DS10 said his birthday was rubbish because I didn’t get him one decent present

[Dizevan]

DS turned 10 yesterday and this morning before school he told me his birthday was rubbish. Apparently I should have got him one good present instead of a load of things he didnt actually want.

I spent about £110 altogether which is a lot for me. I got him a football, a football shirt, a lego set he’d mentioned wanting and a couple of smaller bits. Got his favourite cake as well and let him choose what we had for tea. Nothing amazing but I thought it was a decent birthday and he’d seemed happy enough opening everything yesterday.

The thing is he wants a Switch 2. Has been going on about it for months because one of his friends got one for his birthday a few months ago. He knew he wasnt getting one though because I’d already told him I couldnt afford it. He didnt even ask for one for his actual birthday this year, he’d asked for the other things I’d bought him, which is why I thought I’d done alright really.

This morning he was saying I should have just bought one decent thing rather than wasting money on stuff he didnt want. The lego was something he’d mentioned before and he played with it yesterday so I dont know if he genuinely didnt want any of it or if he’s just annoyed about the Switch.

I’m not expecting him to be over the moon with everything I buy him and I know he’s only 10, but I was quite hurt by it. I’d put money aside for weeks and tried to get him things he’d like. I cant just magic up the money for a Switch because someone at school has one.

His dad hasnt contributed to his presents this year either but thats a separate issue really and I wasnt expecting him to.

I dont want to make him feel bad for being disappointed but I also dont want him thinking birthdays are rubbish unless he gets something expensive. Am I expecting too much gratitude at 10? Would you have a word with him after school or just leave it?

Maybe for Christmas you could give him some money towards a pre owned Switch, does he have relatives who may be able to get Cex gift vouchers so he could start saving for one? If he wants one big gift then he needs to learn to save for it and not get other gifts. It's a tough one, I agree.

your son is ungrateful, rude and entitled. i hope you can sort his behaviour out.

It doesn’t in any excuse his behaviour, which was rude and entitled, but at 10 it might be time to start asking him what he wants, rather than just guessing, getting it wrong and leaving him disappointed. Switch 2 is about £380 new, so will be less second hand. If he gets £110 for his birthday, the same at Christmas, saves some pocket money, maybe gets some money from GPs then it isn’t totally inconceivable for him to save up for it.

I was desperate for a certain toy when I was younger than ten and I do mean DESPERATE. I think I was trying manifesting before it was even a thing!

But my parents were completely honest with me that they would love to buy it for me but there was no way they could afford to. And whilst it was fine to ask for it every year it still wouldn't happen.

I can honestly say it didn't ruin my childhood or my life. I appreciated their honesty because I was never really disappointed when it didn't materialize. Although I will admit I do sometimes look them it on Vinted and wonder if I can justify buying it for myself 😄.

I can sort of see his point. Perhaps he’s at an age where money would be a good idea, and the idea of saving towards a switch. £110 would have made good inroads into the amount needed.

I’d tell him he was a being an ungrateful little turd and at his age he needs to know his dad is not paying what he should
that’s not parental alienation - he’s old enough to understand the consequences of a parent not paying their way

He is a young boy - not a turd. And he is far too young to be involved in the consequences of a parent not paying their way - from what the op says, she can't deal with it, why should a 10 year old be able to even understand it.

I’d bag it all up and take it to the charity shop to be honest. If he’s not greatful someone else will be. I remember being a bit disappointed at that age because my mum couldn’t afford to get me all the latest shit, but I would absolutely never have tried to make her feel bad about it.

Teach him a lesson and then if he’s really really good and learns to have a bit of gratefulness then perhaps consider getting him a second hand one for Christmas if you could afford that. Also, I would say he’s old enough to know his dad didn't contribute. My dad didn’t contribute for the first year after him and my mum split (he was drinking heavily and I doubt he even knew what month it was, let alone any of our birthdays) and knowing that made me kind of appreciate my mum more. Only you can decide if he’s mature enough/ old enough to know that, but if he is I would tell him.

I don't think it's an old enough product yet for one in reasonable condition to be significantly discounted on the second hand market.

OP might be able to buy preloved that's discounted to an extent but based on OP being able to afford around the £100 mark, any Switch 2 currently offered at that price is likely to be a scam unfortunately, especially in the run up to Christmas.

exactly my thoughts.

Sometimes as parents we can get it wrong with what our children want/need at their age/stage.

For example, I now ask my teen daughter to send me links to things on Vinted as if I try to choose clothing I think she’ll like, I’ll invariably get it wrong and she feels doubly bad having to say she doesn’t like it and that I’ve wasted money on it if she doesn’t wear it.

Same with parties, I set once off trying to plan a party I thought she’d love (around 13 I think), she gently told me she just wanted to go shopping and Nando’s with her friends instead.

