DS10 said his birthday was rubbish because I didn’t get him one decent present

[Dizevan]

DS turned 10 yesterday and this morning before school he told me his birthday was rubbish. Apparently I should have got him one good present instead of a load of things he didnt actually want.

I spent about £110 altogether which is a lot for me. I got him a football, a football shirt, a lego set he’d mentioned wanting and a couple of smaller bits. Got his favourite cake as well and let him choose what we had for tea. Nothing amazing but I thought it was a decent birthday and he’d seemed happy enough opening everything yesterday.

The thing is he wants a Switch 2. Has been going on about it for months because one of his friends got one for his birthday a few months ago. He knew he wasnt getting one though because I’d already told him I couldnt afford it. He didnt even ask for one for his actual birthday this year, he’d asked for the other things I’d bought him, which is why I thought I’d done alright really.

This morning he was saying I should have just bought one decent thing rather than wasting money on stuff he didnt want. The lego was something he’d mentioned before and he played with it yesterday so I dont know if he genuinely didnt want any of it or if he’s just annoyed about the Switch.

I’m not expecting him to be over the moon with everything I buy him and I know he’s only 10, but I was quite hurt by it. I’d put money aside for weeks and tried to get him things he’d like. I cant just magic up the money for a Switch because someone at school has one.

His dad hasnt contributed to his presents this year either but thats a separate issue really and I wasnt expecting him to.

I dont want to make him feel bad for being disappointed but I also dont want him thinking birthdays are rubbish unless he gets something expensive. Am I expecting too much gratitude at 10? Would you have a word with him after school or just leave it?

Maybe a voucher for 100 then another for Christmas and ask friends and family to do the same .Then he would have his switch in the new year?

He is not closer to what he wants so I do understand his frustration.

He is allowed to express his feelings but that does not mean that he can get his own way all the time. I think if he keeps going on like this I’d sit him down and explain that if he wants the Switch then he will need to start saving for it himself. Does he get pocket money? Perhaps he could do some jobs for you to earn some money over the course of 6-12 months. It could be a joint effort to get him to truly appreciate what things cost and hopefully make him treasure/appreciate it more because he’s had to do some work for it.

I'd ask of he wanted you to send the items back. The shirt, the headphones, both should be salvageable.

Let him know you have been hurt. It's OK to let kids know when they act badly.

In future give him £50 and he can save up for what he wants.

I had a similar experience at his age, when everyone in my friendship group was getting an iPod for Christmas (and I mean literally everyone other than me). I got a little cheap mp3 player, which did exactly the same thing, and cost my parents more than they should really have paid for a Christmas present on their budget, but I got the piss ripped out of me over it. Relentlessly. It's so horrible being set apart from your friends - it seems like much a bigger deal than it really is.

I made a similar comment to my mum about why couldn't I just have got the iPod instead of the other smaller presents - but realistically it wouldn't have covered anywhere near the cost. Kids don't have the same grasp on money and affordability. It's probably one of the first times he's had to learn the lesson that, actually, we can't have everything we want in life, and some things need to be really saved up for or worked hard for.

The fact that this is the first time he's had to have this disappointment speaks volumes of how hard you've worked as a parent to give him everything he wants and needs - but this is also an important gift to give. The lesson is important. Even if it feels bad to him now.

I would have chatted to him before hand about the switch, and looked into feasible second hand options and asked if he wanted to put his birthday and Christmas money together combined to see if sonething could be done with that?

If still not possible, then sadly we learn the disappointment. Yes he spoke to you rudely, but ultimately he is learning that we cannot always have what we want, even as adults, and that is a life lesson that needs to be learnt.

Sorry my kids would have been disappointed with getting last seasons third kit for their birthday present.
They would also have been disappointed in not getting the specific branded headphones they wanted.
I understand budget restraints but he is getting to the age where you can’t just fob them off with cheap items which are vaguely similar.
Brands matter, as much as you don’t want them to, they do. My kids have never been brought up with brands. We shop at Aldi. My clothes are primark. But my kids now want the branded stuff and the similar replica things aren’t good enough.
Im sorry your son is upset with you. It’s hard for you and for him

You’d better address this firmly and not emotionally. He’s spoilt and ungrateful and you’re setting him up for a lifetime of entitlement. You should not allow him speak with you like that otherwise it will only get worse. You are not the adult. The parent. You are a single parent and he does not even appreciate what you have done. What a shame. Gather up all the gifts and return or sell off on Vinted. No gifts for him this year.

