AIBU to leave 9 year old at home for 15 minutes?

[Nicemam]

Just a quick one because I did this today and now I'm questioning my decision. My son is 9 and an half and I let him stay at home alone this morning while I dropped his sister to nursery which is a 5 minute walk each way. I was gone roughly 15 minutes.

Theres only about 5 minutes of the journey where I can't see the house, and I called him when I left the nursery to come back, is he too young? He plays out and I figure he's safer in his room than outside surely?

It just seems silly to wake him up early in the summer holidays to take his sister to nursery at 8am when he could just be at home relaxing. I make sure he's awake and aware I'm going, and he knows not to open the door to anyone but me, If I'm wrong I'll accept my bad mum badge.

Rubbish

It drives me mad that the police will do this kind of thing – presumably because it's an easy win that makes them look good on paper – while failing to solve burglaries, stop dangerous parking, prosecute rapists, et cetera.

If you read my comments I’ve literally just given my opinion and experience the same as everybody else.@Laundryliar Of course I work in a school and I’m also a Mum to children of varying ages.

Just giving my opinion…..

In lockdown I had the choice of leaving my kids in the car in the supermarket carpark, or at home while I did the shopping (no children in the supermarket, no deliveries).

So they stayed home, and I kept a call open with them - they were 7 and 10.

Then when school went back, they went back a year group at a time, so my eldest had the choice of turfing out at 7:30 to take youngest to school, or stay home (with me on the phone again) - he came with us sometimes, stayed home others.

By now, at 13 and 11, they're both happy to be left home for an hour while I take the other somewhere - it's been a progression. I don't see an issue with it - they actually have less independence than I did at their ages as we live in the countryside, so there's no-where for them to go unless I take them there.

Why do you think it's a safeguarding concern to be logged - genuinely?

I don't actually believe this happened. The police would not be concerned at two secondary age children alone at home unless they thought theyd been alone overnight.
If you got reported for 11 and 12 year olds being alone at home every year 7/8 parent up and down the country would be reported!

Absolutely. I'd also worry that if the system is clogged up with trivia like this, it's more likely that serious cases of abuse will be missed.

In reality it isn't. Sadly the clogging up is made by 99% serious concerns and still not enough funding or staff to deal with them.

Even if PP fills in her little form and passes it on, with no other (serious) concerns all that happens is that the DSP reads it and files it in the child's file. No DSP would actually take that one incident of 15 mins home alone any further. Still a waste of time and paper though.

Seriously? For 15 minutes? I think this is absolutely fine and I work in a school too. My son was walking to and from school and going to the park alone at that age.

I don't understand this

11 and 12 are high school age

I thought that was ok to leave them home then?

High school kids.

Bahahaha! Seriously?!

Christ almighty.

Best report the local high school for allowing hundreds of kids to leave the premises without their parents.

Sometimes there are posts on MN which needs to be seriously questioned. This is one.

There's no way the police would file a report of this nature unless it was late at night or the kids were up to no good.

Otherwise this post is nonsense.

I have a 9 year old (just turned 9 to be fair) and I wouldn't do it. I don't actually believe any harm would come to him at home, but it's more that if something happened to me while I was out. I know rationally that's very unlikely - I've never been hit by a bus or had an out of the blue medical event ever in my life, but you just never know. That said my son doesn't 'play out' with friends in the street either, he has a younger brother and they are very close so tend to play in the garden together and it's just never been something he's asked to do.

My plan is to start loosening the reigns as he turns 10, I am overprotective and know that he will need to get used to it for high school. We're in Scotland so he won't actually go to high school until he's 12 anyway.

It's perfectly fine. Many children of that age go home on their own and are there, unsupervised for a short amount of time.

10 was the right age for us too. 10 and a half she started walking to the little shop by herself and back. (Much safer and nearer than school). We've not progressed further yet but we will do but I'm happy with the time we're doing it personally

I thougt Social Service 2024 had no funding compare to the need.
If office time is spend on supervision of 11/12 yo for weeks left alone 1-2 hours at home might change my wiev on Social Service.

