Swim instructor ignored our wishes about stranger fear

[FunnyLemonExpert]

Our 8 month old DD goes to swim class, shes been going for 3 months. She's started stranger fear now so we've asked instructors to not to hold her.
We should have the same instructor each week but we've had 5 different ones now. The first 4 listened and didn't touch her or just held her hand.
We had a class on friday, another new instructor and a trainee. Trainee is lovely.
DH forgot to remind the trainee to not hold DD so he helped her into the pool, she immediately cried as someone else held her. DH was in the pool trying to calm her down while class started. The trainee threw her a little rubber duck to help calm her down.
The other instructor then marched over 'dad, can I have her'. DH did not say anything so she took my crying DD from his arms and started doing the exercises with her. DD was now absolutely wailing. DH just stood there like a lemon.
I said excuse me 4 times until the instructor bothered to look at me. I said 'she's scared of strangers'. DH took DD back and handed her to me (i was not in the pool).
This instructor then berated me repeatedly saying DD needs to get used to her face and should be held by other people. This went on for several minutes, couldn't really hear much from the wailing. DH and I had said nothing else to her while she was ranting at me.
I took DD to get dressed and we left, she was in the pool for less than 5 minutes and cried for nearly 2 hours.
I've emailed the company with no response but we have another class today, no idea who the instructor is
DH thinks we should leave this company. I love taking DD swimming and she usually loves splashing about and floating, should I just skip the classes with that instructor or am I massively over reacting?
I spoke to my HV about it and she said I did the right thing and not to force baby to be held by other people

Also DD can be held by people she knows, like aunts and my friends so it's not severe stranger fear but being grabbed without consent while she's crying doesn't seem OK to me

Oh she’s 8 months.

It did her good. Forget about it

and your DH forget about it!!!

Leave the company. I don’t think they’ll put up any fight

This is on your DH, not the instructor, he shouldn’t have handed her over when she was already upset, it’s him I’d be annoyed with.

And no way did she stand there berating you for “a few mins”!!

fact is your own dh forgot about this stranger fear

and you have exaggerated the entire event

leave the company

Exactly

hence why he is so keen to leave!

Why don’t you both just take her swimming yourselves then whilst she’s still so young? I know how upsetting it can be when your baby is inconsolable for a long time, but this seems like it’s just not working for you and is a big old faff at the moment so why bother with it?

Just go and find another swimming lesson. Constant instructor changes isn’t good anyway. And tell your DH to grow some balls and stick up for his child!!

May the lord bless you with another child so you can laugh about this in future.

8 month old don't need swimming lessons.

No idea why you wrote a letter when your DH handed her over and didn’t say anything. You should have written the letter to him, not the company.

She is 8 months there is plenty of time for swimming lessons! Sounds like you would all benefit from a break. You'll be at a pool side for years anyways. Just go as a family and have some fun.

At 8 months old I’d just take her yourself. You can’t expect instructors to not touch or hold your baby and ‘teach’ her to swim. Sorry OP I think you’re overreacting.

Maybe wait until she is older? Hopefully she will grow out of her stranger fear. She won't get any benefit from a swim class if she is so distressed at her age.

I don't know if I'm convinced that the right approach to stranger fear is to avoid the baby being ever held by strangers? I thought the idea was to stay close so they can see you and reassure verbally, rather than aim to never have them held by anyone else, as that's not realistic and doesn't help them learn that it's actually safe?

The constant swim instructor changes might be because its the holidays. This is the time of year when our instructors tend to take holidays as often the classes arent full.

Bless you. You will look back and laugh I promise.

Christ op.

Just take her swimming to the local pool and then sign her up for lessons when she’s 3ish - she’ll learn how to swim then.

Gently, this is the kind of thing that you will look back on and laugh about your over-thinking when when she was a baby (and I was exactly the same).

I think you’re expecting far too much from the swim instructors, if you and your baby can’t handle the format of the lessons sack it off. I would be encouraging them rather than reinforcing the stranger fear.

Never heard of ‘stranger fear.’

Sorry but it’s entirely valid to take your child swimming at 8 months and get them used to the water. My eldest had swimming lessons at that age and is way more confident at swimming than my youngest who didn’t go to the baby swim lessons.

Taking them swimming is fine. You don't need actual lessons though.

Just take her swimming yourself. She doesn't need swimming lessons at that age. It is good though for you to try & get her used to other people

And I'm intrigued as to how the instructor "marched over" in the water!

I’d leave swim lessons for a while and just take her yourselves to get used to being in the water. You’ll have some ideas from the classes you’ve been to.She’s not enjoying it and you’re wasting your money.

Errr why is a baby having swimming lessons? A baby will not understand its a’lesson’ ! Just take her to the pool for fun until she is older .

What on earth?

She's 8 months old! Teach her the basics of swimming yourselves and stop wasting your money.

I presume these aren't lessons on butterfly technique and training for the Olympics so I'm sure you can handle getting your baby used to water on your own.

Is there anything people won't try and rinse parents for... And is there anything people won't fall for.