Swim instructor ignored our wishes about stranger fear

[FunnyLemonExpert]

Our 8 month old DD goes to swim class, shes been going for 3 months. She's started stranger fear now so we've asked instructors to not to hold her.
We should have the same instructor each week but we've had 5 different ones now. The first 4 listened and didn't touch her or just held her hand.
We had a class on friday, another new instructor and a trainee. Trainee is lovely.
DH forgot to remind the trainee to not hold DD so he helped her into the pool, she immediately cried as someone else held her. DH was in the pool trying to calm her down while class started. The trainee threw her a little rubber duck to help calm her down.
The other instructor then marched over 'dad, can I have her'. DH did not say anything so she took my crying DD from his arms and started doing the exercises with her. DD was now absolutely wailing. DH just stood there like a lemon.
I said excuse me 4 times until the instructor bothered to look at me. I said 'she's scared of strangers'. DH took DD back and handed her to me (i was not in the pool).
This instructor then berated me repeatedly saying DD needs to get used to her face and should be held by other people. This went on for several minutes, couldn't really hear much from the wailing. DH and I had said nothing else to her while she was ranting at me.
I took DD to get dressed and we left, she was in the pool for less than 5 minutes and cried for nearly 2 hours.
I've emailed the company with no response but we have another class today, no idea who the instructor is
DH thinks we should leave this company. I love taking DD swimming and she usually loves splashing about and floating, should I just skip the classes with that instructor or am I massively over reacting?
I spoke to my HV about it and she said I did the right thing and not to force baby to be held by other people

My eldest has ended up learning swimming through a combo of his school doing a week’s swimming lessons for the kids each year and me taking him swimming every now and again. You don’t need to worry about this at your little one’s age, it is causing you all lots of stress by the sounds of it. No-one is having any fun. You can do ‘lessons’ yourself, just by bobbing about together gently in the water. Once your child is much much older you can start teaching them strokes!

Gosh at 8m I thought it’s more about getting used to the water etc, we took our DD ourselves every so often and then lessons later when she was older. She’s a very confident swimmer. I don’t think lessons are needed at this age. It’s also quite a big ask isn’t it for an instructor to commit to not touching the child when they might need to for safety reasons.

Oh God it’s too early for this. What a load of overinflated nonsense.

I agree with all comments about the fact that swimming lessons not necessary, this clearly not working for you so don’t persist etc

HOWEVER, if your DD is truly fearful of ALL people she is unfamiliar with have you considered her eyesight may not be perfect? My DD was the same and started wearing glasses at 13 months, it was transformational. However she also had a noticeable squint so was being monitored by the ophthalmologist anyway so they were able to pick this up.

Babies don't need swimming lessons. Just take her yourself. Problem solved.

Your DH handed over your baby.

The instructor then berated you for a few minutes publicly instead of teaching the lesson?

Your baby cried for 2 hours because a stranger held them?

Some of this I totally see happening - Your DH willingly handing over his baby.

The rest I think has been exaggerated in your mind to justify your preciousness over your baby.

Just don't go to “lessons” anymore if your DD cannot manage lessons.

It’ll save everyone a lot of stress - and money.

she didn’t rip your baby from
husband’s arms. All he had to do was decline. It is not normal to expect the swim instructors to remember rules parents can’t even follow.

Oh dear this is all very Precious First Born, why aren't you giving your husband a bollocking for being a useless father not sticking to your instructions rather than complaining about the pool staff?
a different teacher every week doesn't sound any good anyway. I'm not sure babies need swimming lessons but if it's a different teacher every session how is it even possible to measure progress (if any).

It will be a new tik tok or instagram thing.

An 8 month old at swimming lessons, who can’t actually be held by an instructor? Goodness me, why on earth aren’t you just taking her to the swimming pool yourselves? Especially as your husband is also in the water?
Beggars belief that you’re too stupid to see what a waste of money this is. And also a stupid husband who handed his baby to a stranger when she has ‘stranger fear’.

At 8 months old swimming lessons are a waste of money anyway. Just take your baby to have fun with you in the pool and think about lessons when she's around 2-2.5 at the earliest.

Your baby is growing up in a stressful environment.

As usual you have a DH problem. Is he usually such a wet lettuce? Do you usually blame others for him doing fuck all?

She's started stranger fear now

Okayyy ... So, when will you be starting "you're more likely to be abused by someone who's not a stranger" training?

If it's a private lesson, presumably the instructors will need to hold her to do the session? You're paying for a service and they're just trying to make sure you get what you're paying them to do. If you want to do a structured session, you might be best looking for a group one where parents get in the water with the baby and the instructor offers more hands off guidance.

Errr, sorry op, but you are that parent. Id leave this particular swim company - believe me, they wont try to stop you..

or he made the judgement call thinking she’d settle once they got going

for her to cry for 2 hours tbh sounds like she’s picking up in your anxiety over all this I’m guessing you’d stressed yourself they won’t settle when you’re like that

This makes no sense. You’re annoyed that the instructor should remember? Only you DH should be remembering, new instructor or not. Your DH is in charge. ‘Can I have her?’ ‘No, I’ll keep hold of her while she’s upset, it’s best for just me to hold her’ after all you are a customer.

withdraw your email complaint and go elsewhere if you want to. Or just take her yourselves- what the point of an instructor if you’re not going to let them do part of their job ? (It’s very normal for the instructor to hold the babies.)

At 8 months old, you are just getting her used to and more confident in the water, save your money and do it yourself.

If I would give any advice, it would be to take private, not group lessons. Although more expensive on the face of it, your child will progress much quicker than in a group, so your lessons shouldn't last years and years 😅

Overreacting. You’ll look back on this and realise but it would have stressed me out too to be fair. Maybe forget lessons for a while and take her for fun splash abouts.

I’d leave the company because they sound completely different to every other baby swimming class. Never has anyone even offered to hold my baby at a swimming class. Why is this a thing that seems to need to be said weekly?

Also, unless the lessons are very reasonably priced, a new coach every week is ridiculous.

FFS your DH is the issue here. If this is such a big problem why didn’t he say something and why are both of you at the swimming pool anyway? My DD (now a fully grown adult) had an incredibly well developed sense of personal space from being very small (and still does which as a young woman is an amazing thing to have). She’d rather fling herself to the ground than be touched by someone she didn’t know. I had no idea I should have labelled this and written emails about it. If I was at a toddler class I just said she won’t like you touching her and nobody touched her.

The swimming instructor didn’t “ignore your wishes not to hold DD”

The swimming instructor asked to support DD and her Dad handed her over.

O actually feel sorry for your DH in this sensation because I imagine the instructors reaction to you was in response to your helicopter firing up and leaping up because she was handed over and the over reaction was quite spectacular.

Why email to ask the instructors not to their job? If your DD cannot manage the sessions - don’t go!

Yep you’ve got stressed over a very normal thing (clingy baby!) and passed it on to the baby to continue crying for 2 hours. That’s not normal. Moving on/ distracting is a common tactic, the instructor was doing what she’s done with loads of other babies.

you need to co-regulate with the baby, if you’re upset and stressed they feel it.

So you are planning on making her comfortable around strangers by never exposing her to them, even in a safe place either you present. Right-o