Co-parent gone on holiday and left kids with his parents.

[mioz]

Ex and I usually follow the 2-2-3 co parenting rule which generally works well for us but as it’s summer holidays we’re giving week-on week-off a go. So far I hate it but that’s another story. The kids have been with him for 6 days and are back to me tomorrow. Today I’ve found out that he’s gone on holiday abroad with his girlfriend and the kids have been sent to their grandparents to stay for the day/night (kids will not be happy about this arrangement at all). I’ve text Ex and said that if either of us are unavailable during our scheduled child time then we should be defaulting back to the other co-parent before asking family members for sleepovers but do I even have a leg to stand on asking that? I know technically it’s none of my business what happens during his time with the kids but this has simultaneously pissed me off (because why does he want to cut his measly 50% any shorter) and upset me (because I know the kids will be having a miserable time with mean grandparents). Ugh.

Sounds like your just looking for reasons to start shit when it's not needed what would you say if your ex said your parents couldn't see the kids I bet you wouldn't be to happy with that

If you have a legal agreement in place that should be covered off. If you don't have one, get one.

FWIW your ex is a jerk. He should have said, I'm going away on X date. Do you want the kids back early? Otherwise my parents will take them.
And that should have been discussed well in advance.

This.

For routine day to day care then, No, but the in charge parent has left on holiday. That's not routine.

😂😂

And it is exactly that. She can take her own holiday, if she wishes.

I've read the thread and the OP is just being silly. One grandparent drinks, the other doesn't drive. Her child has ADHD, so? They can still be told off. The other parent went on holiday and left the children with his parents for a night. Not a week or what is supposed to be the majority of his time, A NIGHT.

I'm the child of divorced parents, and both my parents would leave my brother and I with their parents. No asking each other at all. Just independent decisions made by independent people.

The OP wouldn't call him up and say the children are staying with her parents, so why expect that from someone else? If you wouldn't do that, don't expect them to do that for you. That is unreasonable and ridiculous.

Its actually nuts, every time I read this forum im shocked.
The idea that you have no control over who your children stay with just because its during his access time, is crazy. Surely time with anyone else, especially overnight?? Would have to be agreed in advance? Even besides the fact it doesn't sound safe with the alcohol being consumed, I dont understand the idea that anyone is entitled to have your children sleep over without your prior arranged consent, grandparents or not.

She's explained this.

To her, 50% doesn't seem like nearly enough time to spend with her kids so from that perspective she finds it hard to believe that he wants even less.

if there was an emergency, would you expect the grandparents to call for an ambulance or drive the injured party to hospital themselves?

My preference would be for them to call for help. I’ve seen my parents placed into an unfamiliar situation and Dad’s driving skills (alcohol free) were crap. He panicked.

Secondly the children’s grandparents have a right to spend time with their grandchildren. If a GC doesn’t like it, tough.

Unless there is something absolutely terrible going on, the children need to learn to accommodate their family members different styles.

you mentioned earlier you have no family to fall back on. How has this come about? Don’t tell us, but reflect. How have you become alienated ? Was there a major accident that wiped everyone out or are you unhappy with family member’s behaviour?

Again I don’t want to know but do you think atm you are giving your children a pass to forgo family relationships because you have ?

otherwise one night with the oldies isn’t going to hurt them.

Your in-laws must have done something right for you to be initially attracted to their son and populate a few times with him…..

But not all grandparents live with somebody who drinks too much. The worry he might drink and drive with the children would concern me too.

Are you perhaps not in the UK?

"...just because its during his access time"

There is no such thing as "access time", especially where there is a shared "lives with" order (I assume that is the case here). In this situation it places parents on an equal footing and prevents one parent from acting as though they are solely in charge.

"I dont understand the idea that anyone is entitled to have your children sleep over without your prior arranged consent, grandparents or not."

You may not understand it, but it is the law in England & Wales. While the children are living with one parent, that parent is not required to notify the other parent of what they are doing (unless the court order says that they must).

My 8 year old stayed at my mums last night because I'm away for a night with friends, I didn't ask her dad's permission for it 🤷🏼‍♀️ if it's one night and they aren't in danger, it's a massive over reaction on your part.

So shocked OP at the total lack of empathy on most of these posts. I totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s not that he’s made a decision about where the kids are during his time, it’s that he’s chosen somewhere he (should) know they’ll be unhappy and that they would have not wanted to be dropped to. I understand how heartbreaking this would be for you to hear about second hand and not be able to do anything about. I think it makes total sense to say to him that if he wants to do this again during his time please could he ask you if you’d be happy to have them. There’s nothing to stop them seeing their grandparents but sounds like a day trip is better.
there’s also something about the way you didn’t know, so couldn’t tell your children in advance. It’s nice to know what your children are doing- I don’t see why any of this is unreasonable in any way.

Agree,I personally think she is being ott

If anything happens to you, this is there alternative life. One night is not a big deal.
Had he called you, you’d have been ranting that he’s upsetting your deal.

He’s done 100% the right thing. YABh

It there more to the story to why you dont want your children at their grandparents? He dosent have to tell you he's dropped them off there, yea ok he probably shouldn't have gone on hoilday on his days with the kids unless he was taking them on hoilday but I'd just stay out of this one to try and keep the peace. Trust me it makes things soooo much easier

I was originally thinking that your ex can do what they like on their time, as it's good for DGPs to be able to get some time too. However I guess it does depend on if the kids and DGPs are happy with the situation. With one set of our parents it would be ok, the other set would feel it a burden which then filters down to the kids (and so they only go there when we really need childcare for an event or something).
But overall, as a rule, I would imagine DGP visits would be absolutely ok on that co-parent's allocated time.

Try reading their posts there is an alcoholic there and they are short tempered with the children

Is she a shouty alcoholic?

Exactly this

Ahh that changes things then. I wouldn't want my kids around that either

One night with grandparents and you want to raise a fuss OP - jesus wept

I agree with this poster.
I couldn't imagine being in your situation and only having my children 50% of the time so he could have asked you first especially seeing as your DS wasn't going to be happy at grandparents.

Sorry but I havent read all the comments so could have missed something, but it sounds like he has booked a week away when you are due to have the kids but there is a one day crossover into his week. Could he not just have asked you to take the kids back one day early? If i was you I would be happy to do that incase I needed a similar favour in the future. Sometimes its hard to stick to an exact schedule and a bit of flexibility is needed. I wouldn't like the idea of kids being with grandparents they didnt really like staying with, I would have preferred to be asked to take them back

Haven’t RTFT but I’m with you OP.

We’re also 2-2-3 (kids’ choice) and roughly week on/off for summer…I’ve always told ex, offer to me first then if I can’t, ask grandparents etc. First year he wouldn’t as he thought it proved he couldn’t cope with 50:50. But now, 4 years post him leaving, he realises that (unlike him, sorry to say) if available, I’m always keen to have any extra time with my kids and won’t use it to bargain against him.

Good luck xx