AIBU to leave 9 year old at home for 15 minutes?

[Nicemam]

Just a quick one because I did this today and now I'm questioning my decision. My son is 9 and an half and I let him stay at home alone this morning while I dropped his sister to nursery which is a 5 minute walk each way. I was gone roughly 15 minutes.

Theres only about 5 minutes of the journey where I can't see the house, and I called him when I left the nursery to come back, is he too young? He plays out and I figure he's safer in his room than outside surely?

It just seems silly to wake him up early in the summer holidays to take his sister to nursery at 8am when he could just be at home relaxing. I make sure he's awake and aware I'm going, and he knows not to open the door to anyone but me, If I'm wrong I'll accept my bad mum badge.

I think in this country we’re becoming too risk-averse. At six, I was playing out in the street or a neighbouring green space with other neighbourhood kids and couldn’t always be seen from the house. At nine or ten I was walking to school with a younger friend. At 12 I was left at home for a few hours - in charge of my four-year-old sister!

I think my generation had about the right amount of independence. My parents’ generation, on the other hand, had too much! I wouldn’t dream of sending my child out to roam unsupervised until teatime or make them walk unaccompanied down a mile of country lanes to the school bus stop from the age of four (my poor dad!).

What is the matter with people today? I'm not advocating for children to be sent down mines or up chimneys, but most youngsters can be left safely at home for an hour or two. They are more likely to be damaged by internet predators than the house caching on fire.

I think some posters would argue they would be safer down the mine or up a chimney because they would be supervised at least.

Sounds fine to me. It’s good to start in little increments like 15 mins to build it up and give them some independence. Year 5 in September so really can’t see why he couldn’t be left for 15 min especially when on phone to you and you could see house. My daughter is almost 9. I have left her for 5 mins while I picked up my son. When she’s 9 I will happily up it to 15 mins. When she’s ten it’ll go up again. I think it’s good to gradually build up their independence. She plays out all the time and I can’t always see where she is but she knows where she is allowed to play so I can always find her

I think we are particularly bad in this country for wrapping up in cotton wool.

If you look at what kids in the rest of Europe do, at what age and what is considered normal we are in danger of creating a problem for our kids in terms of ability to cope.

We aren't teaching life skills. We aren't giving responsibility to kids. We are telling them they are incapable.

A lesson from Scouts. If you give a kid who is often an issue a responsibility, they can go one of two ways. They can screw it up and they won't be trusted with things again. Or they can rise to the challenge. It's rare that they won't leap at the chance because they tend not to be given responsibility. You start by doing it in a managed environment.

We are increasingly risk averse - mainly because of the increasingly Americanised blame culture we are creating. It's not in our kids interests.

@Sadtosaythis sorry I've been at the library I didn't realise how many people have taken your comment in a negative way, I appreciate your input Thankyou

I didn't lock him in when I went, I asked him to put the chain on the door, so he was safe, but in an emergency he could get out still. Well when I called he was like how long are you going to be? I said I'll be 5 minutes is everything ok? (Panicking a bit) He said yeah I just can't be bothered waiting ages to come take the chain off for you 😭😭

My 9 year old goes to the library by himself on his bike about 5 mins away, goes to the shop to get me milk etc, i’d leave him home alone for 20 ish mins when dropping other child to an activity. Not all 9 year olds are the same but mine is so capable

You were quite right to leave him, and as pp have said, gradually increase the time and build up his independence.

Glad to see common sense has prevailed on this thread and that other teachers have also confirmed it isn't a safeguarding red flag!

We infantilise and mollycoddle children far too much in some parts of the UK these days. I think it's because there's so much social media, news stations etc and so we all know the very worst that can happen whereas years ago we would have done things without thinking about them.

When I was 9 I started being allowed to walk to our local shops to get some sweets from Woolworths. I did my Christmas shopping there for presents for my parents and brother that year. Probably out of the house by myself for up to half an hour. No mobiles and this was early 90s so there were lots of cars on the roads. But I was sensible and my mum knew I'd get myself there and back safely. At the same age I was helping at the local Church's summer fair with the Brownies. At the same time my mum was helping at my primary school's summer fair. I had to get myself to the church hall, help sell cakes on the stall, then get myself to the school afterwards. These days kids would have to be signed in and out and questions would be raised if they weren't brought and picked up by a parent.

I do think that because of all this mollycoddling we're raising a generation of self centred adults. They're so used to being fussed over that they find it hard to put others first. I took my 16 year old to London recently and we went on several Tube trains. He fully expected to be able to take and stay in any available seat and was most annoyed when I made him let older people take them over him. Huffing and puffing about how he needed to sit down. When I was his age I always let adults sit down without a second thought. I was quite disappointed in him, and me, for his self centred attitude!

