.

110 is quite a lot of money and if he’d held onto it until Christmas and asked for cash towards his chosen item at Christmas then maybe he’d had enough for a second hand one.

but my dc (one in particular) really did take this approach very early and I do remember laughing one time because he wanted to buy something but didn’t have quite enough money and asked if he could get his tooth fairy money early just to have that last pound to get it.

i hadn’t realised he didn’t believe any more (he was about six) and I said yes and told him not to tell his sister!

My guess is that he's been asked by his mates what he had and they weren't impressed. Peer pressure is high at that age. It's still very rude and ungrateful of him though. Maybe tell him that, then leave it a few days to see if he apologises. If not, then suggest that,as his gifts are 'rubbish' you take them to the charity shop. I'd also make it absolutely plain that you can't afford some things and that his,dad doesn't contribute.