AIBU to leave 9 year old at home for 15 minutes?

[Nicemam]

Just a quick one because I did this today and now I'm questioning my decision. My son is 9 and an half and I let him stay at home alone this morning while I dropped his sister to nursery which is a 5 minute walk each way. I was gone roughly 15 minutes.

Theres only about 5 minutes of the journey where I can't see the house, and I called him when I left the nursery to come back, is he too young? He plays out and I figure he's safer in his room than outside surely?

It just seems silly to wake him up early in the summer holidays to take his sister to nursery at 8am when he could just be at home relaxing. I make sure he's awake and aware I'm going, and he knows not to open the door to anyone but me, If I'm wrong I'll accept my bad mum badge.

That's completely fine. They have to start having some independence at some point. Most 9yos wouldn't even look up from the tv in that time.

Completely age appropriate. I have done the same with my 9 year old!

You know your own child, but it's important to gently build up self reliance and self confidence. In his own home, for 15 minutes, with a phone, it's fine.
Mine were walking on their own to primary school at that age, and walking to various friends houses and the park. It's not long until they're in secondary, so it's good to build this up.

I wouldn't leave a 9 year old alone for hours, certainly not. But 15 minutes is nothing.
I wouldn't leave a toddler alone for 15 minutes if course but it's fine for a 9 year old.

What the …?? It’s 15 mins. How utterly pathetic.

Our school encourages 9yo to start walking home

@Sadtosaythis no it wouldn't 😆

From year 4 children are allowed to leave our primary school on their own so 15 minutes in your own home seems reasonable.

You know your own child and area, my DD was left alone for short periods at that age but there were a couple of neighbours she could go to in case of emergency.

(And I work in a primary school and we would not log this as a safeguarding concern! And if we tried, we would get laughed yet! And probably reminded what safeguarding is and when to use it!)

Depends on the child. Most 9 year olds would be absolutely fine, a few not.
Also area, neighbours etc will play a factor. If it’s safe enough for him to play out it sounds like it’s a safe enough area?
He can call you if he needs to, does he know how to get out if he needed to, does he know not to piss about climbing stuff etc?
I would carry on, it’s a good introduction to be being left and having some responsibility and independence. By this time next year you may be able to leave him for that food shop.

It can be. Any staff member in a school can log a safeguarding concern, no matter how trivial. It's just filling up a form and handing it to the DSL/DSP. Then it's them who decide what to do with it which can vary from filing it to informing appropriate agencies depending on the severity.

It's fine!

I remember my childhood. No one cared about 9 yo children in the holidays.
We had a great time.

It might not be wise in 2024 but we need to stop babysitting every step of childrens' lives.

Yanbu.

I think it's fine to leave a 9 year old for 15 mins as long as he's sensible. You know your own child best. The risk of anything happening is minimal.

The NSPCC guidance is so poorly written.

It seems to think primary age children are between 6 and 12, when clearly 11 year olds are in secondary.. and 5 year olds are in primary.

Then there's all sorts of woolly language like "particularly for longer periods of time" - what's that? An hour? A day?

It flies in the face of accepted practice - claims even 11-12 year olds are usually too young to walk home from school alone when every secondary school in the country allows it.

I know - as all parents do - that every child is different and it's impossible to have hard and fast rules but their guidance is just so poorly written that they might as well not bother

Utter bollocks.

DS is nine. Just finished yr4. They are allowed to walk home by themselves from summer term in yr4 though they don't encourage it until yr5.

DS is the eldest in the year. The year fives have been walking home since September. Some of them are two or three months older than DS. DS regularly does activities with them outside of school.

We've talked with DS about leaving him for short periods. He's very sensible and articulate and has access to a phone when we do leave him.

We have a number of friends who live within 50m of us, and he knows well (to the point that we've spent Christmas day with them before). One is a primary teacher and she's well aware that we've left him for short periods.

Would I leave him with a younger sibling? Absolutely not. And possibly not with an older sibling either.

Would I think that every kid in his class was ready for the same? Absolutely not. It is borderline age.

But it is about the point where you do need to start thinking about how and when you give them that independence.

He will be walking to high school by himself in two years and being responsible for all his things at high school in two years. We need to build a practical plan on how to get to that point. How can we do that transition without it being more of a shock and more difficult for him.

I think we baby kids too much now. I think back to childhood and how we played out and how kids don't have that anymore.

It sets them up as not taking responsibility and not learning independence. It's not good.

As a previous poster indicated it would not be investigated in isolation. We would still be expected to log this. Sorry if you all don’t agree with it but that’s the expectation where I am employed.

I have encountered hundreds of 9 year olds in my career, of course they all mature at varying levels. For me personally, 9 is not appropriate. I did not leave mine but that was my choice as it is yours.

Only an absolute jobsworth would log this as safeguarding concern😂

honestly it’s no wonder so many teens and young adults are absolutely incapable of any responsibility or looking after themselves.

Tell me about the risks.

A 9 year old now will be going into year 5 in September. Many will be starting to walk themselves home a short distance in a few months and in another year probably 50-75% of their class will be walking home solo most days and building up independence. Social services would not bat an eyelid at a 9 year old left at home for 15 mins unless there were additional needs.
Its the family home and the child has a way to contact mum who is just minutes away. What exactly do you think is going to happen?
Too many people are not allowing children to go through the process of building independence and im sure its one reason so many teens now are experiencing crippling anxiety.
Its important kids build up to independence in a gradual way starting with these brief instances, 15 mins left home alone, being permitted to walk up the road to the postbox alone etc. Otherwise they start secondary school and suddenly have to potentially negotiate a public bus and walk to school, much longer periods alone.
OP 15 minutes is absolutely fine.

@exprecis I agree.

Absolutely. I'd also worry that if the system is clogged up with trivia like this, it's more likely that serious cases of abuse will be missed.

You’ve got to start somewhere because by 11 they need to get to school by themselves. If this made you feel uncomfortable perhaps wait a bit longer but it needs to be a gradual teaching of independence and that will probably involve someone feeling a bit out of their comfort zone. We don’t do our kids any favours if they aren’t given space to become independent or know what it feels like to be by themselves.

I dont actually believe you work in a school because if you had real experience of 9 year olds I'd be amazed if you thought this.
By age 11 many secondary schools actuly stipulate they EXPECT pupils to get themselves to school independently - not just thats its permitted, but that they actively expect /encourage them to be doing so, because its developmentally important. For some kids that might be 2 connecting buses to a school a distance away. How is an 11 year old going to be ready for that if at 9 they weren't trusted to be in the safety of their family home, for just 15 minutes, alone?!

So the younger kids in the year above have theoretically been walking home as permitted and encouraged by the school since they were younger than your child is now. Walking home - with all the hazards of roads etc as opposed to 15 mins in front of the TV at home.

Think about that.

What's your transition plan to high school in terms of building independence and resilience for that?

Think about that.

If you aren't going to leave him at home for 15 mins now, when are you going to start doing that? How steep do you want that learning curve of independence from now to high school to be?

Have you talked to him about this? Yes seriously. How does he feel about it? Guage his feelings.

Seriously we expect schools to teach our kids and build up their skill by having a plan for education. We as parents also need plans for development for issues like this relating to independence and to think about age appropriate experience and expectations.

I find it mind boogling that there are parents here who are horrified at the concept and call it a safeguarding issue. No it's not. It's not necessarily the right time for every child but you should be considering and planning for when is by the end of yr4.

That cottonwool is going to be stripped off them in two years time. Prepare them for it.

If that was an expectation at my kids school the staff would have time for nothing else. Probably be faster to log which kids weren't being left alone.