So yes, in answer to your question, I think it's fine for a 9 year old to stay at home for 15 minutes by himself.

I think in this country we’re becoming too risk-averse. At six, I was playing out in the street or a neighbouring green space with other neighbourhood kids and couldn’t always be seen from the house. At nine or ten I was walking to school with a younger friend. At 12 I was left at home for a few hours - in charge of my four-year-old sister!

All of this happens where I live in Scotland apart from leaving 4 year olds alone with 12 years.

Kids play out from age 5/6
Kids walk, bus to and from school from P1 (if routes are suitable). Its only England that has rules about Year 6 (or whatever it is) in Scotland schools don't interfere in parenting decisions.
My 12 year old can stay at home for a number of hours and takes the bus to go into town, the cinema, swimming etc.

Not everything is America's fault. Rightly , or wrongly, american kids tend to be a lot more free range than English kids.

15 minutes at that age is fine. That's the age I started leaving mine for that length of time. An hour by 11 and by 13 they sometimes had to stay home for several hours.

Of course its fine, he's 9, not a toddler!
9 is the age in my country when children can't go to after-school (or breakfast club) care in schools any more (exceptions made for children with SEN) so they are not only considered old enough to be home alone for a bit, they are expected to be.

I don’t think you’re a bad mum at all. I probably wouldn’t do it as my child would not know how to cope if something happened. If you do, do it it is worth giving them a phone with the next door neighbour’s number on speed dial. Also give them an alarm that they can hold in their hand. You can get them on Amazon.

Interesting that most commenters think it’s ok. What if there is a fire or a break in.

Then the child can get help, by using the phone, or running to the neighbour..

Interesting that most commenters think it’s ok. What if there is a fire or a break in.

Then the child runs out of the house and bangs on a few doors…

And also, my house has never been broken into. It’s unlikely to happen in the short amount of time my 9 year old is by himself.
He is much more likely to die in a car crash but I still drive him places.

Not really likey is it? Hasn't happened in the last 9 years, it's not going to happen in the next 15 mins. But if it did we've got lots of neighbors who are usually home, inside and outside cameras and he can tell Alexa to call 999. It's a level of risk I'd be ok taking.

Yeah this is it, isn't it? From a risk assessment perspective, I can look at the last 9 years of his life when no fire has broken out and nobody has broken in and be comfortable it won't happen in the half hour I go to the corner shop. Even lower risk is knowing that my kid knows how to call 999 and that the house is secure and it's the middle of the day!

Yes, I think the risk of fire is minimal, especially if you don't allow him to have the cooker on. A break in would depend on your neighbourhood, but less likely in the daytime and when the house is obviously occupied. Anyway, it's still a good idea to help him by leaving him alone for short periods of time.

I thought of Mumsnet the other day when I read this article.

Obviously we can't suddenly spring this way of living on kids brought up unused to it, and yes I do know Norway isn't the UK, but I do think it sounds a much better strategy to aim for than 'the Mumsnet way' (I don't mean OP. who sounds sensible, but the ones who crowd in on every topic like this going 'ohhhhh noooooo not until he's at least 15! I'd report this as a safeguarding concern if I spied someone doing it, oh yes I would!')

"In Norway, children walk to school aged six, or even travel across the country – and no one bats an eyelid. Why do these kids have so much independence, while other countries are so risk-averse?

It’s 1.30pm. Nila and Arion arrive home after finishing school for the day. They let themselves in, make some food, then sit down to do homework, or practise piano, or do the housework they’ve been asked to do. Their parents won’t be home for a few hours yet. The children sometimes go out with friends to play in the street or wander the fields. The only real rule is no screen time unless everything else has been taken care of.
So far, so normal, perhaps, except the sister and brother are just 10 and eight, and they’ve been living this kind of unsupervised mini-adult life for years.

They live in Stavanger, on the south-west coast of Norway. Like all of their friends, they’ve been walking to and from school alone since they first attended at the age of six. They were given their own set of house keys soon after. This is the parenting way in Norway – it’s decidedly free-range, with an emphasis on independence, self-determination and responsibility, with a dash of outdoor fun thrown in for good measure...."

How to be a Norwegian parent: let your kids roam free, stay home alone, have fun – and fail

Even if you thoroughly disagree, it makes for an interesting read I thought.

Shocking - a 9 year old child is far too young to catch the tube on their own!