Would you take a neighbour's child to school every day?

[MintyElephant]

A neighbour, who I don’t talk too, other than the odd hello if we see each other, asked me if I could take her child to and from school every day as she’s struggling too because of her work - her child goes to same school as mine. She’s effectively asking a stranger to chaffeur her child around, what is everyone’s thoughts on this? Yes I’m going there anyway, I can’t do everyday as I don’t do everyday anyway. What would you say if someone you didn’t actually know ask you this? Would you do it?

Maybe one day a week but not every day esp if much older than your dc

a bit cheeky asking you as not friendly and kids diff years

I adjusted my hours to ensure the school run. Sounds like the wants to have her cake and eat it! I had a neighbour ask me for a similar favour. Her daughter was a bit older than mine. It really affected the atmosphere in the car as my children stopped talking to me! My eldest said she was sad that x came as we couldn’t be our funny selves. I thought that was sad and wished I hadn’t accepted. Luckily the neighbour got upset as I hadn’t walked her daughter all the way to her door (which was 2 doors away) and knocked?! I watched her go to her door, knock and got let in! So that naturally ended it for me. I would personally text to say that you’re not able to help as you already have a lot on your plate before and after school. She’d be best finding a child minder for drop off, collection and minding at her house.

When i was at primary older children always walked the younger ones to school, it was just what communities did. Is there a reason you really can't help out ? I can see no reason to not take him on the days you are going anyway. Refuse any kind of payment then you won't feel obliged.

Yes I would if I was going anyway.

No. Because you then run the risk of their lateness causing your child’s lateness etc.

It would depend for me on how the child gets on with my own and how they felt about it, how well-behaved they are, whether there was any inconvenience basically, and the reasons for asking. You could trial it and see how it goes if you aren't sure.

Lots of kids on our street went to the same school. Most I'd be happy to have them walk up with us but the odd one or two others - most definitely not.

I wouldn’t, what if one day your child was ill and her child needs to go to school ?. I think sometime when you try to be nice you end up being the bad guy when ecxpectations go up

I did this with a child who lived a few doors away from me when our daughters were in Reception. I made it very clear at the start that I would be leaving for school at a certain time each day and that if she was late dropping her daughter off, I wasn’t prepared to wait and make my daughter late. Apart from that, taking the other girl to school didn’t impact me at all ss i was taking my daughter every day anyway.

You have their phone number and text them as soon as you can.

No, I wouldn't. Your child has never met their child, who is much older? Nope. Not every day.

A definite no for me. Your kids come first and I’d use the time to talk to them, or just BE with them. They’re about to be with other people all day

i think that people that do for help are doing so because they have run out of feasible options.

do you think they really want a stranger to care for their kid or are they grappling for a way to solve a difficult situation?

if my kid was in consistent good health and i delivered them to school reliably i would agree to a trial.
but id be clear that if the arrangement became difficult for me that they would need to find a different solution if i told you i couldn’t do it. for whatever reason.

Well yes. On the days I’m going of course I would. But clear understanding that days I’m not, she makes her own plans. And occasional helps me out

why are you even asking?

I'd want to get to know someone and their child before taking them alone. The child might have additional needs, allergies etc and while you'd think a parent should tell you, someone who asks you to take them in this situation might not. I'm happy to babysit/take friends' kids if there's space, because I know them, and they know me and my kids and are happy with them.

I'd definitely say no. Your children aren't friends, you hardly know this woman, you aren't a registered childminder and it will completely change the dynamic of the car journey to school, particulaly because there is a pretty large age gap between the two children.

What if your children don't get on or your child wakes up poorly and you have to cancel giving her child a lift? She might react really badly and blame you, even though you were doing her a favour.

I know you have already decided it’s a no, but I just wonder if you say both parents work in London, presumably they would both need to leave earlier than say 8.30 which is a typical school run time?? So would the favour of taking to school then extend to having him for an hour before school too??!!

please update what she says when she texts? I’d love to know the extent of her CFery!!!

Nope. Too many variables to commit to something like that. It would end up a bind with a sense of obligation when I want to be a free agent.
I wouldn't agree to being the daily school transport for anyone.

I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to have to consider someone else first thing as sometimes I'm running late, early. Want to be quiet, have a chat in the car. It's time for your daughter to get her head into school mode. I don't want a stranger sitting in my personal space. Could make it awkward for your daughter when she sees him in school. He's not your problem, you don't drive a school bus ( presumably) I want to be able to leave whenever I want without thinking about the neighbours kids whose hovering outside waiting for a lift. Or if my child is ill, I've got a day off, etc etc.

I would say no sorry time in the car with your daughter is precious and mornings are already stressful. Or similar.

My parents were both working while I was in secondary school, and they used to pay one of our neighbours (we didn’t really talk to her that much either to be honest) who’s daughter was in the same year as me, for the school runs. So I mean if they’re asking you as a neighbour, surely they trust you enough to let you do so?

What a CF. Just say no, it doesn’t work for you. Don’t be drawn into explaining why - you’ve thought it through and that’s your decision. She’ll soon move on to the next potential victim.

Bloody hell, absolutely not. The nerve of asking an acquaintance to basically be an unpaid taxi twice a day is completely unreal.
The school run is stressful enough without taking on the responsibility of getting someone else’s child there on time. The very first morning that child cannot find their shoes or is running late, you are stuck in an awful position: do you wait and make your own child late, or drive off and cause a massive fallout with a neighbour?
Committing to the afternoons traps you completely, too. You cannot run errands after drop-off, book appointments, or let your own child do an after-school playdate without having to plan around their kid. And what happens if your child is off sick with a bug? Are you expected to drag a sick child out in the car just to drive the neighbour's?
Do not feel guilty for saying no, and do not offer to do the odd day as a compromise. Just tell her straight that your schedule is far too unpredictable and your mornings are already too chaotic for you to take on driving anyone else. She needs to look into breakfast clubs, after-school care, or an actual childminder like everyone else.

Well we are not unhelpful, we just recognise a CF when we see one or put our own children first. Most people do not ask people they don’t know for favours. I used to love talking to my children on the school run. It is about the only time that some older children have a proper conversation with their parents. Op, I don’t think this is going to work out. What does your child think about it? Will they become quiet and embarrassed in the car? This will obviously take you longer when the other child is not ready. Can your neighbour do anything for you in return? Someone up thread mentioned babysitting. I would say no.

I wouldn't, do you want to do this ? How will your child feel about it ? You and your child's feelings are your priority, not some neighbour you barely know. If you don't want to do it say no.

No, she's expecting too much.
Assuming primary school age it won't be a case of simply dropping her child off.
You will presumably have to supervise in the playground before school?
Too much responsibility for you with a child you are not familiar with.
It's not fair on your own children either.
I'm surprised she even asked you to be honest.

I'm wondering why her child is at a school it seems impossible for his family to get him to.