Swim instructor ignored our wishes about stranger fear

[FunnyLemonExpert]

Our 8 month old DD goes to swim class, shes been going for 3 months. She's started stranger fear now so we've asked instructors to not to hold her.
We should have the same instructor each week but we've had 5 different ones now. The first 4 listened and didn't touch her or just held her hand.
We had a class on friday, another new instructor and a trainee. Trainee is lovely.
DH forgot to remind the trainee to not hold DD so he helped her into the pool, she immediately cried as someone else held her. DH was in the pool trying to calm her down while class started. The trainee threw her a little rubber duck to help calm her down.
The other instructor then marched over 'dad, can I have her'. DH did not say anything so she took my crying DD from his arms and started doing the exercises with her. DD was now absolutely wailing. DH just stood there like a lemon.
I said excuse me 4 times until the instructor bothered to look at me. I said 'she's scared of strangers'. DH took DD back and handed her to me (i was not in the pool).
This instructor then berated me repeatedly saying DD needs to get used to her face and should be held by other people. This went on for several minutes, couldn't really hear much from the wailing. DH and I had said nothing else to her while she was ranting at me.
I took DD to get dressed and we left, she was in the pool for less than 5 minutes and cried for nearly 2 hours.
I've emailed the company with no response but we have another class today, no idea who the instructor is
DH thinks we should leave this company. I love taking DD swimming and she usually loves splashing about and floating, should I just skip the classes with that instructor or am I massively over reacting?
I spoke to my HV about it and she said I did the right thing and not to force baby to be held by other people

Crying for two hours because someone else held her seems an awfully long time, surely a baby would calm down as soon as they were back with someone they felt safe with.
Why not go in with DD yourself in future.

You are massively overreacting. HTH.

So you would let your 2.5 year old head off to the pool unaccompanied?
If not, what actual benefit is there to swimming 'independently'?
This is another bit of unnecessary competitive parenting.

As a parent of a 2.5yo who swam by himself, it's much, MUCH nicer in the pool on holiday when you don't have to hold them all the time! Yes, I stick within 2m or so of him at all times, but it was so much fun having him jump into the pool, get out and come down slides independently etc

Are you trying to make her neurotic?!

So to clarify your DH is a shit listener…. 🤔
maybe get on the same page but also swim lessons at 8 months is pointless. I did it with my now 9 year old

Yes, I was sitting by the pool whilst my 2.5yo and my 4.5 yo were swimming. Always watching them even now when they’re older but an absolute game changer as soon as they’re confident in water and swim independently.

And it’s not competitive parenting! Yes I’m proud of them but Like I said - something nice to do with your baby/toddler that’s also beneficial in long run.
We also took them swimming on rainy days because I hate soft plays so I guess that contributed to be early swimmers. Thanks to the lessons I knew what I could and couldn’t do with them and what to do to help them improve. The lessons are for the parent as much as the children.

Sorry hrft due to time, but DS started swimming class at 7M and still goes weekly, but has very rarely been held by the instructor, and we've changed groups (but same company) a few times, so different instructors. Only time instructors touch children was getting in and out of pool and you can do that without them if you prefer.

I would change to a different company.

Its a very social activity if you do group lessons and I will.misd it whe n we have to stop.

Wow! 'Stranger fear' thats a new one. Is this for real?

clearly you never been at baby swimming classes. There is no need for instructor to hold the baby, parents follow the instructions of the instructor what to do.
The instructor may show something directly like diving but it’s not required

This is such a daft comment. In baby swimming THE PARENTS are in the pool
and they hold the baby, and follow the instructions of the instructor

It’s not about letting a 2yo head off to a pool unaccompanied 🙄. It’s about water confidence and water safety.

I’m in Aus and it’s typically to start swimming lessons at 6mo. That means a parent in the pool with them but they become more independent as they head towards 2yo. The 6mo-2yo stage has a parent in the pool and at 6mo it’s about them being comfortable with water on their face, being dunked under, being ok with the feel of water, crawling on floating mats etc. As they move towards 2yo it transitions to water safety, being able to grip onto the side of the pool and ‘monkey walk’ themselves to steps to get out.

At 2yo they commence formal swimming lessons in groups with an instructor without a parent and they crack on really quickly with skills. This is not so parents can ‘send them off to a pool unaccompanied’, it’s to minimise the chance of them drowning if they do ‘escape’ somewhere around water as it’s pretty much everywhere here including many deep inground backyard pools (which must be fenced and childproof, but even so some can be genius little buggers at getting in), so early water safety and swimming skills are critical.

8 months? Find a class where you are in the water with them.

The husband was in the water.

Then what the heck are they moaning about??

We don’t know

Sounds like your incompetent husband is the issue

I’ve been taking my daughter (nearly 4) to swimming lessons since she was 6 weeks old. She can swim under water, no goggles, eyes open. Whilst my friend’s kids who haven’t, cry when water is splashed on their face.

Perhaps he did have a different perspective to OP.
But discussing that with the OP would be better for everyone,better for OP,DH,the swim instructor and most importantly the baby.

I always really enjoyed our swimming lessons when they were babies. No, they don’t ‘need’ it, but it’s a nice thing to do, they get used to water, you get to chat to some other mums and they’ll usually nap well after it. So no idea why OP is being berated for that (apart from the fact that on MN, the only thing you’re allowed to do with under 3s is go to church playgroups and walks.)

With that being said YABU. It’s no big thing as the soothing voice of mark rylance says.

all the classes I did the instructor often held the babies. It wasn’t 1:1! The coach did change sometimes but only for holiday cover.

so much drama
daddy needs to use his words

An 8 month old DOESN'T NEED swimming lessons - just why?

This!