I am sitting in with Shiney and her plumber has just texted her to say

[BitOfFun]

...from "Hello, hope you're well, if i don't see you beforehand, hope you have a nice Christmas"

after a brief comment along the lines of "You'll be pleased to know my plumbing is in full working order" (possibly with my evil encouragement...), he has now replied saying

" I want to kiss with tongues. I want to kiss, stroke, lick and suck boobs and nipples. I want to gently stroke the inside of thighs." There is more, but I'm sure you can imagine...

What?!

Any thighs and nipples? Not hers in particular then? I am hoping she will send back "I want to suck penises"...do you dare us?

text him that your mates in the pub are loving it, then he won't know u are at home?

lol, I wonder if the poor bloke knows he is entertaining thenation MN and the nest of vipers and not just Shiney

bless him - now someone stop me but am thinking it would be too cruel to text us all his number so we could all message him and blow his wee mind?!!?

If the phone rings and there's no one there...

If a window is open, but it was shut earlier...

I the burglar alarm goes off, but it was never turned on...

Check your arse.

If it feels a little stretched, then you have been visited by...

THE PLUMBER!

I have given various pumbers LOTS of cups of tea over the years and 2 house conversions and have never ever received any kind of Christmas wish ... never mind this!

mental note, no more offers of tea to tradesmen.....

ah well there you go, poor bloke, imagine leading him on like that with the cuppa EVERYONE knows that's code for 'I want you to shag me now'

bless shiney - still so naive

Do you think the Mail would run a piece on the Randy Plumber Of Middle England?

especially if your name is mrs backup!!!!

Rofl, yes, watch out for the dramatic music.

Or the lights going out

What on earth would one reply to that, as a lady?

My dishwasher man came around 5 times.......nothing

I cannot take anymore, off to bed.

Hope you 2 will be ok...

shiney, you do realise he probably has his hand in his pants right now dont you?????

I feel like i need to wash my mouth out with Listerene after reading that. Bleugh

Eeeeeeeeeew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew

Sorry, I'd better close my mouth

That's better.

I am now so, so glad that I do all my own plumbing! disclaimer! real plumbing - not in a sexual way!

'grab my girth'

Do you think that he only decided to become a plumber after watching too much cheesy porn?

In tears at Mrsbackup!

Might keep my stuffing name after Christmas, it seems most apt 'round these 'ere parts.

Does he have orangutan arms for you to be suckin' him off as he fingers you?! Very confused by the geometry of it all.