DS10 said his birthday was rubbish because I didn’t get him one decent present

[Dizevan]

DS turned 10 yesterday and this morning before school he told me his birthday was rubbish. Apparently I should have got him one good present instead of a load of things he didnt actually want.

I spent about £110 altogether which is a lot for me. I got him a football, a football shirt, a lego set he’d mentioned wanting and a couple of smaller bits. Got his favourite cake as well and let him choose what we had for tea. Nothing amazing but I thought it was a decent birthday and he’d seemed happy enough opening everything yesterday.

The thing is he wants a Switch 2. Has been going on about it for months because one of his friends got one for his birthday a few months ago. He knew he wasnt getting one though because I’d already told him I couldnt afford it. He didnt even ask for one for his actual birthday this year, he’d asked for the other things I’d bought him, which is why I thought I’d done alright really.

This morning he was saying I should have just bought one decent thing rather than wasting money on stuff he didnt want. The lego was something he’d mentioned before and he played with it yesterday so I dont know if he genuinely didnt want any of it or if he’s just annoyed about the Switch.

I’m not expecting him to be over the moon with everything I buy him and I know he’s only 10, but I was quite hurt by it. I’d put money aside for weeks and tried to get him things he’d like. I cant just magic up the money for a Switch because someone at school has one.

His dad hasnt contributed to his presents this year either but thats a separate issue really and I wasnt expecting him to.

I dont want to make him feel bad for being disappointed but I also dont want him thinking birthdays are rubbish unless he gets something expensive. Am I expecting too much gratitude at 10? Would you have a word with him after school or just leave it?

He is 10 and if you are a single mother I would rein this behaviour in now. He is looking to dominate you in a way. I have seen so many boys do this in single mother headed houses. I would sit him down and explain how much effort you put it, how different perhaps your own childhood was, and how a switch is just too expensive for your family at this time. He won't like it. But don't back down. Demand respect and don't let him try and be the boss in the household.

There is a current thread on AIBU now about a woman upset about receiving reduced cut flowers when her husband knows she doesn't like them and paid for from the joint account. Lots of women on that thread are up in arms that he should have done such a thing! The fact the flowers were only £2.75 doesn't seem to matter and people think he should have known her better to have bought something else.
Money isn't the only factor it seems when it comes to adults and women, yet a disappointed child can be criticised!

The criticism of this wee boy has been horrible.
Mum was naturally already upset and now her son has been called all sorts of horrible names. That's hardly going to have helped anybody.

I've just read that other thread what an ungrateful sod. OK they were £5,50 paid from joint account, but it was a kind gesture, just because. And the £2.75 is because technically she paid half.

I absolutely feel for this mum on here she thought she was doing well making her money stretch a bit further. And I get it she got a ball, something to play with ie Lego and the top to wear, and new headphones.
But missed the mark with the top. Lots of people are focusing on the Switch2 which the kid knew wasn't happening.

If a kid asks for a Man U top or a Barsca top my assumption is they are looking for the current first choice / home top.

Yes obviously. So that's not just getting the latest first team strip

I 100% think thats where Op has gone wrong she's bought last seasons 3rd strip on sale.

Hes wanted this seasons 1st strip. Possibly and element of she's got away with buying a previous seasons top before, but 1st tops never change that much, the main colours stay the same.

When my DC were young I told them how much I could afford to spend and they had to choose a present or presents within that budget.
Sometimes grandparents would chip in (a small amount) if there was something too expensive they particularly wanted.

They knew that presents such as a Switch would be way too expensive and although they probably had a moan they knew it was out of the question and accepted it.

Is your DC mature enough for this type of conversation?

Read the thread
He knew the Switch2 wasn't happening.

He asked for his teams football top, didn't specifically ask for this seasons first choice top, but thats what he meant.
Op picked up last seasons 3rd strip top at a discounted price.
Hence the mammoth disappointment.

I think she's possibly got away with discounted previous season tops before but hes getting older, not as easily fooled.

People forget adult have discreet ways of dealing with unwanted/ not quite right gifts. Kids don't

Well he should've said so then. My DS managed to say so when he wanted an away shirt

@Timeforachange26
How old is your son ?

He was about 11 when wanted that shirt. Why?

I was taken to see it in the shop enough times

The op’s son was 9 going on 10. Maybe he he had no idea of how to tell his mum which shirt to get.

Well a picture of it would be easy enough. My 8 year old dgs is able to tell and show me things he likes

OP clearly said she couldn’t see the difference between last years 3rd kit and this years first kit so maybe he did show her but she just decided it didn’t matter

If mum wasn't sure she should have clarified. You can't put the onus on a 9/10yo to clairfy exactly what he wanted.

I imagine the conversation went something like this
Mum can I get the Barca top for birthday ?
Yes son.

The assumption is the current main strip, not last years 3rd number.
3rd strips are a fairly new invention, mainly to make money, sell more strips, and quite often they are more fashionable colours, nicer for the pub.

I get it, money is tight, she hasn't clarified and gone for one thats discounted.
Giving her the benefit of doubt she maybe she has never followed any football or rugby or grew up with people who do follow football.

Home kits rarely change colours, Arsenal, Liverpool both red, Newcastle stripes, England white, Scotland blue.

Away strips and 3rd strips can be a bit more chargeable.
Its just nuts and so many people have been horrible about the poor kid.

@Newname26There’s no need to be so rude to people who are only trying to offer constructive solutions.
As others have said a child of that age is perfectly able to say exactly what they want which is why I suggested he make a proper list in line with the OP’s budget.

@Newname26 if you read the OP you will see that the OP suspects the ds is fed up he didn’t receive a Switch, irregardless of previous conversations.

Perhaps he was hopeful that one would turn up anyway - see A Christmas Story film and the air rifle…

Anyway, the ds should not have been rude and hurtful, and needs telling this. No one wants to disappoint their dcs, but any emotional blackmail needs to be nipped in the bud before full teenagerdom sets in. That being said, for Christmas the ds needs to provide a specific list so OP doesn’t make any shirt blunders again.

Ah I think it’s the headset thing then, he likely resigned himself to not getting the switch 2 but looked forward to getting his new headset. But you decided getting him the ones he wanted didn’t really matter to you but probably meant a lot to him .