I think explaining his words/behaviour were unkind/ungrateful is important, but maybe also chat about how you could do things differently in future, about him having more independence/being treated in a more grown up. This could mean givinghim money towards bigger items instead of gifts at Christmas, help with setting up/using a savings account, perhaps earning the money in some way, but also understanding how family finances work and that money doesn’t grow on trees.

I’m surprised anyone is defending this absurd level of entitlement.

A present is a present. He could have said maybe for Christmas can I have x or y, but he chose to put your efforts down instead.

No wonder we have so many young people with zero resilience.

It’s mixed.
My mum used to get me loads of little presents but not one present that I actually wanted ever.
Everything was also “just for now” and that I would get good trainers another time. It never materialised.
If you get him what he wants now and then then that’s fine but if you have never gotten him a main present then I agree with him.
My kids asked for an Xbox last year I said ok but it cost xyz, I won’t get you anything else. And they were happy enough.
I sold an old switch one and some games then combined the money I would’ve spent between them.

What was it? A Mr Frosty? Just buy it for yourself, and enjoy it - or think, I really didn’t miss anything there!

It’s because any form of discipline is seen as ‘abuse’ now so we have a generation of spoiled, rude, mannerless kids.

Source: I work with kids.

Interesting. I would never have dared to say that to my parents even if I felt it as I knew the consequences would be bad, I would annoy mum (not hard to do) and be called an ungrateful brat, get all my presents taken off me to give to a nicer child. I wouldn’t have been smacked I don’t think (although I was for other things) but I would have been shouted at and told what a horrible selfish child I was.
I don’t think this is right but it certainly ensured I never behaved like this or if I did I only did it once! And helping children to understand their behaviour can hurt others is important. I think possibly where my parents went wrong was expecting adult behaviour and understanding from a child. I think we know better now but even so that doesn’t excuse this kind of behaviour and we do need to try and ensure children don’t grow up to be selfish and entitled, with no regard for the feelings of others. It’s not easy though.

I did get what he asked for though, the lego was on his list and he asked for wireless headphones because his old ones weren’t working which I got him as well. They werent the exact brand he wanted but they do exactly the same thing and I honestly didnt think that would matter that much. The football shirt was for the team he supports but it was also last seasons third shirt which he also wasn’t happy about but that was £42 itself

Oh no way it could be had for £100. That would 100% be a scam. I was thinking £110x2 for birthday and xmas. Then maybe add some of his savings, pocket money, if other relatives that usually give presents would be ok to do money. He might be able to get to £300 by after Christmas and perhaps a second hand one could be found for around that sort of price, if new is currently £380, that sounds realistic enough?? Or it might not be what he wants. But I think 10 is old enough to have the choice and be allowed to save for something if that’s what he really wants.

Ignore the chorus of voices telling you that you've raised a rude ungrateful toad who needs a good slap/ to have his presents donated to charity/ to be told some hard truths about his dad. Just ignore them, I don't know where they all come from but they love a thread like this.

@Dizevan - he is 10. He wanted or expected something that he didn't get. That's life, it's not a huge deal and you don't need to make it so. I'd just tell him that you can't afford a switch, he got lovely presents and needs to express gratitude because that is the nice thing to do. If he wants a switch that badly he can ask for money for Christmas and future birthdays and eventually he'll get one, but it's not nice to tell someone you don't like the presents they worked for. And then just leave it there. He's a kid, this is nobody's moral failing, he's fine

This my first thought. Im sure he loved his presents but its hard when your mates are taking the piss

This is the correct response.

There's a lot of older people with old fashioned views on MN who would have you send him to bed without any supper for a month for daring to tell you how he feels. Please ignore those people.

I would tell him you understand he's disappointed and that you're pleased he told you and that you understand it's hard when you don't get something you really want. But then also explain to him that things cost money and some things are not realistic for everyone. He can be disappointed but he needs to learn to express that in a more thoughtful way.

Did his dad acknowledge his birthday ?? If not he might be taking his anger and disappointment out on you.

I wouldn't be getting him a Switch after that behaviour but if he wants to save for one with any money he gets for Christmas etc the Switch lite is a lot cheaper and plays exactly the same games.

When did children start feeling it was acceptable to complain about presents,if he is just going to complain what is the point of getting him anything?

I can't believe the language some people are using about a young boy.

This is a nice problem to have. Since they're all 'rubbish', I'll collect them all back and give them to someone who will appreciate them. He already knew he wasnt getting the switch 2, he needs to learn he can't just get something because somebody else has one.

He gives you the gratitude he is capable of. You don’t demand more or decide he is this and that as if he’s fully developed his personality already… You consistently teach him to feel more grateful, to notice and appreciate more through your parenting.