Would you take a neighbour's child to school every day?

[MintyElephant]

A neighbour, who I don’t talk too, other than the odd hello if we see each other, asked me if I could take her child to and from school every day as she’s struggling too because of her work - her child goes to same school as mine. She’s effectively asking a stranger to chaffeur her child around, what is everyone’s thoughts on this? Yes I’m going there anyway, I can’t do everyday as I don’t do everyday anyway. What would you say if someone you didn’t actually know ask you this? Would you do it?

did she offer you petrol money?

this is how I used to get to school and it was a lifeline, and I was also glad to know another kid in my village.

She did offer to pay me however I don’t feel she has too as I’m not going out of my way (if I agree to it)

Depends how old the child is, what she’s offering in return and whether she understands that when your child is ill you won’t take hers in.

My neighbours used to take me to school while my mum was still learning to drive in return for my mum babysitting. Then in secondary a woman down the road took us to school on her way to work while my mum picked us and her daughter up after school because the lady worked full time.

These arrangements worked well.

No she needs to make her own arrangements. Childminders or breakfast clubs. Its not as if she is a friend.

Just say you won’t be able to do it every day, but will let her know the days you can (if you want to).

My friend’s dad used to pick me up on the way to school regularly, it was much appreciated!

I'd do it if I were going anyway.

You are middle class from the south east of England, yes? I really hated this attitude when I lived there. No one would help anyone, it was sh*t with no community.

Yes I did think this, I think committing is difficult as there may be times like you said my daughter is ill and then I leave her with not being able to take her child in. I’ve never met him and he’s a lot older than her so I don’t think they’d talk or become friends. I’m also worrying about how my daughter would feel about it as I think she won’t like it, I also will also have my other child with me who doesn’t go to school. I also worry if they are late and make me late - I still have to get to work after drop offs!

Do the children know each other/get on?

Will they be ready on time or delay you?

Do you ever do things on the way?

I have got into these situations before but my dc have often not liked it and it frequently meant I had to adapt my behaviours .

I would say maybe sometimes not commit to every day

No they have never met and her child is much older! Yep had all them thoughts too!

Everyday, no. On rare occasion to help out in a pinch, yes.

I wouldn’t have done it as I used that time to talk to my own children. My children would have hated it. As a one off in an emergency, fine, as a regular thing, no. A friend of mine used to pay a childminder to just walk her child home from school each day.

I used to do it with my neighbour’s child as I was going anyway. It really is a personal decision though. There isn’t a right or wrong.

No I wouldn't, especially if it's so they can work. I'm not facilitating someone else making money for nothing. I might be happy to do it once in an emergency or if mum was unwell...but I'm not a free childcare provider.

No.
Not unless you want to become a paid childminder.

This site is full of stories of people trying to get out of these situations, and it can be especially awkward with someone who is a close neighbour.

Maybe the children don't get on.
Maybe the other child doesn't do what they are told.
Maybe the neighbour's child is late.
Maybe your child is ill and you decide last minute you're not going to do that day after all.

The time when you are travelling to school with young children can be an important opportunity for you to focus on your own child and to discuss any concerns that they have and just for general bonding. Adding another child in the mix is of no benefit at all to your child, it can cause stress and mornings can be difficult enough already.

And a pp is correct. We live in a capitalist society where workers exchange their time for money. You have arranged your life to be available for school drop offs. She hasn't, she is earning during that time. Therefore she can pay someone to look after her child.

Honestly, that’s not an issue, since if he isn’t ready to be picked up you will simply not wait. this can be made clear in advance.

Maybe you could do it on a trial basis - ie let’s try this half term, see how we go and then review? I would take the payment as it makes it easier to stop if more of a business arrangement. If the boy is older it’ll be easier since older children just get in and out of cars, it will be much easier than with younger ones…

Ah, no community. A cheeky fuckers answer to everything.

What happens if your child is unwell one day and off sick. I'd bet she'd still expect you to take her child in!

Don't overthink this. Just say no this won't be possible

Yes you are right! I have to think of my old child and I most certainly no she will not like it, we often sit in the car as well for a bit before going in, singing, pretending to drive the car, so it will be a bit awkward with the child there as again, we don’t know him!

No I wouldn’t commit to it. I’d help if I could in an emergency.

It depends on the situation. I did it every day for a neighbour, but she collected every day so it balanced up.

I currently have a neighbour drop their child off every morning and I keep an eye on their child for 15 mins and then watch them go in the gate (school gate is literally opposite my gate). They collect my DS from cubs each week when they drop their elder child off for Scouts.

In the circumstance you describe, no, I would not.

Personally I’d say ok if you’re going, so not if your child is unwell / not going in for whatever reason, but on a let’s see how it goes basis. I’d want at least £10 a week for a decent bottle of wine … well earned 🤣
I wouldn’t if it meant the child can round early, just on the doorstep at X time and if late then they’d need to make their own way

No I wouldn’t, if they were friends it would be different, or the mum was an actual friend.

I don’t think you can agree to be responsible for a boy you’ve never even met.

If it was just for a week or the odd day in an emergency that would be different.

It’s not really fair for your DD to have this imposed on her morning routine. Just say that you and DD really value the time together and you don’t want to disrupt her routine.

Many of us sacrifice work hours to be able to take our children to school. It’s a very odd one tbh. A big ask from a stranger.