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Original poster

AIBU to leave 9 year old at home for 15 minutes?

178 replies

Nicemam · 25/07/2024 21:26

Just a quick one because I did this today and now I'm questioning my decision. My son is 9 and an half and I let him stay at home alone this morning while I dropped his sister to nursery which is a 5 minute walk each way. I was gone roughly 15 minutes.

Theres only about 5 minutes of the journey where I can't see the house, and I called him when I left the nursery to come back, is he too young? He plays out and I figure he's safer in his room than outside surely?

It just seems silly to wake him up early in the summer holidays to take his sister to nursery at 8am when he could just be at home relaxing. I make sure he's awake and aware I'm going, and he knows not to open the door to anyone but me, If I'm wrong I'll accept my bad mum badge.

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Nicemam · 26/07/2024 07:37

I used to be a real cotton wool mum when he was little, I would follow him around play equipment ready to catch him, I would dress him in bright colours at soft play so I could see him easily, he had every type of safety pad on to ride his bike, and I never imagined I'd ever let him out to play, definetly never stay at home alone (obviously as a teen maybe) but when he turned 9 I just started to feel differently about it.

The first time I let him out to play was really nerve wracking but now he just says, can I go out for a bit and I'm just like yeah "yeah won't be long though, dinners on" or "yeah ok" I think 9 is the age where he's matured quite a bit. He sits and does massive jigsaws with me now, me and his dad sit at night once the little ones have gone to bed and play card games and uno. He watched titanic with me yesterday. (I skipped the drawing part 😂)

I've noticed a massive change in him this year he's not the little boy I had last year who was silly and loved squishmallows. He's into football now and has mellowed a lot. Which in some ways is a bit sad, but it happens they grow up don't they

OP posts:
ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat · 26/07/2024 07:37

If the kid is pretty sensible and doesn't mind , then it's fine.

exprecis · 26/07/2024 07:41

It seems absolutely fine to me.

I have noticed Mumsnet is really weird about home alone Vs other things. Personally I think kids are much safer at home alone than playing out so if you're happy with that, I can't see why this wouldn't be ok

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9 year olds Families
LittlePearDrop · 26/07/2024 07:42

I work in safeguarding. If we had a referral for a 9 year old left at home for 15 minutes we would roll our eyes.

Young people have a total lack of resilience and nonsense like this is why.

exprecis · 26/07/2024 07:49

Offforatwix · 26/07/2024 07:09

I had the exact same question to DH about our 9 year old and nursery run situation.

My DD is only just 9 and the only reason I wouldn't do it is societal pressure. I think she'd be fine, she knows if there is a fire to just walk out the door and go to one of our many neighbours who have DC in her school year. She knows not to go near knives and would seek appropriate help if hurt. Let's be honest, if she fell down the stairs it would probably take an ambulance 12 hours to arrive given the current state of the NHS. She knows not to answer the door (because it's always a sales person or charity begging for cash).

If I leave her she will probably get through one episode of a CBBC show. But she might also feel a bit a chuffed and get some self-esteem boosting experience that she can do things on her own.

I feel the benefits of these little moments of independence far outweigh the costs. But as I say I think we will wait a year or so and drag her on a far more dangerous car journey in case someone raises safeguarding concerns.

I feel exactly the same way - honestly I think my 8 year old would be absolutely fine at home for 15 mins, he knows what to do in an emergency and I totally trust him.

But I don't do it because I am worried about what people would think.

I have left him for 5 mins or so to pop to a neighbour for a package or similar though

Midlifecareerchange · 26/07/2024 07:52

Sadtosaythis · 25/07/2024 23:43

i am shocked at how many people think that 9 years of age is an acceptable age for being left home alone. I work in a primary school and I would not do this. If he were to disclose this at school to a staff member it would be logged as a safeguarding concern.

This would not be logged as a safeguarding concern at my school unless there was actually a safeguarding concern.

at my DC's school Y5 & 6 are allowed to walk to and from school, and it's completely normal for them to hang out for a bit on the way. Not all of them always go home to a parent in the house although I'm not aware that any are left for long

BeyondMyWits · 26/07/2024 07:54

We did leave ours at that age. And didn't really have a mobile phone at that point... Just for half an hour walking the dog or nipping out for milk... that type of thing. We live in a cul-de-sac and they knew they could go to any house.
Once there was a power cut... which they hadn't experienced before... they went to our neighbour who said there wasn't anything wrong, that it happens sometimes and that it just meant they couldn't use the telly or lights.
Crisis over.

TwigTheWonderKid · 26/07/2024 07:57

As a mum of 19 and 15 year old I think what's more of a concern is how over protected our children and young people are these days. I think this is more damaging than the potential risks associated with giving them more freedom.

If your DS is happy to be left at home and you are happy he's not likely to get the matches/knives out etc then 15 minutes alone, whilst you are near is a brilliant and totally appropriate introduction into a bit of freedom.

scrivette · 26/07/2024 08:02

I think it's absolutely fine, I would leave my 9 year old for 15 minutes and did a couple of times when he had just turned 8.

I always made sure he knew what to do if he was concerned and which neighbours to go to if required. I left him for longer than this (about 30 minutes) and called him whilst I was out to make sure he was okay.

