Would you take a neighbour's child to school every day?

[MintyElephant]

A neighbour, who I don’t talk too, other than the odd hello if we see each other, asked me if I could take her child to and from school every day as she’s struggling too because of her work - her child goes to same school as mine. She’s effectively asking a stranger to chaffeur her child around, what is everyone’s thoughts on this? Yes I’m going there anyway, I can’t do everyday as I don’t do everyday anyway. What would you say if someone you didn’t actually know ask you this? Would you do it?

Yes it is! I adjusted my hours at work so I was able to take my daughter to school everyday apart from one day where my sister does.

You should accept the money to make the arrangement more formal and also agree a kind of contract, eg that her child has to be on time both directions and the arrangement will stop any time you find it inconvenient. And what about when your child is off school etc.

Don’t start this. You’ll end up with an entitled neighbour having a go at you when your child is sick, still demanding you take their child.
these arrangements never work out well!!

What on earth?! That's a massive leap, unless you lived in every single community in the south east and knew every middle class parent 😂

Multiple posts on this

Don't do it. Kindness and and odd lift is grand. But not regular.

I wouldn't, if your child was ill the night before you'll end up with the hassle of contacting her to let her know etc. Same goes for any change to your plan e.g early appointment, wanting to pop to shops, if Dad/Granny/your friend is helping you out one day etc.

It will also change the vibe between you and your child being able to chit chat etc.

You'll get all the glory hunting MN replies suggesting you are wrong but ignore that, it isn't them having to do it!

Do it if you need the money or if you think you and your kids will enjoy it. If not say no. This is not your responsibility.

I really don’t feel I have to accept money, she also asked if I could drop him home too but that is something I definitely can’t do any day, I pick up 3 days a week but we don’t go straight home as I have to collect my other child and she said he had to be home by a certain time which we would not meet! She also asked if I knew anyone else that could help so she’s clearly desperate and would let anyone drive her child

I’d be careful about agreeing to this, what if you’re running late, then you make him late. I’ve been in this position and it feels like a massive burden. Your kids won’t talk as freely as they would and you may end up resenting it. There’s literally nothing in it for you.

I wouldn’t.

I’d do it as a short term favour (eg I did it for an acquaintance when she broke her leg, and it took a week or so for her to make alternative arrangements).

But as a regular daily thing, just so she can keep her current work hours and avoid paying for proper childcare? Nope, far too much impact on your own family life.

No, I would not because I don't think it is fair on the child; I don't think it's right. It is a parents' duty to take their child to and from school - at every opportunity they can. You wrote 'struggling' not impossible; well, she needs to make it work.

A friend of mine was too lazy to bother with the school run and it has massively come back to bite her now her children are older.

Yes 100%, my children would be very quiet in the car journey now’s and the mornings are always so much of a rush as it is, it would change the atmosphere on our journeys. If it was their friend and someone they knew it would be completely different.

Mm that's a bit worrying. Easier to take than collect so that's good,

I did a rota with my neighbour. One week I took and she collected and then we swapped over. DD has a friend whose mother WFH and she asked if we could bring her DD home too. We did ans she always gave us a bottle of port at Xmas.

If you dont want to then say no, dont agree then regret it and spend ages trying to get out of it.

I personally wouldnt mind.

I found myself in a supposed week on/week off situation with another school mum.
Week 1 fine
Week 2 my kid picked up absolutely last doors by other mum, screeching brakes et al
Week 3 I’m sat outside their house for 5/10mins waiting because they’re not ready, late marks for my dc
Week 4 End of arrangement.

Not really sure if you're asking if we would or if you should.

Sounds like you've decided to say no anyway.

For what it's worth, I would and I'd be flattered to be trusted as responsible to help with someone else's kid. It's no extra work. It's good karma. Maybe make a new best friend. If it doesn't work you can say you can't any more. But I know most wouldn't because British people generally don't have the same sense of community as the country I'm from*, and it sounds like that's the page you're on.

*NB community means helping out people even if they aren't your best mate or blood relative. This charity starts at home stuff isn't a thing where I'm from.

I used to take a neighbour's child to school everyday for around 8 years. The husband, who was a mechanic, used to fix/service my car for free! Not enough people help each other!

if you don’t know then it’s too risky. Her willingness to seemingly give her kid to anyone that would take him is a red flag.

it will change the atmosphere in your car and you should prioritise your children.

With your updates it would be a definite no from me, she’s obviously worked her way through every other parent first if her child is much older than yours. If she’s angling for pick ups as well, you just know that if you agreed to drop offs she would always be pushing for pick ups a as well “ can’t you just do it this once as I’m really stuck” She’s going to expect your sister to take her child on the day she takes yours isn’t she and that’s definitely not on. If she needs drop offs and pick ups that’s not helping out in an emergency that’s someone needing proper child care like a childminder.
i did a few different reciprocal arrangements when my kids were younger so I’m firmly in the it takes a village camp and my mum sometimes took my turn if it was a good friend I didn’t want to let down, but never agreed to an every day thing for someone I didn’t even know.

I don’t mind helping people, and yes I don’t know her or her child, I think I’m thinking more about my own children and the effect it will have on our school run mornings and just the logistics of it if I’m late, her sons late, illness, my children are having a bad morning and there’s tears or crying in the car, it’s all another thing on top of all the other things we have in life with children. I do think it’s quite cheeky to ask a stranger for help and it’s a lot of help, she wanted help both ways to school, if it was a parent I knew and knew their child and my child was friends with there’s, I feel I would as it would be more comfortable for all of us. I don’t think we should just accept helping people we don’t know because it seems like the right thing to do if it ends up effecting yourself and your family.

This is a like for like favour so not genuinely helping somebody, I get no favour back!

And does she think you'd be volunteering your sister on the day she does for you? No chance. I'd help in an emergency, but she needs to sort out the main strategy herself.

I'm not judging you. I don't care what you do, I don't know you. Charity starts at home is a big part of British culture in any case.

I just don't understand why you'd post about something you've obviously already decided on. Guess you are looking for affirmation?

Not affirmation, just opinions on it and other personal experiences and things I may not have thought about so it helps me make my mind up (I’m leaning to no)