AIBU to leave 9 year old at home for 15 minutes?

[Nicemam]

Just a quick one because I did this today and now I'm questioning my decision. My son is 9 and an half and I let him stay at home alone this morning while I dropped his sister to nursery which is a 5 minute walk each way. I was gone roughly 15 minutes.

Theres only about 5 minutes of the journey where I can't see the house, and I called him when I left the nursery to come back, is he too young? He plays out and I figure he's safer in his room than outside surely?

It just seems silly to wake him up early in the summer holidays to take his sister to nursery at 8am when he could just be at home relaxing. I make sure he's awake and aware I'm going, and he knows not to open the door to anyone but me, If I'm wrong I'll accept my bad mum badge.

I think 9 is the age it starts to be something to consider, depending on the child. Dd has been staying home while I drive 10 minutes each way to drop ds at an activity. In the beginning, we did the whole thing while dropped in on Alexa to chat. Now we don’t bother.

I would leave my 9yr old for short periods of under an hour. He has a phone and knows what to do in an emergency, not to answer the door etc. He has an older brother but he's not always here. Most of the time he doesn't move from the spot I left him in playing his playstation.

It's good to start building independence slowly, that 15 mins can gradually be increased as you and him both get more comfortable with it.

I completely agree! I'm shocked by how many people do this with primary aged children

I also work in a school and a NT nine year old being left at home for fifteen minutes would def not count as a safe guarding concern.

@Sadtosaythis - our Junior school let 9 year olds walk home from school and after school clubs on their own with parents consent so not sure on the safeguarding argument there.

It’s completely fine, or course it is. I used to pop to shops when oldest was 9, and he was playing out on our street from 8 anyway, and I’m way overprotective (or at least I thought I was…!)
It wouldn’t have even occurred to me to phone. We knew our neighbours and he knew how to call 999.
Kids learn independence gradually. It’s not like they turn 16 or 18 and suddenly become capable.

Seems fine to me, as long as the child is ok with it. I started leaving my DC alone at home for short periods at 8 and at 9 they started running small errands (going to shop etc).

It's fine but if you're uncomfortable with it then don't do it again for awhile. My ds1 is 9 and I plan on starting to leave him for short periods quite soon. 15 minutes is a good way to start.

He is going into y5 in September where they can supposedly walk home alone. I'm much happier with him staying at home alone for 15 minutes - where I can contact him on the house phone at any point - than him walking 20 minutes alone to school with no way of contacting me.

This baffles me! In perhaps less than a year (in most schools) the children will be permitted, even encouraged, to walk to school independently. At what point does leaving a child unattended for 10-15 minutes become unreasonable preparation for them to be walking (& even crossing roads 😱 the horror!) to school without parental supervision?

It saddens me that we are putting such little faith in our young people & it's becoming increasingly apparent that most children & young people are not being sufficiently prepared in becoming young adults who are capable of completing basic tasks such as sweeping & mopping floors & emptying bins! (I work in in fast food & we regularly employ young people who have to be shown how to do tasks such as emptying bins etc as they've never had to do it themselves!)

Don't get me wrong! I'm not suggesting for a minute that 9 year olds should be left for extended periods to fend for themselves but surely, at some point we need to recognise that we can help them to take steps towards independence & doing things for themselves.

If he's fine with it, in bed/watching TV and knows what to doing an emergency then don't take this small piece of independence away from him as he will think you don't trust him.

It's fine. He was in the safety and security of his own home. On MN everyone worries about random house fires, but in a balanced risk assessment, it is infinitesimally small. And actually more likely that there could be a car accident while out with you.
In many other countries by 9.5 they are walking to school alone, crossing roads and generally getting on with life. I would hazard a guess that outside the weird world of MN, most 9.5 year olds in the UK are doing the same.

It is fine.

It’s a healthy gateway to giving them some independence, which is rapidly incoming over the next couple of years.

Infantilising children is not helpful for them.

He will be 10 in January, so going in year 5 in September. Where we live year 5 is when they can walk to school alone. Although he won't be doing that as it's 40 minutes each way

We’ve been leaving DS for up to 30 minutes to go to the shops since he was 9. He likes the independence.

I think this sounds completely age appropriate. I have two of my own children, and I work in a children's safeguarding team. I'm surprised at the teacher who seems so shocked given most children this age would be playing out unsupervised, starting to walk to and from school etc.

My 9 year old has just finished year 5. She has been walking to school alone all year (school encourage it from y5) and the school said that they were happy for her to take her y2 brother home if I wanted them to (I didn't). Our school wouldn't raise 15 minutes home alone a safeguarding risk. Surely it's child dependent?

Sounds fine to me. Perfect age to start giving them some independence. If you wait until they are older they can get anxious about being left/out alone.

I can't quite believe the number of people who think it's unreasonable to leave a 9 year old. My son caught the tube to school at that age. Kids benefit from being given a bit of responsibility and freedom.

That sounds absolutely fine so long as you think he's sensible, and I'm very anxious about safety! To be honest I know an 8 year old who would be fine to be left at home briefly.

Our school let Y5 walk home alone from Easter, which is only a few months away. I can't believe anyone would consider it a safeguarding concern - that poster must be winding you up.

I had the exact same question to DH about our 9 year old and nursery run situation.

My DD is only just 9 and the only reason I wouldn't do it is societal pressure. I think she'd be fine, she knows if there is a fire to just walk out the door and go to one of our many neighbours who have DC in her school year. She knows not to go near knives and would seek appropriate help if hurt. Let's be honest, if she fell down the stairs it would probably take an ambulance 12 hours to arrive given the current state of the NHS. She knows not to answer the door (because it's always a sales person or charity begging for cash).

If I leave her she will probably get through one episode of a CBBC show. But she might also feel a bit a chuffed and get some self-esteem boosting experience that she can do things on her own.

I feel the benefits of these little moments of independence far outweigh the costs. But as I say I think we will wait a year or so and drag her on a far more dangerous car journey in case someone raises safeguarding concerns.

Fucking hell, at 9???? For 15 minutes? Jeez

@Nicemam

it's fine. He's 9, & more than happy to be left.
he knows not to answer the door. Just make sure he knows if there's a fire (which MN IS OBSESSED with) just to get out & go to a neighbour, not to try to put it out.

tell him the night before & leave him sleeping, no need to wake the kid up! He'll probably still be asleep when you get home!!

Dont deny him the opportunity to gain a bit of independence because of some cotton wool wrappers on MN.

It's fine, we started from 8.

At 9, they are only two years off walking or cycling or catching public transport to and from school and likely being home alone for two hours afterwards. I wouldn't want to want to wait longer to start making steps towards independence.

I was thinking this. I'm sure our primary lets Yr 5 walk alone.

Look around the world - the uk ( and England in particular) really babies children - and it's a relatively new thing

There is no evidence that as a result our children are safer than say German or Finnish children, no evidence that they develop better as a result

Sone children would be fine left age 7 and sone would need to be older but it sounds like you know your child is ready