AIBU to leave 9 year old at home for 15 minutes?

[Nicemam]

Just a quick one because I did this today and now I'm questioning my decision. My son is 9 and an half and I let him stay at home alone this morning while I dropped his sister to nursery which is a 5 minute walk each way. I was gone roughly 15 minutes.

Theres only about 5 minutes of the journey where I can't see the house, and I called him when I left the nursery to come back, is he too young? He plays out and I figure he's safer in his room than outside surely?

It just seems silly to wake him up early in the summer holidays to take his sister to nursery at 8am when he could just be at home relaxing. I make sure he's awake and aware I'm going, and he knows not to open the door to anyone but me, If I'm wrong I'll accept my bad mum badge.

What makes them too young? What age is not?

Exactly! People saying they can trust their kids and that they are old enough to be left alone but kids that age don't know what to do in an emergency

They do if they have been taught. A 13 year old who hasn't been taught might not know either.

15 minutes is the time it takes to go for a shower. It’s fine. (I’d leave one child alone that length of time but not two or more)

Then you have to tell them. You help them to get that level of resilience and independence. In all honesty, 15 mins for the average 9 year old, during the day, and with a phone should really be ok.

This also. I'm probably out of earshot longer washing my hair or hanging the washing on the line.

I also work on a primary school and this is so far below the bar for concern, you can't even see the bar! A totally normal thing to do, as is dc this age and younger walking to school alone or popping to the shop as an errand

@Mybusyday how do you know they don't?

I've been telling my kid what to do in an emergency since she was 3! Mostly in case anything happened to me (either inside or outside ). This is basic parenting .

I agree. You start to tell them long before 9!

Yes, just things you teach them. Who to go to for help, how to call 999, where the stopcock is and how to turn it off if physically able (I had a lever put on mine so even a two year old could turn it off). It's just routine stuff.

Shocking - a 9 year old child is far too young to catch the tube on their own!

It may not be everyone's choice but it's not shocking. I dropped him off at the station, it was two stops on the tube and a walk through a private (gated) estate to school. The only real risk was crossing the road but there's speed bumps and a 20mph limit.

In my parents' day, there were no phones or location trackers so it was far more of a leap of faith. It's my job to teach my kids how to use their common sense and become more independent. Catching the tube at 9 isn't atypical in my area and it's a lot more environmentally friendly than 50 odd cars taking their little darlings door to door and sitting in long traffic jams.

It's not shocking using the tube at 9, it's actually very safe.

You can say 'what if' until the cows come home. What if a fire breaks out in the middle of the night and you are asleep. What if your child slips from the monkey bars and falls and breaks their wrist badly while you are sat watching. What if a gunman climbs into your childs school playground and opens fire. Do you not send them to sch, just in case?
No, as a rational adult you assess the likelihood of it happening, and you put mitigations in place.
You conclude that in 15 mins the chance of break in is extremely low, plus you perhaps install a ring doorbell and lock the front door/put the chain on, in case.
You tell the child no using cooker/heating appliances while you're out, whilst also noting you've not had a fire in their 9 year life to date despite accidentally leaving straighteners on a couple of times plus burning a few cakes in the oven!
And you recognise that building crucial independence gradually is actually very important to a childs development, and that this tiny, minimal risk is worth it for the benefit that confidence and independence bring!

What if they're is a fire or break in when they are 12? 15? When does it become safe to deal with a house fire or a burglar?

You would have to hope by 9 they'd do what they'd do at 15. Run out of the house as quickly as possible and get help.

kids that age don't know what to do in an emergency

Then you teach them

We teach this to Beavers at age 6

DS has done 'what to do in an emergency' at school when age 5. Then again age 6 or 7. Then at Beavers when 6 or 7. Then at Cubs. Plus we've done it at home.

He's 9. He's been on camp with DH with Scouts before and has coped better than some of the 11 year olds, who frankly, needed their own backsides wiped.

Honestly, if a 9 year old doesn't know what to do in a emergency, you haven't been parenting. What happens if you are home with your child and you have a medical incident? Thats far more likely that a fire or a break in. Yet where is your risk assessment for this? It ridiculous none sensical logic to use this as an argument by age 9. If they don't know how to do this, why aren't you teaching them? SEN issues aside.

I'm serious, if you have a nine year old what is your plan for independence training for high school. You should have an idea. Otherwise you aren't parenting.

@RedToothBrush I completely agree. My biggest worry was something happening to me while she was really little (especially outside) or something inside , especially since OH worked away during the week for years. Much more likely than being robbed for the first time ever exactly the one time she's been left alone. Or spontaneous combustion.

So we did drills and had chats and I showed her what to do and who to call and where to go and had plan a,b,c since she was little. By the time she WAS old enough to be left alone she knew exactly what to do .

If kids don't by 9, that's actually a bigger safeguarding risk than leaving them home alone for 15 minutes, at the other end of a phone call.

They can go home alone from year 5 at our school (London)- some of those kids are just 9. No one would be logging it as a safeguarding concern my goodness.

Even with SEN my 10yo knows what to do, how to act if there is a fire etc. If your kid can't do that (and of course no one knows if it's worked until it's tested) what have you been doing?!

(Also in most areas you can get the fire service out for a chat too).

As long as he is happy to be left then I think it’s fine. The important thing for me when I do that are thinking through the worst case scenario of what they would do if I don’t come home as planned because, for example, I got hit by a bus. I’d never feel comfortable leaving my child for even the shortest of times if they would not know what to do if I didn’t come home when I said I would or if something happened. And I always let my DH know that the child is home alone and let them know as soon as I get home. So that another trusted adult has it on their radar that the child is home and whether I’ve got back when I said I would.

They don't know if they haven't been taught but surely most parents teach their children what to do in emergencies, starting from an early age. My daughter has also been learning what to do when there's a fire every year in school since preschool.

That's similar to how it is in Finland, where I live. My youngest is 6 and I was chatting with another mum with a same age child the other day, about how nice it is that they're getting to this age where they can be more independent, and can play with their friends without constant supervision now (our children were running wild playing hide and seek with some other friends)

Sounds fine and age appropriate to me. I would be doing the same with my 9 year old except that we have an elderly cat who I don't think she should have to deal with if he needs medical attention or makes a mess.

I really don’t understand this. Why is 9 too young to catch tube on own? Lots of 9 year olds travel to school on own, dc in London will be well used to getting tube. It’s a safe time of day cause busy. Lots of dc that age do it, esp those in private schools which might be a be further from home than state school. It’s not uncommon to see, usually the kids are kids are in groups.

It's really a personal decision

I've left my 10 year old at night when my dh working away and 16 year old needs fetching from work at 11pm .

It's not ideal but I figure my 10 year old is safer at home in bed than my 16 year old alone in a taxi .

I've talked with both my children about what to do in an emergency including how to get out of house and where to go , who to call etc