Swim instructor ignored our wishes about stranger fear

[FunnyLemonExpert]

Our 8 month old DD goes to swim class, shes been going for 3 months. She's started stranger fear now so we've asked instructors to not to hold her.
We should have the same instructor each week but we've had 5 different ones now. The first 4 listened and didn't touch her or just held her hand.
We had a class on friday, another new instructor and a trainee. Trainee is lovely.
DH forgot to remind the trainee to not hold DD so he helped her into the pool, she immediately cried as someone else held her. DH was in the pool trying to calm her down while class started. The trainee threw her a little rubber duck to help calm her down.
The other instructor then marched over 'dad, can I have her'. DH did not say anything so she took my crying DD from his arms and started doing the exercises with her. DD was now absolutely wailing. DH just stood there like a lemon.
I said excuse me 4 times until the instructor bothered to look at me. I said 'she's scared of strangers'. DH took DD back and handed her to me (i was not in the pool).
This instructor then berated me repeatedly saying DD needs to get used to her face and should be held by other people. This went on for several minutes, couldn't really hear much from the wailing. DH and I had said nothing else to her while she was ranting at me.
I took DD to get dressed and we left, she was in the pool for less than 5 minutes and cried for nearly 2 hours.
I've emailed the company with no response but we have another class today, no idea who the instructor is
DH thinks we should leave this company. I love taking DD swimming and she usually loves splashing about and floating, should I just skip the classes with that instructor or am I massively over reacting?
I spoke to my HV about it and she said I did the right thing and not to force baby to be held by other people

I didn't write a letter, I emailed to ask if we were OK to not have instructors hold the baby. I didn't name any names or complain about anyone

Me either 😂
What is it? Do you teach your child to be scared of everyone?

No need for swimming lessons at 8 months, just go swimming as a family. Lessons are useful from around 4 but gauge whether your child is ready, otherwise you’ll spend £££ and make no progress. Once they are ready they learn to swim, as in a length or more in weeks not years like I often read on here

What instructions did she ignore?

”DH forgot to remind”
”DH did not say anything”
”DH just stood there”

If she's 8 months she'll have a parent with her. So that parent is responsible for her and if she's held by the parent or someone else. Clearly the parent let her go to someone else. If you didn't want her going to someone else, then the parent shouldn't have let her

Just take her swimming yourselves. Babies don’t need lessons.

You and your partner sound like hard work...

Just teach her to swim yourself.

Yes this is on DH! The instructor wasn't great either. If there's another swimming option which is as convenient as this one, go ahead and leave, otherwise just make sure not to hand your baby over next time!

Irrespective off all this your wasting your time and money at 8 months it’s all about them getting used to the water you can do that yourself

the instructor had other people,kids and your DH no wonder they wouldn’t engage with you
tbh they’ll probably just ask you to leave
swooping isn’t going to help anyone including your daughter tbh your making the problem worse for her

Lots of babies are like this. Most, perhaps. The swim school have experience working with children and know what usually works. If you're not willing to let them even try to do their jobs, it's probably not the class for you.

Cried for nearly 2 hours - YABU

Okay, sorry, not a letter, but an email - which is really the current day equivalent of a letter……. Yes, of course instructors don’t have to hold the baby, which could easily be solved by your DH not handing the baby over, hence negating the need for an email.

What else do you get so uptight about …. this can’t be the only thing.

You need to chill OP or there’s a very long parenting road ahead ….

Are you just going to ignore that it was your husband who failed to take care of his child in that moment, and that swimming instructor was simply doing their job?

This is on your husband. No one else.

And there is no way on earth they berated you for a few mins. Be realistic.

Your 8 month old baby does not need swimming lessons.

Do the face splashing at home in the bath.
it’s all they need at this stage.

Pfb?

Cripes, I don't understand these swimming lessons at such a young age!? What happened to taking your baby a couple of times a week and make it a fun experience with one or both parents. They soon learn to swim and then you can put them in classes when they are older.

If you’re trying to stop an 8 month old from crying you’re fighting a loosing battle. Babies cry, they have separation anxiety, it’s developmentally normal.

An 8 month old is very unlikely to remember what happened 2 hours before and still be upset about it. Was she also tired/hungry/coming down with something?

Your DH sounds like he was completely useless.

The instructor also sounds quite heavy handed. It sounds like he thought she was upset about the water, not the people. But all of that could have been avoided by your DH being less wet.

Could you go in the pool with her?

Personally I think taking an 8 month old to swimming lessons is pretty pointless, unless you view it as a particularly expensive playgroup.

You and DH could just take her to a public swim session at a local kids pool and play with her in the water.

Give the teachers a break, it's not an easy job being a swimming teacher (I watch a lot of them while swimming in the remaining bit of our local pool). If you don't like their methods then maybe leave lessons until DC is older.

I assume it's what is often referred to as separation anxiety.

OP this really isn't the big deal you are making it. If your baby isn't ready for instructor led swimming lessons then don't take her - you and your husband can throw rubber ducks at her yourself for free rather than forcing a situation that sounds stressful for everyone.

Honestly if you have another you will look back and cringe that you gave this any headspace.

I would leave the lessons as an 8m old can’t learn to swim anyway. You can take her on your own to get used to the water and become confident ready for when she can learn properly. Save the money and stress.

You had me at ‘started stranger fear’. The whole thing sounds very OTT -perhaps your baby was crying because you were shouting at the instructor!

Oh mate, this is all just ridiculous

What in the name of fresh hell is stranger fear? Is it your PFB? You’ll be lobbing them in one or two down the line

Absolutely this, if it’s anyone’s fault it’s your DH’s

I say this kindly but you can clearly tell this is your first child. Maybe keep her home until she grows out of this phase.