@Dizevan , I was that kid. I'd get presents for Christmas and my birthday and that was my lot.
Often, even if I wanted something specific, my parents would get me something similar but that they thought was better. That meant I got something I didn't want.

My birthday comes shortly after Christmas. My mother made sure I had 'something to open'. It was usually something hideous to wear. She meant well and I'd wear it once or twice only.
She meant well but I didn't want to open something to be disappointed. I'd have been delighted with money to buy something I wanted.

You did what you thought best and he'll realise one day. You sound a lovely and caring mother.
He's not too young for an age-appropriate chat about money and being gracious.

I’d sit him down and go through the cost of everything. Then I’d let him know how many hours I’d had to work to pay for that bunch of presents.

At 10, he’s old enough to learn the cost of things and learn he can’t have everything he wants.

If he continues with his brattish attitude, I’d be having a very serious conversation about entitlement and it’s not being rewarded in future.

He’s an ungrateful little brat and it needs spelling out to him that his behaviour and attitude are not acceptable or pleasant and if he carries on like this he can forget Xmas presents too!

He's old enough to be grateful for what he does get rather than sulking over what he didn't get. I bet his dad isn't getting the disrespect that you're getting from him either despite not even getting him anything at all

There's two ways of looking at it. 1 he us incedibly disappointed that he didnt get a switch or 2, he is on becoming entitled and spoilt.

If I knew he really wanted a a Switch and couldn't afford it I would have looked at a refurbished one. If that didnt suit him , then tough.

I do think a good hard word is needed about his attitude though.

And where do we find this magical money tree? 🙄🙄

He’s an ungrateful little brat

No he's not. For my 40th birthday I got the exact brand of headphones I wanted. They were £150 and therefore the only gift from my parents. It isn't wrong, spoilt or ungrateful to want one specific item rather lots of cheaper items.

He's not a brat. That's a horrible way to talk about a child you don't even know. He's 10 and his friendship circles are starting to become more and more important and as part of this brands and image matter. This is a completely normal developmental stage and actually is hugely influential in shaping the adult they become. It doesn't mean he gets whatever he wants whenever he wants. However resolving this conflict starts with understanding what his needs and feelings are right now not just labelling him a 'brat' FFS

At age 10 a child is able to appreciate that they can’t have everything they want. I think OP’s son was extremely hurtful and ungrateful, when she had done her very best to get him presents that he liked.What you are describing is the attitude of an ungrateful, spoilt brat !

You actually didn't get him anything he asked for, you didn't get the headphones he wanted or the football shirt. You got cheaper versions of it all.
Its not about you and what you think, it was about him on his birthday.
If you cant afford the switch then you could of at least got him what he asked for and not the knock off versions.

Nothing worse then getting some home bargain headphones when you wanted sony and someone pretending its the same thing when its not.

but she could of just got him one thing he actually wanted? instead she got cheap imitations of what he wanted and therefor he ended up with nothing he wanted.

If I ask my husband for a mulberry bag for my birthday and he buys one from asda because it does the same thing then I wouldn't be happy either and its not called being ungrateful.

Of course. But he didn’t get anything he wanted. Maybe he would have been thrilled to get this seasons shirt. Or the headphones he had asked for. My kids would be happy with one item off their list rather than 4 replica items.
Why should he be grateful for getting things he doesn’t want? Because we’re conditioned to just say thank you then throw the gift in the bin when it’s unwanted. But kids don’t get that option with their parents

"I can see both sides, and you have mentioned he's spoken about things you'd got him, but it might have been brutal honesty rather than a sense of entitlement at that age."

Children at 10 are capable of getting a point across without being unkind. "brutal honesty" is merely a cover for being rude and unkind. I'm sorry you are still carrying those painful memories from your childhood.

My comment was measured and fair. And was genuine advice, as I’m a single mum to 2 teen boys so I understand financial strain.

Your reply was petulant. I can see where he is leaning his attitude and also see why he cannot speak to you productively about this.

You have a boy who will soon be a teen. They are expensive. You need to find a way to manage this, and to make the best choice with the budget you have so he gets something he wants and not just the cheapest version every time.

Does he have any other consoles he could trade in at cex to put towards the cost of a switch 2 for Christmas? My son wanted a 2ds XL so we could mod it earlier this year, so he traded in his old Switch lite, Logitech console, and some games and then I put a few months pocket money and he had enough. the switch 2 second hand is 370 for unboxed at cex. If you have old games, phones, tablets you can do a large trade in & get it as a voucher.

edited as was a duplicate post.