Swim instructor ignored our wishes about stranger fear

[FunnyLemonExpert]

Our 8 month old DD goes to swim class, shes been going for 3 months. She's started stranger fear now so we've asked instructors to not to hold her.
We should have the same instructor each week but we've had 5 different ones now. The first 4 listened and didn't touch her or just held her hand.
We had a class on friday, another new instructor and a trainee. Trainee is lovely.
DH forgot to remind the trainee to not hold DD so he helped her into the pool, she immediately cried as someone else held her. DH was in the pool trying to calm her down while class started. The trainee threw her a little rubber duck to help calm her down.
The other instructor then marched over 'dad, can I have her'. DH did not say anything so she took my crying DD from his arms and started doing the exercises with her. DD was now absolutely wailing. DH just stood there like a lemon.
I said excuse me 4 times until the instructor bothered to look at me. I said 'she's scared of strangers'. DH took DD back and handed her to me (i was not in the pool).
This instructor then berated me repeatedly saying DD needs to get used to her face and should be held by other people. This went on for several minutes, couldn't really hear much from the wailing. DH and I had said nothing else to her while she was ranting at me.
I took DD to get dressed and we left, she was in the pool for less than 5 minutes and cried for nearly 2 hours.
I've emailed the company with no response but we have another class today, no idea who the instructor is
DH thinks we should leave this company. I love taking DD swimming and she usually loves splashing about and floating, should I just skip the classes with that instructor or am I massively over reacting?
I spoke to my HV about it and she said I did the right thing and not to force baby to be held by other people

I don't understand why a 8 month year old needs a swimming instructor. I don't understand why, as parents who know that their child doesn't like to be held by strangers didn't just take her for a splash in the pool by themselves.

And yeah, your hubby should've said loud and clear about nobody else handling your child.

Five kids and I’ve never heard of it either.

Edited to add: I never experienced “leaps” or “regression” either until I came on MN.

I think it's a big overreaction.

I’m sorry OP. It must be difficult to read all of these replies saying the same thing, but please take it in the way it is meant - as a gentle reminder your maternal instincts have gone on overdrive here and it’s come from a place of love. It’s ok, we have all overreacted about our babies at some point because we adore them and don’t want them to be upset. Unfortunately I do agree with the many other posters - there is no need for an 8 month old to take swimming lessons. It’s a great idea to take them swimming and get them used to water in a fun, relaxed way though! So why don’t you and your husband go for fun as a family and introduce lessons later on.
I do also agree with posters who say your annoyance should be directed at your husband - what he should have said is “she’s scared of new faces at the moment so I will hold her while she gets used to seeing you thank you”. And then he should have spent the lesson reassuring her with his body language that we are all friends here.
I don’t think any instructor would spend several minutes of their time berating you but perhaps they tried to reassure you and it didn’t come off that way due to the stressful situation. Having said that I’d ditch the lessons anyway because it’s all a rip off - no 8 month old needs lessons at this age.
Please try to forget about this incident and learn from it - the only way to work through this developmental phase is to show baby that strangers aren’t dangerous and you do that by being completely relaxed, smiley and chatty with the strangers. The baby will take your lead and when stranger eventually holds baby she will know parents have pre approved this person.

This. I’m laughing really.

Swimming lessons at 8 months old ! What nonsense-
these ‘lessons’ are socialising a baby to water -
do that yourself for goodness sake and enrol in swim lessons when child old enough to learn to actually swim

I feel for the instructors.

Which you frankly don't need right now. Your baby is 8 months old. Just take her to the paddling pool and enjoy splashing about while you work through the stranger fear phase.

Without consent?? Your husband handed her over?

ffs, you really are one of those mums

She means her consent

Stranger fear? Forgive me for the ignorance but it sounds like something that’s going to do more damage than good for your child. You’ll end up with an overly anxious child because she’s feeding from yours.

An 8 month old does not need swimming lessons
take her yourself to a normal pool

Around 7-9 months old, children begin to recognise their main caregivers and gain security in that knowledge, and also acknowledge that other people are unfamiliar. This is a normal stage of child development. Making it all about their "fear of strangers" instead of their ability to recognise thise familiar to them will likely turn it into a scary time instead of learning phase.

At least this post has given us all a giggle on Sunday morning. There really are people like this out there!

I think it’s time for OP to think about going back to work!

Why are the instructors holding her? Both of mine went to swimming lessons from 3 months and they were always held by the parent. When they get older and go under the water then the instructor would hold them so they could then swim back to the parent. It sounds like you and your DH were a bit passive here but also that the lessons are maybe not that great if there’s a different instructor all the time. Ours have the same one every week.

Sorry but YABU. Your kid is only 8mo and there is all this drama. If your child is afraid of people you should wait for things like swimming lessons until they’re older and can reasonably manage a normal lesson.. it sounds like you are anxious and your child is normal and you’re attempting to do an activity that they aren’t confident enough to do. They don’t need swimming lessons at 8mo so really you could wait longer or find a lesson where you are also in the water. I think this is on you and it’s all just so OTT

So your baby is at the scared of strangers stage which is perfectly natural and you both ate putting her to swimming lessons which you know have different people running them every week? Your dh shouldnt have handed her over but equally swimming lessons at this stage are totally useless especially with a constant stream of strangers. I take it you only have a child and havent learned every one else's world doesn't revolve around that 1 child yet.

How does one teach an 8 month old child to swim without holding them?

Levitation? 🤣

I didn’t even know this had a name, stranger fear, when did this get a label? Honestly, change lessons to have a regular instructor and tell your husband he shouldn’t have just passed her over. Done. Try to move past it and hopefully it’s just a phase your daughters in as she’s so young. Do you both need to go to the lesson?

She is clearly not ready for this kind of environment. Just take her swimming yourself, maybe rent a private pool if she can’t be around other people

Jesus Christ. Swimming lessons at 8 months.

This! 100 million times over

shes not “learning to swim” at that age, it’s water familiarity and that’s fine.

just take her yourself and get her used to splashing about and being comfortable in the water.

she doesn’t need to be subjected to strangers holding her just for this

she’s a baby fgs @FunnyLemonExpert you don’t need to pay for lessons like this, there are literally years and years ahead when it’s necessary

leave the classes and honestly don’t give any of it a second thought

8 month olds don't need swimming lessons, just take her to the pool yourselves.

DH was pretty useless, wasn't he.

You come across as extremely anxious OP - this will be rubbing off on your kid. Sorry to say but it's not that deep. Just take her to the pool on your own instead of this if it makes you feel better. The company won't care whether you come back or stay. It's a business. They don't care about the hundreds of kids that come and go. They get paid.

Are you sure your husband agrees with you about how to handle the stranger fear?