Swim instructor ignored our wishes about stranger fear

[FunnyLemonExpert]

Our 8 month old DD goes to swim class, shes been going for 3 months. She's started stranger fear now so we've asked instructors to not to hold her.
We should have the same instructor each week but we've had 5 different ones now. The first 4 listened and didn't touch her or just held her hand.
We had a class on friday, another new instructor and a trainee. Trainee is lovely.
DH forgot to remind the trainee to not hold DD so he helped her into the pool, she immediately cried as someone else held her. DH was in the pool trying to calm her down while class started. The trainee threw her a little rubber duck to help calm her down.
The other instructor then marched over 'dad, can I have her'. DH did not say anything so she took my crying DD from his arms and started doing the exercises with her. DD was now absolutely wailing. DH just stood there like a lemon.
I said excuse me 4 times until the instructor bothered to look at me. I said 'she's scared of strangers'. DH took DD back and handed her to me (i was not in the pool).
This instructor then berated me repeatedly saying DD needs to get used to her face and should be held by other people. This went on for several minutes, couldn't really hear much from the wailing. DH and I had said nothing else to her while she was ranting at me.
I took DD to get dressed and we left, she was in the pool for less than 5 minutes and cried for nearly 2 hours.
I've emailed the company with no response but we have another class today, no idea who the instructor is
DH thinks we should leave this company. I love taking DD swimming and she usually loves splashing about and floating, should I just skip the classes with that instructor or am I massively over reacting?
I spoke to my HV about it and she said I did the right thing and not to force baby to be held by other people

Tell me you have a precious first born without telling me.

I think perhaps being the only people to hold baby will unintentionally reinforce the 'stranger fear' - babies cry, as long as we're there to reassure and comfort, it's all part of their development.

Having said that - your baby, your rules - which you & your DH are responsible for reinforcing. The instructor can't be responsible for this.

It really sounds as though lessons at this stage are not for you & your baby, since this is an issue for you.

What have I just read. OP, you will die of embarrassment thinking about this in the future. Just take her swimming yourselves, classes at 8 months are not necessary and labelling it as stranger fear? I assume you, this is PFB-itis and you’ll get over it.

I'd say she isn't ready for these classes. How on earth is anybody expected to teach an 8 month old to swim without holding her. She won't understand instructions. An altogether batty idea.

At this age the classes are largely about fun.

The instructors of groups like this won’t remember detailed instructions about individual babies. They are offering a class with specific things.

in the same way if you do a baby massage class and your baby hates it you just need to stop for a while. The class shouldn’t (and largely won’t) bend around you,

find something else your baby enjoys.

(also, emailing the company/org does not necessarily get through to the instructors and even if it does they need to agree to do it).

Good god. What a massive overreaction.

Your DD will never get over “stranger fear” if you mollycoddle her.

Just take her to the pool yourself, let her splash and enjoy herself.

My DDs never had actual swimming lessons at that age, but were both baby dolphins by 3.

They started lessons only at 6, to learn proper strokes, when they were already completely confident in the water.

How much are these lessons costing you? You’ve been going for 3 months- I presumed weekly, but you had a lesson on Friday and another one today?

First child?

Oh i love a Sunday morning wind up thread. Well done @FunnyLemonExpert

Do you not think perhaps you’re being a little dramatic. Bsby is stressed, then you are stressed, dad is stressed as he’s being told he’s wrong and that’s likely why your baby cried for hours afterwards, maybe ditch formal lessons for a bit and take her yourselves and just have fun: all this anxiety and stress is no good for anyone. Babies will meet new people, drs at clinic, nurses, people in shops etc it’s good for social development. They don’t have to hold her I agree but your baby does pick up your anxieties if you are so uptight. I have 4 children and

Are you suffering from post natal depression OP because this really isn't healthy or normal. I would suggest talking to your health visitor or GP.

In OPS defence, we have no idea about where she is or what services her leisure centre offers. We happily paid for baby swim because our local leisure centre only offered public swimming at set times, they were always packed and absolute chaos. Out of two attempts we tried to bring baby the pool shit due to vomit twice! Whereas baby swim was completely empty and calm with loads of toys put for play. So bare in mind you don't know the circumstances before judging her for taking baby to swim classes.

Also, separation anxiety is completely normal, OP simply used the incorrect term.

But OP I do think you are being OTT in your reaction. Your DH has a mouth he could have simply said 'no' at the time. It's entirely on him and contacting them was ridiculous.

Agree with others your DH should have not handed her over. With all due respect, this is very precious first born. I really get it about separation anxiety having an autistic child who really struggled with this at 2-3 years old but your job as a parent is to réassure them.

In defence of the baby swim lessons - they are expensive but both my children had them as it was a nice thing to do with their dad. A friend and I had just had our second babies and both our 2yo toddlers fell in our (1m deep) local duck pond with some overzealous duck feeding. My daughter knew immediately to turn around and grab the edge compared to her son who kind of flailed around. Obviously we were there to haul them both out so they weren’t in danger but it did make me feel like she had learnt something.

Sorry OP, it I agree with this.

No baby swim instructor is going to be that interested in the participation of one baby to do all that!

And I happily took my son to "lessons" from six months because it was a fun thing to do with my friends and he loved the splashing and songs and chewing on the floats.

The instructors will want to encourage babies to participate and enjoy themselves safely, but faffing around with precise requests for how the baby engages with the lesson really isn't the aim here.

One of our cats has got it! She was a lockdown kitten and disappears whenever strangers are in the house! Slight derail sorry

😂

Yes sounds like a money making scam to me. Just like all those ' baby Einstein/teach your infant Mandarin' nonsense that companies use to scam first time parents out of their cash. If both of you are going to the pool anyway, why not just go to a baby swim session or do one of those water bounce and rhyme things where the parents hold the babies at all times? I had to stop taking DS2 to the pool at about this age as he kept leaping out of my arms. He didn't go back till he was 2. He had completed all 7 stages when he was about 8 so it didn't hold him back.

With kindness, OP, you are going to look back on this and absolutely cringe at the PFB. In the meantime, if this is really important to you, you need to ensure that you and DH are on the same page (ask yourself honestly - does he care about this as much as you?) and he needs to find his words and advocate.

Babies should not be going to swimming “lessons”.

The only email you need to send is the one to your DH reminding him to use his big boy words.

Your email to the swim school is ridiculous. You are parents and if you need to ask if its ok for you to hold your own baby its not the swim school for you.

How does one “march over” in a swimming pool? 😂 sorry OP you are being ridiculous. Nobody “forced” you to have your baby held by someone else- their father willingly handed them over.

The poor swimming instructor, a crying baby, a dad standing there like a lemon and mum hovering and interfering on the poolside - they don’t get paid enough.

Thats before you think about the uselessness of swimming lessons for an 8 month old.

This is all really OTT op. It's not a big deal other than your DH being the wettest lettuce imaginable.

At this age you are just helping them to get used to the water which doesn't require much swimming expertise or specialist lessons. However, it would be tricky for someone to do it without holding the baby. Why don't you or dh just do it?