Midlifecareerchange · 26/07/2024 08:07

Actually I'll clarify re @Sadtosaythis's post . Anyone in a school can log a safeguarding concern. It might be any small thing that's logged and the only deciding factor is that someone was concerned about a child. Whether anything is followed up is for the highly trained safeguarding leads to decide. Being left unattended for 10 mins at age 9/10 wouldn't in itself be cause for intervention but if a general picture of neglect stacks up then it might be part of that picture. Some staff log lots of small things and some don't.

AuntMarch · 26/07/2024 08:08

Sadtosaythis · 25/07/2024 23:43

i am shocked at how many people think that 9 years of age is an acceptable age for being left home alone. I work in a primary school and I would not do this. If he were to disclose this at school to a staff member it would be logged as a safeguarding concern.

He'll be going into year 5, which at most schools is when they're allowed to walk home alone.

Surely he's safer in his own bedroom for 15 minutes than he is walking home and crossing roads? How would you suggest parents build up to that?

PrincessOfPreschool · 26/07/2024 08:11

He's absolutely fine, especially if he's asleep. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Children in many countries (even Switzerland, which is pretty hot on safety) walk to school alone from 6/7 years old.

skelter83 · 26/07/2024 08:11

Absolutely fine. Don’t worry about it.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 26/07/2024 08:11

My DS has been taking himself to school and back on his bike since he was 8. Now he's 9 I've agreed he can have his own key at the start of year 5. I'm at home when he comes in but he likes the responsibility of looking after it and not having to wait for me to let him in. I leave him home alone in the day time for around 15 mins while I pop to the shop or something. However I know my kid is v sensible and we have built up to this. I don't think there is a set age where you should be doing this, it depends on the child and the circumstances.

ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat · 26/07/2024 08:12

Nicemam · 26/07/2024 07:37

I used to be a real cotton wool mum when he was little, I would follow him around play equipment ready to catch him, I would dress him in bright colours at soft play so I could see him easily, he had every type of safety pad on to ride his bike, and I never imagined I'd ever let him out to play, definetly never stay at home alone (obviously as a teen maybe) but when he turned 9 I just started to feel differently about it.

The first time I let him out to play was really nerve wracking but now he just says, can I go out for a bit and I'm just like yeah "yeah won't be long though, dinners on" or "yeah ok" I think 9 is the age where he's matured quite a bit. He sits and does massive jigsaws with me now, me and his dad sit at night once the little ones have gone to bed and play card games and uno. He watched titanic with me yesterday. (I skipped the drawing part 😂)

I've noticed a massive change in him this year he's not the little boy I had last year who was silly and loved squishmallows. He's into football now and has mellowed a lot. Which in some ways is a bit sad, but it happens they grow up don't they

I think that sadness is a big part of it. It scares the crap out of some parents so they try and keep their kids young and dependent for as long as possible.

Helpimfalling · 26/07/2024 08:16

I left my 11 and 12 year old home once.
Very sensible, by some strange coincidence (something happened in the street) the police knocked.

I was gone no more then half hour, they (police) called me to come home and filled a report with the social services and I was in trouble.

I was a teacher at the time and level headed sensible adult, with weekly checking in visits from the bloody social.

Please please be careful.

Enough4me · 26/07/2024 08:19

It was fine. You know your 9 year old far more than we do and you know he is an able child!

Suddenly at 11 children are expected to get themselves to school and it can be a shock. My DD had to get a bus with the general public and I had to take time off work to get on (but not sit with her) for a couple of days as she was anxious. How I wished I had encouraged some independence earlier in her life!

Sadtosaythis · 26/07/2024 08:20

Midlifecareerchange · 26/07/2024 08:07

Actually I'll clarify re @Sadtosaythis's post . Anyone in a school can log a safeguarding concern. It might be any small thing that's logged and the only deciding factor is that someone was concerned about a child. Whether anything is followed up is for the highly trained safeguarding leads to decide. Being left unattended for 10 mins at age 9/10 wouldn't in itself be cause for intervention but if a general picture of neglect stacks up then it might be part of that picture. Some staff log lots of small things and some don't.

it would still be logged at my school. Also, we don’t allow children to walk home from my school until they are in year six and we have a signed consent form from a parent.

Lovelynames123 · 26/07/2024 08:21

As long as the child is happy I think 9 is fine, mine were walking to the shop at that age. I think it is really important to give children a little bit of trust and responsibility, building up to longer periods, ready for when they're 11 and suddenly making their own way to secondary school.

Yozzer87 · 26/07/2024 08:24

It's subjective because it really depends on the kid. I think I started leaving my eldest home alone for about 10 minutes when he was around 10. But I have never left my now 11 year old home alone for even 5 minutes because she couldn't deal with it.

SallyWD · 26/07/2024 08:24

I did this when daughter was 9. She was really unwell and school was a 7 minute walk each way. I took her brother and she was alone at home for 15 minutes.

ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat · 26/07/2024 08:26

Sadtosaythis · 26/07/2024 08:18

They also don't think kids are safe to walk home alone between 6-12 . So I'll take that with a pinch of salt.

Corinthiana · 26/07/2024 08:27

Sadtosaythis · 25/07/2024 23:43

i am shocked at how many people think that 9 years of age is an acceptable age for being left home alone. I work in a primary school and I would not do this. If he were to disclose this at school to a staff member it would be logged as a safeguarding concern.

It's a safeguarding concern to leave a 9 year old in his own home for 15 minutes with access to a phone?!
Millions of children are at risk then.

ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat · 26/07/2024 08:28

it would still be logged at my school.

And then what happens? Nothing.

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