Would you take a neighbour's child to school every day?

[MintyElephant]

A neighbour, who I don’t talk too, other than the odd hello if we see each other, asked me if I could take her child to and from school every day as she’s struggling too because of her work - her child goes to same school as mine. She’s effectively asking a stranger to chaffeur her child around, what is everyone’s thoughts on this? Yes I’m going there anyway, I can’t do everyday as I don’t do everyday anyway. What would you say if someone you didn’t actually know ask you this? Would you do it?

It will be easier to say an uncomfortable sorry that doesn’t suit me now than feeling resentful later when you regret agreeing to it. My daughter agreed to drive a neighbour’s child to and from school along with her own 2 to help out. 1-2 days a week depending on my daughter and Sil’s shifts I did the school runs .

It went smoothly on the days the boy was punctual. But punctuality wasn’t their strong point and the mornings he wasn’t ready to leave became more frequent. It really started to piss me off. His mum was in the house and sometimes came to the door and said they’d just wakened and to go ahead and she’d take him in a cab. Her own job didn’t start till 9.30am and it seriously pissed me off that she couldn’t have her child ready to step out when we pulled up at the door instead of waiting for one of my grandchildren to get out of the car and knock the door.

My advice? Don’t agree to it!

Another thought: does she or her husband (if she’s got a partner) have anything in kind they can offer you? Eg if they’re a cleaner, or tradesman of some kind? It’s useful to bank favours with people like this sometimes.

As you don’t know her or her child, I wouldn’t start this. It’s up to her and potentially, the child’s father to sort it out. Just like we all have/had to do!
Out of interest, how old is your child and how old is the neighbour’s child?

How old are both kids? How far is it to school?

I’m childfree so question doesn’t apply to me, but it’s a huge ask of you.

Nope

i do always make decisions far too quickly without thinking about any implications (a bad trait I know) and then when I tell someone else they ask me why on earth I would do that/agree to it and give me insights on to my decision! So I very much need opinions

Don't do it.
Say that your child is anxious in the morning and she needs to be able to talk to you in private.
I have helped different mums temporarily but I would never commit to a longterm obligation. You will regret it if you do. And it's not fair on your child.

I’ve offered to do this for my neighbour (she’d never dream of asking!) but for context: 1. She’s a good friend and my son’s godmother 2. Her older son was accepted to Junior House at LOS and she nearly turned down the offer because of the logistics of doing two school runs from Chelsea to Fulham before work. I wasn’t going to let that get in the way of a good opportunity for her older son. Besides her younger son’s school is only a short walk from my son’s school.

I would not do it for a child or parent I didn’t know well.

My child is 6 and hers I don’t even know, 9 or 10!

I would say no in the circumstances you've described. If you feel you need to give a reason, you could say what you've said here - you changed your working hours so you could take her and that its important time for you and your daughter to connect. But you don't have to give a reason 'i'm sorry, i won't be able to' is also ok!

She didn’t say and I dont believe so! They both work in London so assuming office jobs

It's a big ask, to want you to do it every day. However, if she's the type to help you out when you need it, then I would try to help when you can.
My neighbours have been a godsend at times while trying to juggle work, sickness, cancelled school buses etc. and I try to reciprocate when I can.

Honestly no I wouldn’t. I used to enjoy the chance to talk and listen to the radio with my kids and adding someone else in to the mix would make it more difficult to have those conversations.

I would just say that sorry no, you use that time for alone time with your dc. It is not your problem if she needs someone to take her dc to school. As a one off I would do it, but not a daily thing.

I would say no, there are so many reasons not to - you don't know each other, the children don't know each other and are of different ages, even if you agreed you are available for less than half of what she wants, and other than petrol money which you feel uncomfortable about taking she is not offering anything back.
She may well be desperate and not a CF, however my car time with my children was precious as yours obviously is. This would be a lose/lose situation for you. All the stress when you do it and also stress when you don't because for sure there won't be too many people offering.
This would be a "no good deed goes unpunished" situation.
Say no.

Given such a big age gap I’d be suspicious that she’s already used up a lot of favours from parents in her son’s year group and those bridges are burnt. It would be much more natural to share lifts with somebody from his year group who lives nearby. But maybe she’s done that in previous years and has pissed them all off by being late/never returning favours etc!

No definitely not. I’d do the odd favour but certainly not regularly. My DC wouldn’t have liked that at all. The journey to & from school is a really precious time I think where you can really engage with your DC.

Your children wouldn’t like it, there’s all you need for your answer. Just say no, sorry, it doesn’t work for me

@MintyElephant
No you don't really know the woman or her offspring and what if anything "left field" happened on the journey either way, you'd become liable then wouldn't you? and
Do you really want the responsibility of someone else's unknown quantity of a child?

I would only offer if it was for a limited time and a specific reason. Eg post operative period/chemo/seizures and can’t drive for 6 months.

A general “so I can get to work” should have planned, paid care… unless there is a reciprocal and equal value benefit.

So he has only just joined the school this year, it’s also a school that doesn’t go by catchment area so whilst yes there are families who live nearby there are also families from all over the place so I guess her thought was me who lives on her road

I would say yes, going anyway what's the problem. But I grew up in a village and people helped each other.

I'd say yes - just set boundaries so it doesn't spill into you doing any additional childcare.

Ah that makes more sense. I still wouldn’t do it though! Help out in an emergency, or temporarily while she sorts something out, but not as a regular long-term arrangement.

Yes, I’d do it but as others have said, you’d need to state your terms - you leave at X time and he needs to be waiting by the car, ready to leave. And no, you can’t take him in if your child is sick.

I think it’s a nice thing to do.