Welcome to the TWATS 2014. Please now list your categories and nominations.

[MalcolmTuckersMistress]

Well this is going to cause chaos and probably have no real conclusion to it but I did think that it at least deserves it's own thread.

1.) Please note, this thread is NOT for wenching in. I repeat NO WENCHING. Wenching must continues in the tavern threads only.

2.) NO DISCUSSION OF SANTIAGO AND FOOTBALL. You may nominate him but we don't need 36 pages of "OMGZ I LOVES HIM n his futbowl LOL LOL LOL!!!!111"

3.) Remember when nominating and making up categories that The Cardinal is sexier than any of the other male cast members.

Sexiest use of clothing
-Athos getting dressed and putting his hat on (ep 1)

Brilliant madame and trev. Well done both of you. I will look forward to nominating.

Some minor suggestions .....

Best move with a Weapon

• Athos morning stretch with sword (ep 1)
• Milady holding dagger to Athos' throat (ep 3)
• Mother Superior reloading pistol like a gangsta (ep 9)
• Aramis jumping over wall while firing (ep 6

Athos disarming the duke, who's on the floor, with one masterful movement with his sword (ep 4)

Funniest King Line / Moment

• “Being King is SO BORING!” (ep ?)
• “Did she just refuse my company?” (ep ?)
• “And now I have to kill my mother!” (Or something like that??) (ep )
• Running away up the stairs from his mum (ep )
• “I went to Gascony once. It was full of sheep and hedges.” (ep )
• “What shall we do about this ‘melon-choly’ business?” (ep )

Birds were born to be shot, like rabbits ..... and poets (ep 1)

Best Cardinal Facial Expression / Snark Line

• Oh fuck, Queenie heard me admit my dastardly plans! (ep 10)
• Flirty head bob when asking Milady whose side she was on after the fight in The Challenge (ep 8)
• “Effort is not good enough” lusty eyes (ep ?)
• Writhing in agony because he's been poisoned sex face. (ep ?)
• Looking out of the window after he recovered from the poisoning, sun shining on him as he declares that he is unstoppable! (ep ?)

Glowering at the King flirting with Charlotte Mellendorf(ep 9) Eyerolls and sarcastic smile at king being a twatw (ep ?)

• "Undress for me" while licking his lips (ep 1)
• Sire, killing your mother is generally frowned upon by the general population (Or something like that?) (ep

Try not to get blood EVERYWHERE (ep 10)

Best Tits in a Corset

• Connie
• Milady
• Niniononon
• Queenie
• Queen Mum

Adele

And get rid of Ninon (did she have any tits?)

Feel free to grammar nazi my English if you wish

And we should also have a category for "Best Scandinavian Wench"

Tak ww!!!

What bit does he say "try not to get blood everywhere?" in? I remember the line but cant remember why he said it...

Oh yes, that's in the last one where Dog has Milady by the throat.

why does aramis get 3 nominations for sexiest clothing? Team A - chose 1, Team Athos choose 1, others nominate as you wish but good luck with getting any votes!

I thought we were cutting stuff not adding stuff FFS! I per character per category?

whatever...

Oh wait, I remembered one more snarky line from the Cardinal:

"Yes sire, but it's a very important pimple" (ep 4)

Get rid of "flirty head bob".

And I think we can get rid of "the king running up the stairs".

Er yes, ww, we are kind of trying to keep the nominations to a max of six per category if possible...

trev aramis hasn't got 3 nominations for sexiest clothing. I cut out grey billowy shirt as its own entry and made "grey billowy shirt, necklaces and braces" one entry. noras post didn't show this.

I'm happy to cut "unbuckling" from this category if others are. Its only sexy cos of the gif someone made of it, it's hardly noticeable in the episode itself.

I suggested the one character per category thing as a general guide, not an iron rule, cos I think things should be nominated on their merits too. No point in making it artificially boring and unrepresentative of the genuine best bits, just to represent all characters equally at all times. (Lets just use our discretion / do things by their merits on an argued basis?)

Eg Twitchiest vag - cos this is a particularly rich area, let's say two noms per character max, not one. But one is fine too, if two good suggestions can't be made.

trev do you have the DVDs? I realise that if not, this is a bit difficult, but can you suggest an actual moment for treville in that category (can't remember which one now) I mentioned? Otherwise it's scissors time I'm afraid...

