Prostitutes and the past

[cringe]

Did any of your husbands/partners/ sleep with a prostitute before they met you? How do you feel about it? Does it put you off them? Or is it rare? Its making me wonder if he is a sweaty old desperate pervert. Help.

Sobernow- i have no doubts about dh's ethics. If i did i woulnt be here now.

I would be more likely to forgive affaur.......

I know people who have used prostitutes, but I would not live with them or raise children with them.

My partner and I do share basic agreement on morals and ethics, and we certainly agree that trafficking women and children and forcing them to trade in sex is morally and ethically obscene.

Dunno. But then I know that the vast majority of people have tried cannabis at some time and neither of us have done that either. I also know that one in three marrages end in divorce, but I've never been an neither have any of my friends. Statistical glitches do happen.

Well he is possibly the nicest man around, especially to my children, its a shame he will teach them the ways of the sordid.

cringe- you asked what we thought. It is impossible tondiscuss this in anything other than in general terms. Whether or not that has anything to do with your dh only you can know. This thread is not a personal attack on him.

If i wasnt sure that would mean i didnt trust him.

Ooh, you Bohemian theatre types

Of course you can't be 100% sure of what your DH does, but you can be 100% sure of how you view those actions and how you would respond to them.

My relationship is based on TRUST, not on certainty by any means.

And as someone whose first marriage ended when her husband had a sex change, I quite understand the fact that you can never 100% know someone. However, I was 100% sure that I would leave.

I am divorced, taken copious amounts of drugs, and am now sleeping with a hookers sloppy seconds.

I forgive him, he is a decent man, fantastic morals as i have, just not on paper. Thanks for all of you helping me come to a decision x

'Time and freedoms are traded as a commodity in most of our lives - sex isn't.'

MP, i don't know what world you live in but it ain't the same as mine!

sex is traded as a commodity everywhere! the wife who grins and bears it in order to 'buy' something from her husband for a start.

of course the sex trade is an awful awful heinous thing and i condemn it completely. I was so moved by the recent spate of press/channel 4 dramas/docs about it that i volunteered to give time/counselling skills to the only london refuge for women that have been sex traded (the poppy project) (they didn't want me )

however, I totally dispute the fact that prostitution can never be a choice and that the woman (or male) prostitute is always the exploited...that is just not true, and the countless prostitutes that campaign for legalisation of their trade would argue strongly against that view.

the kind of hypocrisy that argues that no woman could ever choose to sell her body ('how could she' but on the otherhand if i'm trying to sweeten dh i'll offer him sex) is responsible in part for the sorry plight that prostitutes are in especially in western europe and north america.

my father grew up in south east asia and argues strongly that prostitution was a choice for many of the sex workers he knew...that they could have taken low paid jobs and made ends meet, but preferred to work less and earn more...and he argues this with no condemnation at all, quite the opposite.

when is say sex trade, i mean underage (or overage for that matter) girls/boys, coerced or kidnapped and sold for sex.
..just to clarify that

"The wife who grins and bears it to buy something"

I'm sorry but this isn't part of my world either.

I didn't say that prostitution can never be a choice.

However, if you are a young Thai girl from the country who has to work in the sex trade to feed her starving sisters, or if you have been trafficked to Thailand at the age of 12, then you are not operating from choice. You are operating from poverty, or from the threat of violence or death.

Do you think that the sex tourists who flock to Thailand every year busy themselves with research about which brothel is the most ethical?

they are sometimes forced to sell it.

Indeed.

But like all of us, a woman who makes a free choice to be a prostitute, does not make that choice in circumstances of her choosing. Given the choice of tarting myself up and going uptown to pick up a man who is willing to pay £500 for a shag with me, and working for 3 weeks in Safeways, I might make that choice too, but I wouldn't choose the circumstances which made me make the choice.