Prostitutes and the past

[cringe]

Did any of your husbands/partners/ sleep with a prostitute before they met you? How do you feel about it? Does it put you off them? Or is it rare? Its making me wonder if he is a sweaty old desperate pervert. Help.

You are the only person that can answer that question, imo

But to be honest I would have very little respoect for my dh if I found out that he had ever treated people as a comodity. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is how I feel. But it is your relationship and your choice.

i do agree with you to a certain extent hercules, and hmb... especially about the exploitation of girls in thailand...
what i meant though, is that it doesn't seem like the kind of situation where he thought to himself "i want a woman, and now"... sort of thing, perhaps more to do with having too much to drink, and being with a group of lads who wanted to get a prostitute because that's "what you do" in thailand. men so often don't even think about the other ramifications
as I said before, that doesn't make it ok.. but maybe a bit more understandable?

I think I probably have a different opinion of men to you sl.

maybe hercules. i do see where you're coming from though.
you know, this is one of the reasons MN is so good... because you get a ton of different perspectives... and you can see things that maybe you wouldn't think of otherwise

Yes, but I still don't concede to your view at all

well good for you! i hate people who don't stick to their principles!

Sorry I don't buy the 'guys must have sex now ) line. If they are that desparate they can masturbate. Sorry to be crude but relief is always at hand.

Yes, that's what i thought too.

I take your points hmb and herc, however I think that if a man has been to a prostitute at some point in his life that does not mean he sees all women as sex objects to be exploited

Weel i think it didn't even cross his mind the implications of such a thing. If for one minute he had gone, i want to exploit a woman and treat her like dirt i wouldn't let him in my house. The viewpoint is naieve and wrong but it is his. I have to forgive him anyway as he is probably the best thing to happen to me for a long long time.

No agree's but it does mean that he sees prostitutes as objects who can be exploited. That thought just make me feel ill.
I'm sure that slave owners loved their wives but it didn't stop them exploiting their slaves and that exploitation being wrong. I don't think that anyone should be exploited. And deff not by someone that I love.

I agree with starlover and spacedonkey. i think lots of young men have used prostitutes because they think it is something they have to try

I dont think many of them do think of the bigger picture

I don't deny that there is a horrific slave trade going on in the world where women and children are forced into prostitution. But not all prostitutes are slaves. A man could be forgiven for thinking that his transaction with a prostitute was fair and equal. I think most men would be able to tell if the prostitute was doing it willingly or being coerced into it.

plus their are women who do actually choose to be prostitutes and make a hell of alot of money doing it, high class escorts and all that

I know that dh has never been to a prostitute while we've been together and I think he would have told me if it had happened in his youth.

He did donate sperm though as a student to boost his income! (sorry, digressing a bit)

I was actually drawing a parallel to the African/American slave trade.

But most prostitutes are being manipulated by their pimps, and I doubt that very many are doing it out a truley free choice. They do it because they have to, and men, like their pimps and their customers abuse that need for their own benefit. Anyone who thinks differently is kidding themselves

I have a choice here now, i dont have to be with him.If it is a thing that means he is a sick individual i would rathe know now. Im not heavily involved and would rather walk away sooner. I am disgusted with him in all honesty otherwise i wouldn't have even brought it up. But apart from this and his fhm lifestyle nonsense he is wonderful. I definetly dont want to fall for another idiot though.

And yet there are a few 'escorts' but the vast majority are not in that catagory and people know this.

no i do agree.

But we are supposed to be helping cringe not making matters worse

I know what parallel you were drawing, but I don't think it's an entirely appropriate one because many (not all) prostitutes do gain financially from their trade. Unlike slaves.

I wouldn't worry about it. I know a couple of men who have paid for the company of women whilst on holiday in Thailand. I don't think these women percieve themselves as prostitutes, they hang out with the guys all day and show them around and try to have fun. To a lot of western blokes on holiday, these beautiful friendly and very persistant girls are going to be just about irresistable - they're not likely to worry about the bigger picture re exploitation are they?
However I'm sure you've enlightened him now! I'd be well pissed off if my partner did it while we were together, but if it was in the past I think I'd let it go.

She asked how we would feel if our partners had visited a protitute, not ask us to make her feel better. I do hope that she does feel better soon.

Regarding the slaves issue, they were 'maintained' by their owner, just like pimps 'maintain' their girls on drugs. the parallel is accurate, I think. And in Thailand they are very likely to be real slaves, unable to change their role in life, and not giving themselves freely. Sorry, but that is the truth.

What an intereting discussion. Have you ever wondered though,why nobody you know has ever admitted visiting a prostitute when prostitution is doing a roaring trade in every city of every country?
I think that a lot of men have probably visited a prostitue in their wild youth or their lonely times between partners and they would never ever ever let their current partner know because they know damn well that we would not understand and would find it hard to get past.

I'm not condoning it at all(or trying to imply anything at all about anyone who has posted here - I'm talking very generally here!) but just saying somebody's got to be doing it!!

Agree with whoever said that most men probably don't think about the bigger picture at the time. If the girl in question was in chains and had to be selected from a cage, I'm sure they wouldn't have any part of it, but because she appears to be doing it of her own free will, it makes it easy for men to gloss over the fact that at some level it is probably not a matter of choice for the woman.

Interesting that the men discussed on this thread have used prostitutes in other countries rather than at home. My dp said he had never been to a prostitute in this country, only in amsterdam, and couldn't really answer me when I asked him why. Perhaps when they are outside of their usual environment it somehow makes it seem more of an acceptable thing to do?