Well I did suggest some cuts actually, just want to point that out.

Yes, lovely ww, thank you for the cuts.

Oh shit sorry madame

I think we all know who is going to win. Athos or Aramis. Everything except cardinal snark category.

So, this online thing, will it be public? I mean MN is public... Fuck it you know what I mean.

If you need an help with this let me know and I'll do what I can.

nora. How about some kind of "not athos or aramis" category? Ill have a think...

VOTING NEWS VOTING NEWS

(Well not actually news, but to repeat what's already been said but in bigger letters.)

I'm going to try to find an online poll tool on the interweb to upload the TWATS to. One of those multiple choice things where you click the option you want and can only vote once.

Im happy to do this but wont have time til the weekend. Nominations can stay open til then. I presume the link to this poll can then be posted on the thread so we can all vote. Much easier than everyone trying to do it on the thread itself.

Now, to open a whole new line of chaos debate -:

As has been suggested, we COULD tweet the poll results of the MUSKETEERS SECTION ONLY to Jess Pope etc. To coincide with our 50,000th post, or the end of US Musketeers, or something? We could do it from a generic Twitter account and NOT MENTION "THE TAVERN / SWAGGER INN" so as to protect our home these threads.

But... I suggest, if we do this, we indicate in some way that we are from Mumsnet. Wait!!!!!!! Listen...

1. They already know of Musketeers interest on Mumsnet Im sure. (cos of mailshot of Malc's original AIBU, which I think would have got on their radar.)
2. They won't give much of a toss about our poll if they don't know it's from a well-known site.
3. They won't have time to go looking for us if we dont make it easy to find us. And even if they did, they wouldn't be that gripped by the 90% washing / periods / headlice etc chat, would they.

At the end of the day, I just want them to know a little bit that we have been talking about them for months and months, and we are the funniest and best and most psychotic group of Musketeers fans!

What do you think? Please debate endlessly

End of blah.

Carrot...dodkanypassesdoskanypassesdoskanypasses

Just raising the possibility.

Or you can't vote for your own team? Might spread it a bit?

I dunno nora, wouldnt that take the fun out, if we cant vote for our genuine favourites? Also I dont think it would be workable cos voting is anonymous, so anyone could cheat.

Ill try to work on the categories and nominations so they dont all give automatic athos wins. But at the end of the day, it is a popularity contest... (btw cos there are only 4 of us on team a, aramis wins are far from given...)

Just musing that's all.

Random prop

Athos ice bucket - the debate

I think he stores his bucket outside, to collect rain. Not ice.

He couldn't guarantee ice but he was expecting water, granted. Therefore, I would argue, that the ice was random use of prop.

It could also be argued that Dog's use of glove to slap, was not random. He would've had that glove on him anyway. The slap/fake row was premeditated. Gloves were used to slap people, in those days.

Porthos watermelon. Which part was random? He didn't actually, use the watermelon. He just fired at it

if we're getting technical

P.s is there any fucking point to this. It's basically just Aramis, Aramis, Aramis...............Aramis..............

We need an independent panel to oversee final decisions about the nominations. For reasons of bias etc....

Madame - yes please for poll. I vote yes for letting production company know we are the real deal of true wenches and fans not like the bunch of fenches stalking around prague or the gay porn writers on LJ!

Hannah - I can just vote for all if you want, as the captain is only in a couple of categories if we want to talk about keeping it fair? but that would take all the fun out of it eh? It will be chaos of course, but as long as we make sure there are good nominations for all I think we can manage it without a riot!

Agree with everything Madame has said re contact with crew. You are right, they're just too busy to trawl through but it would be nice for us to know they know we friggin exist. Being that we're not camped outside their apartments or blackmailing them with sex tapes conveniently forgets CCTV locating attempts & Soccer Aid 2016 advance hotel bookings

I think I'm ok.

Agree with Madame and Sparkle.

Am impressed with usage of online poll tool thingy.

When are nominations closing? I haven't actually got the dvd yet, to remind myself of bits. I have been trying to buy it for past two weeks, but no shop around here is stocking it anymore.

I may have to go down online purchase route. Just didn't want a paper trail

So, I will order tonight/tmw. Then cram like fuck. Please tell me we can have until you go away Madame, week Mon?

If we're getting outed, I want to make sure I've given it my full attention.