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Original poster

Prostitutes and the past

279 replies

cringe · 20/01/2005 17:54

Did any of your husbands/partners/ sleep with a prostitute before they met you? How do you feel about it? Does it put you off them? Or is it rare? Its making me wonder if he is a sweaty old desperate pervert. Help.

OP posts:
FineFigureFio · 20/01/2005 18:00

I dont know if he has or not. he certainly hasnt mentioned it. I think it would put me off, yes. But then again i suppose it would depend on whether they used condoms or not. But that bothers me about all my husbands ex partners as I have always been very careful about my own sexual health and have always been frightenend to death of catching HIv or std's.

I suppose we all have our pasts and we have to move on from them. We all do things we regret.

Why has your partner told you he has done this in the past cringe? Certainly cant imangine it is rare tbh

Frizbe · 20/01/2005 18:01

one of my male friends, got his mate a prostitute for his birthday....so guess its not that rare....I don't think the lad had been near one before or since?

notamused · 20/01/2005 18:02

My dh has with two I think, one the silly git caught something off he was only about 19 though and the other, he used protection and 'bought' her for a week whilst on holiday in Thailand with the lads.

starlover · 20/01/2005 18:03

I don't know if my dp has, although I think he'd have told me.
If it was in the past then it wouldn't really bother me I don't think. I have been pretty liberal sexually in my past although I have never paid for sex... so I couldn't really say that it would be bad of him to have done it... if that makes sense.

I am sure your dh/dp isn't a desperate old pervert though! and he obviously wants you to have a good honest relationship which is why he has told you. You are lucky that he feels he can be open with you about stuff like that.

Agree with finefigurefio though about std's...

Original poster
cringe · 20/01/2005 18:04

Yes he has done this in the past, i am starting to go off him though. I keep wondering why he would etc. i just dont get it.

OP posts:
vict17 · 20/01/2005 18:04

I wouldn't mind if he'd done it in the past or in his youth etc but if he did it when he was married to me i'd bin him!!

spacedonkey · 20/01/2005 18:05

I was talking about this with my dp the other day funnily enough. He's never made a secret of the fact he's been to prostitutes in the past and I don't have a problem with it at all. I'd have a problem with it if he was using prostitutes while in a relationship with me, but I know he won't do that. It's more honest than going and picking up a random woman in a bar for sex imo.

starlover · 20/01/2005 18:05

I think there are a lot of reasons why men visit prostitutes... is it this that is putting you off him or are there underlying problems?
if I am prying then tell me to shut up!

happymerryberries · 20/01/2005 18:07

Mine hasn't. I would think it was awful if he had. I think that prostitution is very often an abuse of power. Most women who are prostitutes are often not the independent, strong women that you see on the TV saying it is all down to choice. Most prostitutes have no choice, are fueling drug or alcohol habits and many were abused as children. And don't even get into the 'slave trade' side of things. Sorry, but I think this is bordering on abuse even if the woman gives her concent, it isn't an even playing field. It would horrify me to think that dh could take part in it.

Original poster
cringe · 20/01/2005 18:13

I said that to him hmb, i feel the same if im honest. Honestly from his heart he believes that not to be the case , he believes some women actually dont think of sex as i do. Who knows. Starlover, no other problems, i just know far to much about the guy which as you say is also a very good thing.

OP posts:
starlover · 20/01/2005 18:15

do you know why he went to a prostitute?

it's all very well us sitting here saying that we wouldn't/don't mind that our partners have been to prostitues, but at the end of the day if it is really getting to you then maybe you shouldn't be with him?
I'm certainly no relationship expert, but do you think that now you know about it, it could cause problems in the future?

happymerryberries · 20/01/2005 18:16

I think that casual sex is just fine, as long as no-one is being abused, misled or pressured into it. And prostitutes are seldom doing it as 'equals'. That is what revolts me, tbh, it is the missmatch of power in the 'relationship'. I feel it is colluding in abuse.

If someone goes and picks up a partner for a one night stand it is a far more equal relationship.

Original poster
cringe · 20/01/2005 18:21

Well hes had plenty of one night stands too hmb. The reason he went to a prostitute is because he was in thailand with all hiis mates and they are lunatics, thats all i can say really.
I think perhaps its just sex without the hassle, or the risk it might be awful, a one night stand can be really really hardwork and embarassing.

OP posts:
starlover · 20/01/2005 18:26

Cringe- maybe it was just a "peer pressure" thing?
I'm not saying that that excuses it, god knows the situation in Thailand is far worse than over here with prostitutes...
but maybe it was really a case of too much to drink, and not wanting to "let the boys down"

it may have been a stupid thing to do on his part, but it is in the past now.

Original poster
cringe · 20/01/2005 18:27

I think he is a bit of a ring leader

OP posts:
FineFigureFio · 20/01/2005 18:29

I agree with starlover about the peer pressure thing

I also agree with hmb, and i think this is the reason alot of women hate the thought of their partners going with a prostitute. but at the end of the day what happened is in the past and your cant let the past dicatate your future.

As long as you know he is infection free?

starlover · 20/01/2005 18:30

has he changed now though? THAT'S the important question!

remember, men are pretty stupid! it's hard to be mad with them for things to do with sex, as they do tend to do all their thinking with their penises. it's genetic

hercules · 20/01/2005 18:32

No, dh hasnt. I agree with hmb. My main concern would be not only any sti's but what his opinion of womnen is?

Original poster
cringe · 20/01/2005 18:34

mmm i will sound naive now, but his opinion of me is fantastic, honestly know that, he has proved it beyond doubt.
I also made him have every test under the sun and they were all negative.

OP posts:
hercules · 20/01/2005 18:35

I wouldnt lett the past affect your future then.

starlover · 20/01/2005 18:36

i don't think you should worry about it cringe...
especially if it was a one-off on a trip to thailand with the lads.
I'd be worried perhaps if he had done it a LOT, or was still doing it... but as it is I don't think it's to do with his opinion of women.. just one of those things.
don't let it ruin your relationship though... leave the past in the past!

hercules · 20/01/2005 18:38

I disagree with you there sl. Surely paying a woman for your own pleasure, who is probably being exploited, seems to be seeing women as a commodity.

happymerryberries · 20/01/2005 18:40

Agree with you Hercules. And in Thailand, even more so than in Britain, the chances are that the woman is being exploited

Original poster
cringe · 20/01/2005 18:40

hercules do you therefore think i am in danger of also being exploited and i am just a piece of meat to him also?

OP posts:
hercules · 20/01/2005 18:41

I know nothing about your relationship.