Co-parent gone on holiday and left kids with his parents.

[mioz]

Ex and I usually follow the 2-2-3 co parenting rule which generally works well for us but as it’s summer holidays we’re giving week-on week-off a go. So far I hate it but that’s another story. The kids have been with him for 6 days and are back to me tomorrow. Today I’ve found out that he’s gone on holiday abroad with his girlfriend and the kids have been sent to their grandparents to stay for the day/night (kids will not be happy about this arrangement at all). I’ve text Ex and said that if either of us are unavailable during our scheduled child time then we should be defaulting back to the other co-parent before asking family members for sleepovers but do I even have a leg to stand on asking that? I know technically it’s none of my business what happens during his time with the kids but this has simultaneously pissed me off (because why does he want to cut his measly 50% any shorter) and upset me (because I know the kids will be having a miserable time with mean grandparents). Ugh.

Agree with this

Do you really want to start a battle over this?

I have this arrangement with ex. If either of us is unavailable we have to give the other first refusal before making other childcare arrangements. Works well for us.

YABU.
They stayed one night with their grandparent, it’s not like he’s dumping them constantly during his time. He’s allowed to facilitate a relationship between his children and his parents and he’s allowed to use a babysitter.

Why? He has parents and most people want their kids to spend time with their grandparents. Thats not something OP gets to complain about; unless the grandparents are an actual risk. But since one of her complaints is that the gran doesn’t drive… she is scraping the barrel.

It would be scraping the barrel if you hadn’t chosen to conveniently ignore the bit where they repeatedly tell a 7 year old to shut up, and the fact the grandad is an alcoholic 🧐

Why has he gone on holiday without his children when it's his week for having them? He can easily go on holiday on his week without them.
Also the fact that he hasn't told you is out of order.
Yes you have every right to be pissed off!
Just go back to the original schedule and don't change it again for holidays - it clearly isn't working.
Also potential safeguarding concern about who he has left the children with.

The kids prefer 2–2-3, not sure why but happy to be led by them

I believe it's usually put in the original court order if you both agree to it..
Exh used to collect dc at 8am every Saturday. (?!).
He was once in hospital and text me his db (who dc had met once) was coming for them. I refused amd even db said I was correct.

Pity the staff who had to deal with exh's tantrum.

Ultimately in his time =his management..

Are you sure it's not because you're bothered he's away with his girlfriend?

Yep, I’m sure! But thanks for your fantastic insight!

Love the women on this thread simping and fawning over a man.

Because he is an "involved dad" who fucked off on holiday with his girlfriend rather than seeing his children or communicating to his ex he was going on holiday and Because the children dont really like it with his parents did she want an extra night?

Not child focused at all

Are they at risk or in danger though? It's far from ideal, certainly, but if there's no danger or risk and it's one night then I would be fizzing but would try and keep it to myself and not let them pick up on my anger.

sorry - saying that a man is allowed to arrange sleepovers for his kids at their grandparents house is simpering and fawning?

Gosh. My kids slept over at their gran’s house last night, their dad’s mum. And I arranged it. Would you like to tell me how terrible I am, and how I should have called their dad first and sent them to him instead? Because that’s the same situation, just with the sexes reversed. I cannot imagine anyone who defending me being called simpering.

No, they’re not, you’re right. Thank you. I missed out some back story on the GP’s as didn’t think it was relevant to this post, but 10+ years of them as my in laws means I’m in a good position to know it’s not better for my kids to be there than be with me.

I assume if it’s their dad’s mum, then their dad knew about it? Which means it’s different from this situation..

I do get where you're coming from, and I understand your anger, but ultimately (as you said in your OP) it's his time and he gets to make the (poor) decisions - providing of course, there's no risk or danger. Seethe inwardly and allocate him another dick point privately.

How old are the kids? They’ll soon be old enough to vote with their feet if he does it often

Children stay at Grandparents house for a night, I don’t see anything wrong here.

If he was to ask you to have them instead he’d probably be accused of trying to change the schedule you’d agreed to and you having to change your plans to accommodate.

Do you ever let your children spend time/stay with your parents/siblings? Do you ask him every time before you do this?

You don’t get to dictate what he does on his custody time and unless you have reason to suspect neglect or abuse you don’t have a leg to stand on. Just because you don’t like his parents doesn’t mean you get to project on to your children.

I have absolutely no idea if he knew about it. He is useless. Hence why his mum and I arranged things directly, and they’re off to his dad’s next week (his mum and dad are divorced). Again, I arranged it directly with him. No idea if their dad knows. He sees them every second weekend, and cancels as often as he can so… useless.

Who is simping and fawning? He is their father, they are his children, he can decide who is looking after them. OP doesn’t have to like it, but she can’t control it. Just as he can’t control who is with the children when they are with OP.

Here you have a guy who is actively taking part in raising his children, but he does one thing, one night, that OP doesn’t like and you think people should be, what, berating him for being an absent father?

Yeah but you conveniently left that out of your OP and only mentioned it when the answers didn't go your way 🤷‍♂️

Don’t be ridiculous

No, you don’t have a leg to stand on. Provided the kids are safe (and telling a child to shut up / not driving doesn’t qualify as unsafe) he’s entitled to leave the kids with whichever adult he wants. If the 1-1 week doesn’t work for you then ask him or go to court to change it, don’t pick fights over silly things.

He was with them for 6 days… with their gps for 1 night.

am assuming op is not allowed to go out or do anything without dc on her days?