AIBU to leave 9 year old at home for 15 minutes?

[Nicemam]

Just a quick one because I did this today and now I'm questioning my decision. My son is 9 and an half and I let him stay at home alone this morning while I dropped his sister to nursery which is a 5 minute walk each way. I was gone roughly 15 minutes.

Theres only about 5 minutes of the journey where I can't see the house, and I called him when I left the nursery to come back, is he too young? He plays out and I figure he's safer in his room than outside surely?

It just seems silly to wake him up early in the summer holidays to take his sister to nursery at 8am when he could just be at home relaxing. I make sure he's awake and aware I'm going, and he knows not to open the door to anyone but me, If I'm wrong I'll accept my bad mum badge.

Well, my 10 year old is at home for longer and I am further away (driving) and I have checked in with him about how he feels about it. He's fine. He's sensible. How does your son feel about it? If he were anxious/not sensible or prone to doing dangerous or silly things I wouldn't. We live in a safe area though and neighbours all know each other etc

He's fine with it, he wants to be left while we go food shopping too but I've said no to that, it's far too long.

9 years is too young to leave a child alone. Although 15 minutes doesn’t seem long and you’re phoning him, it’s long enough for something to go wrong, possibly seriously wrong. It might not happen the first time you leave him but once he realises he has the house to himself on a regular basis, even the best behaved kids can do something stupid. Just not worth the risk.

Wake him up and take him with you. He can go back to bed once you return.

Does he play out longer? Walk to school? Do you let him play in his room for 15 min without checking on him? Was he happy to be left? If yes, no problem. He can be trusted to leave in emergency, can operate the door, call you if needed.

I wouldn't have done it no
Yes the risk is minimal but it wasn't worth taking

But I guess everyone's different

If he has a way of calling you (eg. By phone or Alexa) and had someone else to call if you were longer than expected, and/or you have friendly neighbours where he could knock on their door…. I think it’s totally fine.

He plays out for a while with me regularly checking and he's only allowed where I can see him from the house, luckily we live in a big circle of houses that overlooks a big green and a park so he has plenty of space to play. I walk him to school because it's quite a trek

It's fine imo. At 9 I was starting to go to the shops alone.

You are not a bad mum OP. Lots will have done the same. I guess it depends on your child, his maturity, the likeliness of him getting up to no good in the time you are away. But he sounds sensible enough. FWIW if I had to choose I would sooner leave my 8 year old for 15 mins alone than my 10 year old - she is very sensible, he is a total disaster 🤣

I think for me I just won't do it again, I will revisit the idea again in a few months but I think even writing it here proves to myself I'm not convinced.

I think it's ok. You know your child.

However, why don't you make the mornings easier by dropping the baby off at 9 instead of 8 over the holidays? That way it's easier to get the 9yr old up.

I have a 9 year old too and I think it's perfectly age appropriate. My younger child is 7 and I wouldn't leave him. A lot changes around 8/9. My 9 year old now walks to the (very close) local park to play, knocks for friends down the street, goes to the local shop and regularly stays at home for periods of 15-20 minutes. He didn't do any of this a year ago.

I also wouldn't leave him while we go grocery shopping, but might reconsider in a year or two.

I would add that there is also a risk in not allocating him any sort of freedom. I teach some of these 18 year olds at university and they struggle to adapt to the most basic aspects of independent living.

When I was 10 I used to go out on a free kids travel card for the day in central London. My parents were attentive and risk-averse. At 9 I regularly walked a half mile to the local shopping centre to meet up with friends for a couple of hours, all (obviously) without a phone.

I agree that it is fine. I also agree that longer is too long. Don't talk yourself out of it. He's growing in confidence.

Totally fine! I do the same

If your child is fairly sensible, then I personally don’t think nine is too young.

On one hand, a nine-year-old could do something stupid, but on the other hand, can children learn how to be responsible if you don’t give them a bit of independence? I admit I’m still trying to work out how to get the balance right.

i am shocked at how many people think that 9 years of age is an acceptable age for being left home alone. I work in a primary school and I would not do this. If he were to disclose this at school to a staff member it would be logged as a safeguarding concern.

15 mins at age 9 is fine IMO.

I think 9 is probably the borderline age to start being left alone. Some 9 year olds are very childish still and some are more mature and responsible. 9 was when I started to consider leaving Ds for short periods (eg dog walks and nipping to shop) but the situation didn’t arise until recently, he’s now 10.5. Fine imo you know your child.

It depends on the 9 year old, but in most cases I think it's fine. I'd say 9 is a good age to start leaving them alone for short periods. It's only 2 years until they can go to/from secondary school on their own. So 15 mins here and there sounds fine to me. My children were also allowed to walk to the shop (5 mins each way with one road to cross with a traffic island) at 9, and at 10 they could walk to the library (7 mins each way). They didn't have mobile phones then but I'd taught them my mobile number and obviously they knew their address in case they needed help. Not that they ever did as they'd done both walks very many times.

Our year four kids are allowed out of school without a parent and many of them walk home alone.

I leave my nine-year-old for a few minutes sometimes. At that age it’s very much child-dependent but I feel very confident he’s well-drilled in what to do in an emergency and he’s comfortable with me nipping to the shop or whatever.

But at 10 he could be walking to school alone, which is riskier? I do understand why not everyone would be comfortable, but I don't get this degree of horror.

Depends on the child and the circumstances of course, but broadly speaking I think it's fine. It's a good first step towards some independence.

They'll always be a risk at any age. It's just a risk v reward analysis.

I'm guessing he's going into year 6 in September where they can walk home alone. He already plays out unsupervised for intervals so can't understand not leaving him for 15 minutes.

Of course YANBU A NT 9yo should be absolutely fine left alone for 15mins during the day. I'm presuming you've had a talk with him about what do do in emergency situations?
I often leave my 9yo son alone at home during the day for up to 30mins. Absolutely no point in always dragging him out.
I do despair at some parents today abd the levels of overprotection. How are these kids going to cope with life? I know parents with teens who are terrified of being in the house aline due to having had absolutely zero experience of it when younger.
I personally don't think it does kids any good to over protect them like this. It damages their confidence and de skills them. Same as not giving them household chores and not getting them involved in cooking etc
I was wandering round my town and occasionally getting the train into the city with a friend at 9yo...
It's an opportunity to teach the child how to be responsible. For most kids this is really helpful. It boosts their confidence in themselves and helps them grow independent.