The law doesn't state at what age it's OK to leave children alone at home, so social care would consider the circumstances if they received a complaint.

If you are happy that he is fine with it OP, then what you did was perfectly reasonable. The chance of anything adverse happening is miniscule. I'd prep him though - e.g. don't answer the door, don't turn on the hob or use the microwave - whatever hazards you think there might be.

I left my then 9 year old once for 20 minutes to return some library books due back. They were then not the kind of child to be trusted particularly - too impulsive - but they were unwell and I knew they would just stay quietly watching tv.

If you are happy that he is fine with it OP, then what you did was perfectly reasonable. The chance of anything adverse happening is miniscule. I'd prep him though - e.g. don't answer the door, don't turn on the hob or use the microwave - whatever hazards you think there might be.

Yes, not answering the door is important - I remember my parents instilling that in us all the time. Also not to repeat the phone number when you answered the phone, as for some reason people did that in those days!

The difference these days is that your child can instantly reach you if they're worried about anything.

What if something happens to you at home? Does he know what to do?

Exactly - mine are drilled on not opening the door, there's no home phone to answer anyway (but yes, we were always told to just say 'hello' - not that that helped when I got a heavy breather once), no cooking (actually that one's relaxed), and to call me, or in a big emergency run over the lane to the neighbours (any of the neighbours, they would all help if needed)

I always told my son to go to one of two neighbour's houses when I left him alone if there was an emergency. People he was already used to socialising with.

I started leaving my DD home alone for 10-15 minutes when she was 8.5. She had a list of rules (which I made her recite to me every time):

• no answering the door or looking through the window if the bell rang
• no cooking
• no gymnastics
• if I wasn't back by the time I said, phone me on her echo
• if she phoned twice and I didn't answer or she felt worried at all, go to one of our neighbours houses (we're friends with all the neighbours)

Now she's 9.5, we leave her up to half an hour but only if we're not going far. Tbh, if we do leave her, I let her watch TV and she doesn't move the whole time we're gone!

The guidelines are not really here nor there and it does leave parents without any real guidance which I think is where the problem lies.

My children were all very different at nine, my eldest was way more mature than the others at that age.

If they are left alone and they injured themselves (which I agree is highly unlikely in the majority of cases), then would you feel happy disclosing to A&E that they had been left alone at 9 years of age at the time of the injury?

I reported a 9 yr old being left on their own at home for a school INSET. Both parents had to work and they made sure he could contact them on a messaging app on his iPad. Child was absolutely fine about this, he wasn't worried. We made sure he knew he could come to school as well if there was an issue and it went no further.

It's hard, my own 9 yr old would not be able to do this (his ASD stops him from playing in his room by himslef and he has mild separation anxiety) but he is trying out little things. He stays in the park we have to pass by when I go to the infant school to collect his brother. He walks alternative routes home for a section so he's not always with us. He has gone down to the post box at the end of the road (I do trust him when crossing roads). We are building up short steps towards this. It sounds like you are making it short steps. 5 mins walk, you phone to check in on him then 5 mins walk. If he is fine with it and has a way of contacting you then I don't see the problem.

Children at any age vary hugely. If you feel your child can cope at 9 and can be relied upon to be sensible, that's fine. I teach that age group and many would be OK, others not. Asking MN is reasonable to get a rough idea of what others think, but you'll always get extreme views, maybe some based on experience of parenting a very different type of 9 year old to yours, others maybe just be here to wind OP or others up, or be very over anxious parents themselves.

I think it's sad that what OP has taken from this is not to leave him alone for a short time again. Children do need to practice independence, in small steps. OP already lets him out to play with others, which is more risky potentially, than being safely at home alone.

We have had similar lists which have had to be amended and varied at times. As well as the standard items we now include:

• no baking cakes
• no whittling
• no running a bath
• no parkour

9-13 year olds keep finding ways to test me

🤣

I think it depends on the child.

My older two - no. My younger one - yes, fine.